Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 20

In Painting and Drawing later in the day, the weird vibe I had gotten from Ashton in and after Chemistry is somehow gone. He has his signature smirk on his face and even lets out a "hey ugly" as I sit next to him, which surprises me. It's weird to see him be his usual self after being so considerate to me just a day earlier. I'm glad though, I'd much rather have this than the awkward niceness that was apparently a consequence of such consideration.

A few moments after the bell rings, he sighs, "I don't want to do anything today."

"Yeah, me either," I lay my head down on my paper. The truth is, though, I never want to do anything. The project we started forever ago is due in a week and I've barely drawn anything. I've pretty much given up on this class, honestly.

"Want to go outside?" Ashton whispers, running his hand through his hair with a smile.

"Go outside? You're kidding right?" I lift my head in shock. The school is a closed campus, so if we go outside we're pretty much screwed. I already got detention for skipping yesterday, I don't want to get suspended or something.

"Nah."

"Ashton," I whisper-screech at him, pulling my own hair to a side to braid it, "I'm not about to get in trouble twice in one day for cutting class. Especially when I have this to do."

He gives me a look of mock sympathy, grabbing his paper and standing from his seat. With a signal to mimic his actions, I stand too and my mind races. What the hell am I doing? Why am I even friends with Ashton, this is just causing me more trouble. What the hell am I doing?

"It'll be fine, trust me," he says, giving me a pointed look. He turns his back to me and steps forward just before I stop him. My mouth hangs open nervously and he stares at me, apparently waiting for my refusal.

"Why should I trust you?" I ask finally, more meaning given to the question than I initially intend. I want to know why, over all, I should even trust Ashton after his violence and what Cooper said about him and Luke. But why not after his impressive show of care when I needed it? I shake my head and watch as he merely turns back around, answering the question with a smirk.

With a confident saunter, he makes his way to the teacher and I follow close behind him warily. I swear to god if he gets me in trouble again...

"Mrs. Abbiati, can we work outside? I don't think this environment is very suitable for my creative process today," His voice is as innocent as I've ever heard it and he motions back toward me, "and especially not for Maddie over here."

"Of course, Ashton," She smiles and I feel my breath catch in my throat in surprise. I watch her write a pass for the both of us and as she hands it to Ashton, he grabs my wrist. Once he pulls me out into the hallway and we're alone, he starts giggling, probably at my concerned expression. How the fuck did that just happen?

He continues to laugh as we exit the school, him still pulling me along. I let out a sigh as he slides down to sit against the wall of the school and stand above him with my hands on my hips. I'm not intimidating in the least, though, and he just smiles up at me.

"Does everything come that easy to you?" I ask, still refusing to sit as he grabs what I assume to be a joint from his pocket.

"Of course it fucking doesn't," he rolls his eyes. He confirms my assumptions by placing the paper between his lips and lighting it. With a flick of his hair to the side, he looks up at me questionably as he takes it out and puffs smoke out into the air. "What?" he barks.

I hadn't realized that I'd been watching him closely with narrowed eyes until he broke me out of the trance. I let out a sigh and plop down beside him quickly. "You're disgusting," I say, looking off into the parking. We could leave right now if we wanted, I realize. And if Ashton wasn't in such a bitchy mood all of a sudden.

I begin to work on my project for once when he starts in on me, "There's nothing disgusting about this, Madeline. Granted, there are a ton of disgusting things about me but this isn't one of them."

"Why did I come out here with you?" I ignore his remark, looking up from my drawing to make sure he could tell I was upset with him. It amazes me that less than 24 hours ago we were hugging in his kitchen.

He takes in another breath of smoke and holds it for a moment before it comes billowing out of his mouth again. Anger raises visibly to his cheeks soon after.

"I don't know, Maddie. Why is a perfect princess like you wasting your time with me?" He draws out sarcastically, his eyes practically shooting daggers in my direction.

