My Professor's Secret

Kabanata 14

Umuwi ako ng aming bahay na namamaga at namumula ang dalawang mata dahil sa kaiiyak. Ang tanga ko, sinaktan at hiniwalayan ko siya ta's ako rin itong iiyak na para bang namatayan.

Mom immediately noticed me as she took her steps towards me. Iniwas ko ang aking mukha ngunit huli na dahil hinawakan niya ang dalawa kong balikat at pilit na hinarap sa kanya.

"Ano'ng nangyari sa'yo anak? Umiyak ka ba?" agad niyang tanong habang hinahawakan ang aking pisngi.

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang tumango.

"Ano'ng nangyari sa lakad niyo ni Liam?"

Nanliit ang kanyang mga mata. "Pinaiyak ka niya?" she hesitately asked.

"I broke up with him, mommy. Kaya ako umiyak." pumiyok ang aking boses.

I looked at her reaction. Gulat siyang napahawak sa kanyang labi.

"P-Pero, bakit? Siguro naman ay may dahilan ka at sa tingin ko ay hindi pa kayo masyadong nagtatagal sa relasyon ninyo. And... mukhang seryoso naman sa'yo si Liam. I also believe that he's an honorable man. S-So... how come? Mali ba ang pagkakakilala namin sa kanya?"

Tumulo na parang gripo ang aking luha habang umiiling. "H-Hindi, he's a good man mom. I-It's just that... it's complicated so I had to end it. I had to end us."

Agad akong hinila at niyakap ni mommy, trying to soothe me down.

"I won't try to ask you anymore. I don't want to interfere with your life. Pero sana naman, pag-isipan mong mabuti ang iyong mga desisyon. Ayokong magsisi ka sa huli."

I sobbed on her shoulder. "I-I hurt him. I saw him tearing up. Ang s-sakit palang... makita siyang lumuluha, lalo na't ako ang dahilan. I'm just trying to protect him mom. His career, and his reputation."

"I just hope you did tell him your reason."

Umiling ako. "I lied. I told him that my feelings was too shallow. That all I felt for him was a simple attraction and that I lost my interest afterwards."

I heard her sighed heavily but didn't utter a word.

I exhaustedly went to my room. Pagod akong nahiga sa aking kama. I'm feeling exhausted and tired, emotionally.

Inangat ko ang aking braso. Hinaplos ko ang bawat makikinang na bato sa aking bracelet. I felt a single tear escaping my eye.

"Sorry" I whispered.

I spend my time being alone inside my room for the rest of the weekend. Wala akong ganang lumabas at wala rin akong ganang makipaghalubilo. Tinatamad ako na gusto ko nalang matulog buong araw.

Kadalasan ko ring tinitingnan ang aking phone. Hoping to see a message from him. I'm such a fool, I know. I told him to stop bugging me anymore and here I am, checking my phone from time to time.

I checked our past messages where there is always a 'good morning baby' or a 'goodnight' from him. How sad to think that we're now over. Ni hindi manlang kami nag-one year.

I opened my closet for my school uniform. Lunes ngayon at pinipilit ko lang ang aking sarili na pumasok kahit na sa katunayan ay wala akong gana.

Nahagip ng aking mata ang isang naka-hanger na itim na hoodie. Naalala ko, kay L ito. Isang alaala ang muli kong binalikan.

"Kapag na-miss mo ako, suotin mo lang palagi yan. Wearing my hoodie feels like hugging me already."

I can hear his voice near my ear. But then, I know I'm just hallucinating.

Agad kong sinarado ang aking closet. I'm scared I'd get too emotional again. May pasok pa naman ngayon. I don't want to look like a mess with two red and swollen eyes.