Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 61

==Ashton's POV==

Michael paces back and forth across my bedroom floor while I wrap my blanket more tightly around myself. My window is open all the way, bitingly cold air blowing on my face. Initially, it was supposed to be a form of self-harm, now I'm getting annoyed by it and too lazy to close it.

I haven't gotten any sleep and my head is pounding. I want to sleep, but I can't. I long to have Maddie next to me more than ever.

Twenty-four hours ago, Michael and I were screaming at each other. Like always, though, it was all for naught.

He couldn't hate me if he tried, and I'm thankful. He is the only soul on this planet right now who doesn't want me dead and if it weren't for him being here right now, I would have relapsed.

"I told you," he stresses, "I told you, you should have talked to her about it a long time ago."

"I know," I pull the blanket over my face, my nose feeling like it's going to freeze off. Michael stomps over to the window and slams it closed, giving me a chance to poke my head out. I don't.

"You should have listened to me," he says.

I reach my hand out from under the blanket, only to grab my phone off of the charger. Under the covers, the light of the screen burns my eyes. It would be acceptable if what was burning my eyes was a text back from Maddie, but all I see when I turn it on is the picture of us my mom took on Halloween.

That only makes me more upset.

Michael tugs the blanket off of me and rips my phone out of my hands. I don't respond, continuing to lay in the fetal position without any emotional reaction. I'm numb from both the cold and the amount of crying I did the night before.

I decided when I woke up that I shouldn't be crying; this is all my fault. I shouldn't do anything anymore.

"I told you she was going to be so mad when she found out."

"Lily told Cooper that I slept with her last week," I mumble, pulling my comforter over my head and staring at the darkness. Rather than pulling it off of me again, he walks around my bed and attempts to get under it too.

I flip over to look at him, the most movement I've done since I got home last night. Just as he manages to get the blanket away from me and stick his feet under, he pulls them back out. Along with a lacy pair of underwear between his forefinger and thumb.

"Are these--" he stops, flinging them onto the ground, "I don't have to ask, I was there when she bought them."

He stares at me, awaiting an explanation from me. I can't get one out to him. I don't want to remember how three days ago, her and I were closer than ever.

"Okay, never mind. I don't want to know why you were sleeping with her underwear," he makes a face of disgust, sliding his feet back under and sitting up against the wall. I stay curled up. "Did you sleep with Lily last week?"

"No!" I wail, the most noise I've made since he's been here.

"I have to ask," he holds his hands up in defense, "I figured not, but I don't know what you're hiding from me."

I stay quiet again. All of these questions are running through my head, but I know the answers. I don't want to hear them out loud, from Michael. That would make them more real and absolute. That would make me have to accept them.

"Do you want me to talk about my own life so yours doesn't seem so bad?"

I'm pretty sure everything pales in comparison to losing the girl I love because I'm a selfish idiot, but I don't say it. I don't have the energy to argue with Michael anymore, so I let him continue.