Tower Block Dreams

Hitting JP's House

Lena's POV

I jump in my car and head over to JP's parents house I was nervous as he had never been in a car with me before and I would be driving him. Was that why I was nervous?

I pull up outside and all of a sudden I feel like I am  that 18 year old again.   I remember the last time I was here and how he had spoken and treated me I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me....my stomach in knots.  I actually feel sick and not in a good way, have I made a huge mistake by letting my guard down and letting him back into my life again? Had I just gone with the emotions of seeing him again?

Going over the conversation I just had and telling my family that I Love my new fella.....do I? Dan saying I looked loved up? Am I or am I reliving the youth I never got to live?

Remembering that cold haunting tone to his voice when he spoke to me well screamed at me last the way he looked at me in disgust, the more I thought about it the more I felt uncomfortable, disgusted even he never gave me a chance to explain and yes he had read my letter and he still never reached out to me....thought we could be mates, ignored me at school, ghosted me completely how he was embarrassed that I had gone to his house and dirtied it?

The night at my family house after the meal when he pretty much told me he was there because Zane had invited him and for no other reason... me walking out my family house the next day feeling like I couldn't breath because JP was there needing to escape from him because seeing him hurt me real bad knowing that he didn't want me and me needing space, having no one and then bumping into Millie.

Millie helped me massively and I will forever be eternally for our friendship.   She will never know how much she pretty much saved me by her genuine kindness and care.   We are still very much very close and  when she went through a bad patch with Ryan I was there to support her, love her and wipe away her tears like she had done for me.  Seeing JP at first I thought I could handle things I had grown and developed as person and there was amazing chemistry between us but back now outside his house I was awash with emotions.

FUCK I wanted to run, run away I was so confused yes I told him I loved him but did I?  Was that the inner 18 year old of me? 

Shit what was happening to me could I be happy was I allowed to be happy?  And yes he did make me happy.  I was having major doubts I should never of slept with him I should of told James when he was searching for me in The Ashcroft that I wasn't interested why does he pull me to him?

I had sat in the car for more than 10 minutes I snapped out of my zone I switched the engine back on and decided this was and should never happen. I check the mirror.   JP lives on a main road and the traffic is heaving I put on my indicator when I hear a tap at the window.

"Lena" I look up and it's JP he says my name with a huge smile on this face.

I look at him and it is like he can read my mind his face completely changing and I see his frown lines appearing, he looks confused.

"Babe please......please don't" he says as he goes to open the passenger door which is locked.

"Lena open the door please" he says pleading with me.

I unlock the door and he jumps in.

"Lena babe what is it? You Ok?" he asks as he his hand cups my face.

"I ..um I'm sorry JP ...I can't do this.....it's me nothing to do with you so please let us just both move on like this never happened ok?   It has been just a big mistake on both parts" I say shakily.

"WHAT, what you saying Lena?  Christ I love you Lena please tell me what is going on? Are you with someone or something?  He says moving his hand away from face.

"God no  Jesus JP...... just being back here knowing how you spoke to me telling me to never knock at your door again...knowing how heartbroken I was....you are just going to break my heart  again" I stop and look out the car window I can not bear to look at him again and I can feel the tears coming.

I feel his hand go on my leg.

"Babe, that was when we was 18 we are both 24 now, yes I was a fucking idiot, yes I was hurt and yes I loved you back then, I was broken and crushed by what happened  Lena please look at me....." he says

I turn and face him

"Lena all I ever wanted was you, but I thought you would run back to him.  Please darling don't let the past spoil out future yes after you there was others but it never mean anything I was always searching for what we had a true soul mate.  I often searched for you on social media but you wasn't on there and when I saw you at the Ashcroft I knew.......just knew I couldn't let you slip away again Lena ...I mean Carlene Chandler I love you so very much and I want this to work so what do you say?".

I just look at him and the tears fall from my eyes.

"Do you mean that JP do you and have you always loved me? I ask.

"Ahh Lena if only you knew I have always loved you I could kick myself for being so stubborn and immature but trust me you are never leaving my side.......unless you want to?"

I look at him as he grabs my hands.

"Lena Chandler I love you so very much it hurts" he says and leans in to wipe my eyes.

I look and smile and lean in towards him he meets me and kisses my lips.

I breath deeply through the kiss knowing I want him, I do love him.

"Lena is this what you want? I will never pressure you, so if you want to walk away you'll need to walk away now cos I can't handle the uncertainty of you bailing out on me two weeks down the line" He says searching my face and the silent tears are leaving my eyes.

"I was so hurt JP how you treated me back then but then seeing you again and our night together confirmed feelings I have been burying since we was 18 I'm scared you are going to break me again.   I can't be broken again it took me years to mend" I say and even I can hear the real sorrow in my voice.

"Please darling don't I couldn't not feel any worse then I do about my actions back then I was young ok its always been you Lena always has been always will be please believe me when I say how much I love you" He says.

I look at JP finally my JP after years that have passed I lean in and kiss him I wrap my fingers around his neck pulling him in closer to me he responds but then pulls away with that boyish grin of his and says.

"Right Lena turn the engine off I have stuff inside for the BBQ that I need to get and you are coming inside with me ok" he says smiling.

I check my make up in the mirror.

"Ok JP, its just you and Me....and our family's of course" I Smile.

We head out of her car walking down his pathhand in hand.