Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 64

Trigger warning I'm so so sorry

==Ashton's POV==

You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to drive home at the same time that you're developing a black eye. I had to pull over twice because of how much it stung, and swerved so many times just from wiping the blood from under my nose.

Now, as I sit in my driveway, it's hard to get out. I almost wish I had gotten in an accident, just so that I wouldn't have to explain the wreck that is my face to my mother.

I stare at the door and grit my teeth. I should have cleaned myself up at Luke's house, but I couldn't stand being there for another minute, with the way everyone was looking at me. The only person who found it funny was him, and no one pulled Cooper off of me until Calum came in.

The worst part was, in the midst of him beating the crap out of me, hearing that Maddie was 'freaking out.' Even as I gripped my face in pain and Calum helped me up, I knew exactly what he meant because I had seen it for myself a week ago.

This time, though, it was my fault.

Everything since she found out I slept with Lily has been building up for her. I had to add onto it by sleeping with her again, and then Luke had to be the dick that he is and tell yet another lie.

I can't even be mad. These lies wouldn't mean shit if I had told her the truth to start with.

I grip the door handle and pull on it, jerking the door open. Cooper literally only hit my face, but my entire body is aching. I stumble onto the snow but somehow keep my balance all the way to the door.

This is hell, but I deserve it. My body is begging me to go to sleep, but I know that I won't. At least not with Maddie's well-being on my mind, and my inability to help her now.

God, I just can't do anything right, can I?

Shakily, I unlock the door to the house and take off my boots when I step inside. The living room is dark and empty, and I let out a breath of relief. It couldn't be later than one in the morning, but maybe my mom is already asleep and I won't have to deal with her concern until tomorrow.

"Happy New Year!" She calls as I hear her come down the stairs and I let my shoulders slump. So much for that. "I was just checking on--"

She stops as soon as she comes down enough to get a glimpse of my face. I'm not even sure how mutilated it looks, but judging by her level of concern, it's a lot. Her mouth hangs open and I wipe under my nose again, the back of my hand already stained with my blood.

"What happened?" she asks, coming over to me. As soon as she brings her hands up to touch my face, I flinch away from her.

"Luke happened," I say.

I don't want anyone's pity and I just want to be left alone to worry about Maddie and feel as guilty as I am. If I had never lied to her, there's a good chance that none of this would have happened. If I had never slept with Lily in the first place, this definitely would not have happened.

"He hit you?" She asks, "Why?"

"Cooper hit me," I clarify, edging past her to get to the stairs. "I apparently was only dating Maddie so that I could sleep with her."

"Luke said that? Why would either of them believe him?"

"Y'know mom," I stop, turning around. I'm exhausted, but I really can't let myself sleep. "Based on who I am and what I've done, it's not that surprising."

That's the worst part of it, the part that makes me hate myself. It's not so much that Luke lied, it's the fact that he was able to. All he had to do was make a simple statement, and because of how horrible I am, everything that mattered to me fell apart even more.