Only For Bucky

Chapter eighteen - the journal

I went to the floor where Bucky was but he wasn't there, the only thing there was his journal. I know it's against the rules to read someone's thoughts but it was open on a page with my name written all over it. After everything that happened, I needed to know if me and him could fix this, if he still wanted to so I started to read the one page that I seen my name on.

She smiled at me this morning, god how I missed that beautiful smile. Y/n reminds me so much of polly. Polly was an amazing girl and i was lucky to meet someone similar but someone who I fell hard for, I thought I was in love in the 40's but y/n made me feel different- a good different . I told y/n that she was the love of my life, and it was the most sane thing I ever said - I want to marry this girl some day.

Who is polly? I should of stopped reading, I should of closed the book and went to go find him but I couldn't help myself, I had to see if he thought our relationship could be fixed. I don't know when he wrote this but I hope he still wants to marry me some day.

I worry that everyday we don't communicate, we start to lose our chances of getting back together. What happened with Eleanor was all a misunderstanding, even when I think about anyone else's lips against mine that aren't hers, I feel disgusted with myself .

My eyes started to water, this whole time I thought he wasn't in love with me anymore but he was. And then I see that the next page has something about that night we slept together , as I think about it I retrace the places he left marks with my fingers and realise they were fully gone. He never knew this but that night was my first time, and Bucky made it perfect.

The night we slept together , was the most amazing night of my life - well I would say it's definitely that or the time we got ice cream together. I lit candles everywhere and put rose petals all on the bed and on the floor to make our first time together special.
Every time I moved to a different part of her body or did something different, I made sure she was okay with it and that I wasn't the only one getting pleasure.  I love y/n so much, but I think it's too late - I really hope it isn't though, because I want many more nights like that and many more dates where we just cuddle. I haven't even had the chance to dance with her yet, or show her what my life was like in the 40's.

Images of dancing with Bucky fill my head , I couldn't help but smiling. In no time it turned Into tears - I need to find him before it really is too late.

As I go to put the book down, a picture slips out of a girl. Was this polly? I turn the picture around and see a note that says 'I will always remember our times together doll' but I just read he wanted to marry me and now I find there's someone else.

I heard someone coming so I dropped the journal and sat on the sofa trying to act normal. But how can you act normal when Bucky walks in?

"Sorry I just-" he realises its me sitting there. "Sorry I just forgot my journal" I think he realised the journal had been moved.

"Oh okay, I'm just ugh watching the tv"

"But the television is off"

"Oh. Is it? Oh yes um I-"

"You looked at my journal didn't you doll?"

"No"

"You've never been a good liar"

"Okay , look I didn't want to I just seen my name on a page that it was left open on and I got carried away. Im so sorry"

"What did you read?"

"Just about that night together and how I was similar to a girl called polly"

"P-polly?" He gulped.

"Yes who is she?"

"Wait why were you down here anyway , I thought you were with Nat and Wanda"

"I was, I was talking to them about you and how I wanted to fix things but then I seen a picture of polly and thought maybe you weren't over her yet, I need your whole heart Bucky . Not just half"

He started laughing. "Awh doll, polly was a girl that used to like Steve and I had been trying to get them together for ages until he met Peggy. Polly was my best friend and I only loved her as a bestfriend.The picture was what Steve showed me when I hardly remembered anything and when we met, you were so similar to her except she was just a friend, you are much more"

"Oh. So you still want to marry me?" I winked.

"I wouldn't want anything else , I can't believe you read that!"

"I couldn't help myself"

"Well I have been saving this since the month you locked yourself away as I was going to give it to you when you got out but when you did, things didn't get fixed as quickly as I thought"

Before I could answer he got on one knee, and opened a box that had a gorgeous ring in it. The ring has a diamond and two rose quartz crystals in.

"Will you , y/n y/l/n , make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"