Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 31

My alarm goes off the next morning and for once, I feel okay. I still woke up in the middle of the night from another dream, but the dream has changed again. Over and over I've changed the ending of the dream in my mind to me getting away or knocking Luke out. Now, even as I'm being held down, there's a sense of security that overcomes me. A sense that help and safety is coming.

I sit up and wipe my eyes, almost even willing to face Luke for real. Almost. My waking life does not have the same sense of safety as my dream world does, apparently. I start to go through my daily routine hastily, getting more and more nervous as time goes on.

When I come to my closet and start getting dressed, I actually look at the cuts on my arm and sigh. I don't like that I do this, I don't. But in the moment that I do it, it feels like it's helping, especially when I feel so stuck. Could Ashton actually be a reason to stop again? I mean, could he make things better to where I don't feel I have to?

I shake my head, pulling on a pair of jeans. I don't want to rely on him and I have to remember that. Even if my own self is not a good enough reason for me to get better, not getting better is preferable to getting better because of him and then getting much worse if I lose him. And I'm still wary of that.

To keep myself from thinking too much of it again, I avert my attention to the rack of shirts in front of me. I end up picking out a graphic t-shirt and put a zip-up hoodie over it. I even slip on a pair of boots instead of the ratty converse I've been wearing. It may not be the best outfit, but at least I'm putting some thought into it.

I get downstairs and look at the clock in the kitchen to see I still have twenty minutes before Ashton usually gets here. Cooper is standing against the counter, chomping on a banana. I can't tell if he's grumpy or not, but he refuses to make eye contact with me.

"Hey," I say, grabbing a banana of my own and standing next to him while I peel it.

"Hi," he says gruffly. He seems to second guess his tone, though, finally looking at me and forcing a smile.

I look away from him, confused, and when he moves to the garbage to throw his peel out, I get the courage to finally ask, "Why are you being nice to me?"

He pauses at the garbage can and I wish I could see the expression on his face, at least. So I can prepare myself if I have pissed him off again. But his back is to me and I'm left to wait for his response in suspense.

"I talked to dad," he finally says, emotionless as he turns back to face me. He still has the same annoyed expression on his face and I assume he's keeping his tone flat in an attempt to be nice.

"About what?" I ask, a bit taken back. I can't think of much that would actually convince my brother to be nice to me, even coming from our dad.

"He gave me this long-ass lecture again about how I have to look out for you now," he rolls his eyes, "Like, he doesn't think you can handle much more. I still think you asked for it and I don't really care but I know he's going to rip me a new one if he finds out about this bet."

"Wait, again? When did he lecture you before?" I've taken his news like a blow to the face, even though I don't know what I was expecting. People don't just start caring over night.

"Before you got here. Why the hell did you think I didn't want you fucking with my friends?"

"I thought you were just being selfish," I answer, though it was probably a rhetorical question. Cooper laughs to himself and moves back over to the counter where his cup of coffee sits, shaking his head.

"I was trying to protect you," he pauses, probably realizing how nice that sounds. I mean, if it was coming from anyone else I'd be flattered. "But you still had to be a fucking slut."