Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: fifteen

All weekend, I stayed at the house and did pretty much nothing. I had nothing to do or anywhere to go, so I played games or ate junk food while binge watching shows.

It was a little cold outside, which I loved but it was getting too cold where I couldn't go outside without freezing my ass off.

I helped mom outside some and it was fun, but also cold. She was getting ready to have a fire, so I helped her build a little fire pit and everything. I like spending time with her and it seems like we hardly do that when she's working and I'm also working.

But we spent time this weekend and I enjoyed it.

We were both bundled up in our thick clothes. She had gloves on but I didn't. It was about forty five degrees out here, which was freezing to us but it was also the perfect weather.

"I'm proud of you, Jesse." She smiles at me as we were almost done with the fire pit.

I look at her and furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?"

She smiles at me. "For growing up to be an amazing young woman. I'm really proud of you."

"Yeah," I nod. "I guess I'm pretty good at doing nothing cause that's what I seem to be doing with my life."

"Jesse, don't say that." She looks at me. "I know you want a life full of.. everything, but things take time. You're working and making money."

"It's not a real job though."

She smiles. "It's still a job. You're still saving, right?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Then continue to save. You'll do more things in your life. It just takes time. I don't want you leaving yet." She pulls me into a hug and I smiled as I hugged her back.

Leaning my head against her shoulder, I sighed. "Not leaving anytime yet, mom."

We continued to place the stones down where the fire pit would be until we were done then went inside. She went to the kitchen to get some drinks as I sat on the couch and stared at the fan on the ceiling.

Mom came back with a drink and handed it to me. I smiled as she sat on the couch with me and I opened my drink before taking a sip.

"Are you still planning on going to college?" Mom asks as she leans her elbow on the back of the couch.

Looking at her, I shrug before looking down at the drink in my lap. "Not sure. I want to go but.. I just don't think I could do it."

"You can, Jesse. Never doubt yourself." She pats my leg and smiles at me. "I know you'll do great."

"Thanks mom." I smiled at her, knowing she was right and I needed to figure something out with my life.

-

"How do you feel about me going to college?" I interlocked my fingers before making my pointer fingers touch and pressing them against my lips.

Eli was looking at me from across the counter giving me a look. "Uh, yeah? Wait, why are you asking me?"

"I want your opinion. You're my big brother."

He smiles as he looks around then back at me. "I honestly think you should, Jesse. You're always talking about so why not do it?"

"I just feel like I'll end up hating it or slacking off. I don't know. College sounds amazing but then again.. I'm better at doing nothing."

"Jess, if this is what you really want to do then do it. What's stopping you?"

I sighed as he walked away, helping other customers. I look around before deciding to leave and do other boring things.

I didn't have to work today so I was stuck trying to figure out what to do. I really needed to apply to college, but my mind just won't let me for some reason.