Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 5

"Come on, Maddie, were about to open presents," Cooper's whiny, 14-year-old voice calls from the other room.

I'm sitting at the table in my grandma's kitchen, scarfing down another plate of food as fast as I can. I'm really excited to open the presents because I'm certain my mom finally got me a gift that isn't completely juvenile. I'm finally allowed to wear make-up, so thats what I asked for. That's it. I mumble with my mouth full that I'll be there in a second, but my mom interrupts me.

"Your phone keeps buzzing!" She says, slightly irritated.

My dad walks to where I'm sitting and hands it to me. He pats me on the head with an excited smile, "Looks like Luke really wants to talk to you."

My stomach flips in every which way at the sound of his name. Luke had been talking to me, to my surprise, almost nonstop a week before that and I was pretty sure he liked me just as much as I liked him. Finally. Thoughts of what he could want to talk about flood my brain as I pick up my phone to check it.

There are four missed calls from him, which just excite me more. He must really want to talk then. I almost call him back but notice that there's a voicemail too, so I hurriedly click to listen to it before I do anything else.

"Hey, Maddie," Luke laughs and I hear Ashton's laughter in the background too. It's not a good kind of laughing, but instead a spiteful, rude kind. A lot of the happiness I experienced moments before leaves my body and is replaced with nervousness while I continue to listen to his next question, broken into with chuckles, "Do you... want to ... be my girlfriend?"

There's another loud laugh from Ashton before Luke finally hangs up. I may have been too stupid to see that he didn't like me, but I wasn't too stupid to understand that that was a joke, intended to hurt me. And it did its job.

My dad is grinning at me expectantly, but I just stare at him, feeling numb. It isn't long before I burst into tears at the sound of Lukes name when he asks me what he wanted. Couldn't he have at least waited until after Christmas to be so hurtful?

...

"I've been texting Luke," I say to my best friend, Hannah, a few months before Christmas Eve. I'm smiling uncontrollably and blushing. I know that I like him too much for my own good, but I can't help it.

"I know," she picks at her newly manicured nails. She looks up at me without lifting her head, "you've told me about it everyday for the past week."

"Sorry," I mumble, looking around to anyone or anything but her on the crowded school bus we're on. Ashton and I make eye contact and he flips me off. I roll my eyes at him and force myself to look back at her as she continues to speak.

"He talked to me about it," she laughs lightly but still tries to sound sympathetic, "He said he thinks you're annoying, by how much you text him."

The cause for my blushing quickly turns from Luke to embarrassment at the sound of her words. Hannah is much better friends with Luke than I am and actually talks to him in real life on a daily basis. And her being my best friend, I wouldn't expect her to lie about that.

"He said that?" I ask. She nods and I try not to consider the fact that he said that representative of my own character, but I fail. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought that I could have been annoying him when I thought he was enjoying the conversation as much as I was.

I'm thankful that the bus gets to my stop without giving me time to reply to her. I jump up out of my seat and run down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. my brother and Ashton snicker from behind me as I try not to be so upset. If he was so annoyed by me, why didn't he just stop texting me?

...

The water from the shower begins to feel like it's sent straight from hell, breaking me out of the rewind of vivid memories I have from my middle school crush on Luke. The feeling of heartbreak, though, has returned and refuses to go away no matter how hot the water is. He was always pretending, always joking, always acting like he had any sort of interest in me when in reality he didn't like me at all.

And now this is another occasion where he did the same. How could I be so stupid?

It's been 3 years but he, like everyone else, hasn't changed at all.

I step out of the shower, not being able to handle the heat any longer and grab a towel. Wrapping it around myself, I walk into my room and stick half of my body out of my door, "I see you still have a tendancy to flush the toilet while I'm showering!" I yell into the hallway to Cooper.

Unexpectedly, though, Ashton walks out of the bathroom instead of my brother. I figured everyone had left. It felt like I had been in the shower for an eternity.

He looks alarmed as he shuts the door behind him. I almost make a move to slink back into my room but he stops me by speaking.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were showering."

That has to be the most civilized thing I have ever heard him say. His eyes move down to the towel covering my chest and it occurs to me that the politeness was a one time thing.

