Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 26

== Ashton's POV ==

I pull away from Maddie feeling like I've just had a bolt of electricity shot through me. It's been far too long that I've waited for this. I mean, the kiss in my kitchen was unwarranted and lasted about .005 seconds. But this--this counts. And looking at her now, I just want her more than ever.

There's a point where, for a few beats, we're back to just looking at each other in silence. The corners of her mouth curl up in a small smile and her cheeks have turned a bright pink. I'm not even sure if I'm breathing right now, honestly. Is this happening? Could Maddie actually like me too?

The way her smile quickly fades, though, answers the question. She lowers her eyes and the 'moment' is ended as she clears her throat. I know now that she's thought of Luke and that's the reason the whole mood changed. I could never compare to him in her eyes anyway, so why should that start now? Fuck.

I try not to let out a sigh as I get off of her and lie on my back beside her. I've just made things more complicated for her again, haven't I? Well, sue me for thinking that after Luke has been an even bigger asshole, I actually had a chance. I mean, for a second there I believed it.

"I'm going to actually sleep now," she laughs awkwardly. I watch her (longingly, probably) as she turns and lays on her side. To my surprise, she scoots so that her back is against my side and I hold my breath again. Just when I concluded I didn't have a chance..

"Okay," I say just above a whisper, moving my arm closest to her without thinking. She surprises me again by lifting her head and letting me wrap it around her before she settles even closer against me. Mixed signals, always mixed signals.

It isn't long before her breathing starts to slow and I'm left to myself and my own thoughts. It's true that I did just single-handedly make things more complicated, but everything was starting to make itself complicated before anyway. I mean, there's everything with Luke and now I've found out that she's hurt herself.

I knew she was hurting, obviously. But I didn't think she took it out on herself. She said that she hasn't done it in a while, but I know that could be an excuse. Now I just want to be with her at all times to make sure she's okay. But I can't get even moderately close to that when Luke still manages to be in her thoughts so often.

Fuck, I sound like such a prick. I need to just suck it up; it's not like I didn't do that for years anyway. I should accept what I have with with her, too, since God knows I longed for even this kind of relationship with her a few years ago. But I can't help wishing it could be more and we could be closer so I could protect her more.

My mom walks past the room, but back tracks and steps inside slowly before I can think any further. I watch her every move as she picks up a laundry basket from my floor and goes over to my hamper. I do my own laundry, so she couldn't make it any more obvious that she wants to say something. Or just chaparone us.

She must feel my gaze on her, though, randomly turning around and looking at me. When I don't say anything, she lifts her eyebrows at me, looking from Maddie to me again. I sigh, "What?"

"What's this?" She laughs knowingly, gesturing toward us.

I look down at Maddie and she seems to be fast asleep now, but who can know?

"I kissed her," I whisper just loudly enough for my mom to hear. But of course that's stupid because Maddie is closer to me, so if she's awake and my mom can hear it, she can hear it too. Despite any nervousness I feel about it, I can't help the smile that spreads across my face when I say it. "Why are you laughing?"