Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 30

== Maddie's POV ==

With each minute I spend with Ashton, I can feel myself growing to trust him again. Yet there is still that part of me that refuses to, that wants to keep her pride in check and not succumb to his charming demeanor. I know the only reason I'd be so quick to let this go is because I have relied on him so much lately to both escape my problems and face them. In a way, I need him.

But I don't want to need anybody, because people leave. And as far as I know, I still could be right about his involvement in the bet. I'm falling for him harder and harder and with my luck, I would end up giving myself to him and feel comfortable about it. He would leave with a smirk on his face and I would be left worse than before. I don't want that to happen and I don't want to grow so attached to him like I've done with other boys.

I keep fighting with myself, though. Those other boys all happened before everything in California fucked me up. I was obsessed with Luke and the flutter in my stomach when around him was the same as it is with Ashton now. That isn't there for Luke anymore because I'm so scared of something happening, and it's amazing that I haven't felt that way around Ashton once, even when he made those stupid jokes.

I chose him as a means of protecting me from Luke on the first date. When I could have slept in my backyard, I ran to him instead. I've sought comfort in him over and over again, telling him nearly everything about me.

Something in my gut has told me since day one that he is safe and he won't leave. It's just hard for me to trust that now that everything has gone wrong again.

We walk through the abandoned amusement park for hours and I continue to go back and forth about trusting him each time we stop to look at something. I'm probably confusing him so much and I can see the hope leave his face every time I make a snide remark during my 'trust no one' moments.

After I decide I'm done thinking about the lives of the people who enjoyed this place, I turn back to look at Ashton. Oddly enough, his gaze is already set on me and I start to wonder how long I'd been looking at the old roller coaster in front of us. Was he just waiting for me to be done? Heat creeps up into my cheeks in embarrassment and he blinks a few times and shakes his head as though he's breaking himself out of a trance.

"Ready to go?" He gives me a tight-lipped smile and I can't tell, but it looks like he's blushing a bit too. I'm probably just seeing things, since there's really no reason he would be.

I nod and turn to walk back toward where we came from to keep myself from studying him too long. It takes him a moment, but he hesitantly moves to wrap his arm around my shoulder again. I make the decision this time to let him keep it there. I'm not entirely sure if that's a mistake or not. He attempts to sneak a surprised side-glance at me, but I see it anyway.

"I want to go first," I say abruptly the moment we reach the fence. I didn't give it much thought, but I'm considering it now that I should stop acting so helpless. I don't like the way he thinks he can save me and I'm half-sure the reason all of this shit keeps happening to me is because I make how vulnerable I am so obvious. This probably isn't the best place to stop being so dependent on other people, Ashton especially, considering I could fall and break my neck. But it's too late now.

I already start climbing the fence before I can think twice about it and before Ashton can protest. I look back at him when I near the top to see him holding his hand above his eyes like a visor, watching me curiously. A grin appears on his face when he sees me look at him and he reaches his other arm out to give me a thumbs up.

"Nice ass," he chuckles his way through the unexpected suggestive comment.

I move to give him the finger but the smile that spreads, unwarrented, across my face gives me the idea that I had actually been waiting to hear it. He hasn't said anything like that since he told me he knew about California and started acting like he had to protect me from the world. It's nice to somehow have things be more at ease for once, especially after everything we talked about when we got here. It feels normal, not being treated like I'm fragile. (Even though I am.)