"Are you okay?" He surprises me by asking once his gaze is back on my face. What is up with Ashton being nice? To me, of all people?

I almost answer truthfully, since I'm so taken back by his concern. I'm not even sure if he's asking about Luke or the fact that he just caused scolding hot water to pour down my back, anyway. So I quickly let out an aggravated, "I'm fine," before returning back to my room and slamming the door. I know his concern is just as much of a joke as Luke's memory lapse is, and I'm not about to submit myself to anymore of that.

"Luke's all upset now," he lies to me through the door, showing that he was in fact questioning me about how I felt concerning Luke, "You should come down and talk to him."

I dont respond to him, moving to my closet to get dressed. I can still feel his presence on the other side of the door while I'm slipping all of my clothes on and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. He finally lets out a sigh and I hear his footsteps retreating when I'm putting on my last article of clothing. 

Once I'm sure he's back downstairs, I take a deep breath and fling open my door. I try my best to get angry and think about how anyone I knew in California would have handled this. I'm definitely not about to stay quiet and be a victim like I was in middle school.

I pad down the stairs quietly despite my longing to seem angry and intimidating. Any chance of that happening is ruined once I reach the living room and see Luke's face. I'm more intimidated by him than he is by me, and I'm at a loss for words once he looks over at me. Still, I do my best and cross my arms infront of my chest, just glaring at him as best I can.

"Maddie, I'm sorry," He sighs.

"Sorry?" I surprise myself by snapping. Every joke he has played on me without eliciting a response other than tears has led up to this point, "You're sorry? Are you kidding? Oh, of course you are. How could you possibly feel any sort of sympathy for me?"

"It really isn't how you're thinking of it at all. I wasn't trying to be mean I was just--"

"You expect me to believe that this isn't some stupid plan to hurt me like you've done so many effing times?" I let out a single laugh, "Cuz I'm not the same 12 year old that you can just pick on, Luke."

"That's exactly why I tried to pretend that I didn't know you!" He stands from his seat and runs his hands through his hair. I have to admit, he is a very good actor. He looks just as distressed and nervous as anyone telling the truth would.

"What, so you could play a prank on me?"

"No, so that I could start over," He pauses, eyeing me. I don't look at him, I refuse to. Once I realize that the only other places to look are at my brother or Ashton, our eyes meet again and he continues speaking, "I'm not a stupid 14-year-old anymore."

"I find this so hard to believe, Luke. You don't just go from being an asshole to actually wanting to talk to me," I consider running back up the stairs, but I stand my ground. Anything he could say to me would just be bullshit.

"I don't know how to convince you that this isn't some fucked up joke."

"You can't," I shake my head. I wish he would just leave me alone. I want to believe him, but I don't want to be naive anymore. I don't want to believe he likes me and then sit alone in my room crying when he ends up laughing in my face for the billionth time.

"Dude, just leave," Cooper surprises me by speaking up, "You've already made yourself look bad and it's no use."

 "Maybe you shouldn't have been such an asshole, playing all those jokes on her back then. If you hadn't she'd probably believe you," Ashton adds.

"Ashton, shut the fuck up," I say, still not censoring anything I'm saying, "As if you weren't there every time he did."

I'm still fuming and I'm annoyed that he's been trying to be nice to me and act innocent when he is as much at fault as Luke is. Half the time, Ashton was probably the one to come up with the joke. His shoulders slump own at my words and he looks defeated. For once, he has nothing to say.

"Both of you, just leave," Cooper raises his voice. I should be angry at him, too. He would only just laugh at me when I would be upset over his friend. He was also the one who told Luke that I liked him in the first place, starting the whole thing. But I'm too shocked that he's finally taking responsibility and -- sort of -- protecting me. 

Ashton looks at Cooper with his mouth open, as if he is about to protest, but still doesn't say anything. My gaze meets Luke's again, but I look away before he can continue to grovel. Both of them walk to the door without another word.

"Thanks," I say to Cooper once they are gone.

"That's the last time I'm letting you hang out with my friends," He rolls his eyes, taking on his careless, hateful attitude once again and stomping up the stairs.