My own annoyance fades quickly at his words and I look down again at my project to keep away from a frustrated gaze of his that I haven't once been met with from him before. I feel ashamed for starting a fight with the only person I think I can trust and really begin to wonder what has gotten into him since Chemistry. Normally, he would have made a joke in response to my annoyance, but now he is strangely more willing to aggrivate me and actually fight with me than ever.

"Sorry," his voice suddenly goes back to its usual softness before I can come up with any reason he could be acting strange and he places his free hand on my shoulder. I don't look up, but instead continue to try to work.

Really, why am I wasting my time with him? I wish it was easier for me to make friends, because there has to be someone nicer than Ashton. He has somehow become the nicest person in my life and I'm afraid it might stay that way.

"Your shading sucks," he laughs after most likely realizing that I wasn't going to accept his apology.

"You suck," I mumble, still not looking at him.

"Amazing comeback, like always," He chuckles and from the corner of my eye I see him take another hit from the joint. Is that even how you describe that, or can you only take hits off of bongs? I don't know. I've been holding my breath since he lit it and I can barely think. It smells horrible, anyway.

"Why do you even smoke that stuff?" I finally tun to look at Ashton and it catches him off guard. He's holding the paper between his pointer finger and thumb and he stares at me for a second before shurgging and abruptly breaking the eye contact.

"I don't know. Calms me down and stuff. you should try it," He turns his head back to me and, careful not to upset me again, gives me a look that tells me he's kidding.

I set my pencil back onto the paper and slump further down against the wall with a sigh. Even though it was a joke, the idea sparks in my mind that I should actually consider it. I must be crazy. Drugs entirely have always been gross to me and I never saw the thought of something altering my thoughts as appealing, but suddenly the pros of it are running through my mind.

Could it actually be therapeutic? I mean, my mom clearly isn't going to get me a real therapist and it had to be better than cutting, right? Plus, for some reason, I want Ashton's approval more than ever. This would help me be less of a kill joy, wouldn't it?

"Can I?" I burst out before my mind can start to think of counter-arguments that it had always come up with in the past. In the back of my mind, I'm appalled with myself, but my immediate consciousness can only think of anything good that come out of this. Maybe it will make me feel better -- calm me down, like he said.

Ashton's eyebrows knit together as soon as the words leave my mouth, but he doesn't seem to oppose it either. He passes it over to me and tells me exactly what to do without question. I almost wish he would have fought me on it, though. Because as soon as he starts giving me all these rules and regulations, I'm certain I'll do something wrong.

"Your brother is going to kill me," he mutters as I hesitantly put it between my lips. I force myself to block out all anxious thoughts stemming from the idea of Ashton's germs that are already on the joint before I can panic any further. The entire fact that I'm putting a pretty much toxic substance into my body is already panic-inducing enough.

I take in the breath of smoke and attempt to hold it like he told me to, but it immediately burns the back of my throat and sends me into a fit of coughs.

"Try again," He attempts to supress his laughter, using the hand that isn't patting me on the back to push the weed back in front of me. I just want him to take it back, but I keep it anyway. Now, the cons of it are flooding into my mind one by one. This is such a stupid idea.

When my coughing settles, I try it again, this time with a bit more success. I breathe out easier and watch the smoke drift away from my mouth. There is still a pain in my chest and I try to keep in multiple coughs, but it at least doesn't feel like I'm about to die this time. Just the process, though, makes me never want to think about smoking ever again. But we'll see how I feel after it hits me.

Ashton finally takes it away from me and I stifle more coughs, sitting back while he laughs. I tilt my head toward him and glare tiredly at him. I didn't know smoking weed would take very much out of me, but it did.

Soon, his laughter fades and we're both looking at eachother similarly to the way we did before he kissed me yesterday. I almost scoot away so that he can't again, but he shakes his head and stops looking at me before anything can happen. I'm sure the thought didn't even cross his mind. Why did it even cross mine?

"So I talked to Luke and he said we can come over after practice," Ashton says, stomping the joint out on the pavement and clearly avoiding looking at me, "Uh, I'll just give you a ride there, after I drop Cooper off."