Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 56

==Ashton's POV==

Monday, at school, I avoid Milly at all costs. It's not really that hard, since we don't have any classes together, but still. The way she was looking at me was the most terrifying look I've ever seen her give anyone and I hope I don't have to interact with her until she's gotten over Cooper.

If that will ever happen.

I slide into my seat next to Maddie and sigh, having gotten through the halls without seeing her once again. The thing with Lily happened months ago and this is weighing even more heavily on me now than it ever did. Especially after hearing what Cooper thinks.

On top of that, I still haven't talked to Maddie about what she told me on Saturday. Part of me really doesn't think that it could be true -- not even two months ago, she was just as afraid of having sex with me as she was with anyone else. It makes sense, too. This doesn't.

I've had a hard time getting myself to talk to her about it, though. Especially with Peter's input on the whole thing.

He says I should just take her word for it, even if she was drunk. But he has no clue what happened to her or anything about her. He doesn't even know her name.

"Hey, Mad?" I ask.

"One sec," she tells me. She's scrambling to finish the homework that we had over the weekend, which I didn't do. I hardly understand any of this stuff.

I look around the room at everyone talking with eachother. The bell is going to ring soon and then everyone will have to stop, including myself. Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, especially about something like that. But if I don't ask now, I'll keep putting it off.

Sitting back in my seat, I tap my fingers nervously on the table. I don't know why I'm so scared of talking to her about it. Maybe I'm just afraid of what she is going to say, if she'll say she didn't mean it at all.

I know this is a completely dumb thing to say, but I was looking forward to doing something that was always so meaningless to me and for it to finally have meaning.

I can't just put myself before her on that, though. That would defeat the whole purpose.

"Okay," she says breathily and sits up, pushing her paper off to the side. It's full of a bunch of letters and shit that she somehow came to understand but I didn't. I guess there were many times where she forced herself to ignore me during class and I just stayed distracted by her.

"So, um, about what you said on Saturday," I start, my mouth suddenly dry, "You were drunk so I just want to, like, clarify."

"Ashton, I know what I said," Maddie laughs. She pulls one of her legs up, and then the other, so she's sitting with them crossed. Then, she tilts her head at me, waiting for me to continue.

The way she looks at me sometimes, I swear.

"It just feels sudden," I clear my throat, "I don't want to start doing something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Look," she starts, glancing around the room and keeping her voice low, "I didn't think about it before, but if I was so comfortable with you when I wanted to be sure of how I felt, why shouldn't I see if I'm comfortable with you like that?"

"Maddie," I say, even though I know she hates when I do that. It's just that I'm pretty sure it takes more than a year and a month to get over what happened to her to that extent. It amazes me that she's even dating me.

"It's the one thing that makes me worried about you cheating on me, Ashton."

"Maddie, what the hell?" I whisper, "You don't have to force yourself into doing anything. I thought you were starting to trust me again."