The Revival of The Force

43 the discussion

43 the discussion

Rose knows that one day or another, she will talk with Hux, but she really wants to push that day as far as possible. After finding where his room is, she decides to take her courage in both hands. She knows that he had spent a long time with Carl Flair today, maybe he is still with him. With two quick knocks, she announces herself. It's not Hux who opens the door, but Jannah. Surprise with her opened mouth covers her face.
"I would like to talk to Hux if that's possible," Rose says shyly.
Now it's mistrust on her face, but Jannah keeps quiet.
"It's fine, I'll talk to her," Hux arrives from behind. He lays a hand on Jannah's shoulder and leaves the room. She didn't move a step to free the passage, still staring at Rose. She wouldn't have thought anything suspicious about these two if she didn't react like that.
Hux carefully closes the door and whispers to Rose: "Do you know a safe place where we could talk?"
"Plenty of them. The sectors that aren't ready to be lived in are all abandoned since we are going to leave."
"Lead me there then."
With a quick pace, they walk to one of the sectors. Simple corridors and doors separate them from the others. Rose notices how stiff Hux walks and the way he looks at everything except her. She wants to say that she is also nervous to talk with him, but it could come out wrong, so she keeps her mouth shut. Rose chooses one random room and opens the door. It looks like a restroom, so she changes to the one next to it. It's empty, there is a window to the outside. A little light from the planets and moons in the sky show the bare walls. No chair or bed where they could sit, but Rose really needs to sit. She is short and Hux is quite tall, the advantage could be misused.
"Do you mind if we sit down in the ground?"
Unsure and stable like a statue, Hux looks down to her. She is already crossing her legs on the ground. He wipes his palms on his legs and also kneels down. Rose can see the difficulties it causes him, she remembers the weakness when she saved him.
After finally managing to sit down, leaned against a wall, Hux intensively looks at Rose. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I thought that maybe after our first meeting, we could talk again. I don't really know about what."
"I don't see the point," Hux lets out.
"Why are you so stiff? You know, if you stay here, you will have to make some social contact. I am giving you an opportunity to start."
"I don't really want to speak with you about anything."
Rose sighs. She knew that it was going to be difficult, but she didn't make herself ready enough for this hostility. "Then, good luck for finding your way back."
"I have a very good memory, I will find the way if that is what you are trying to say."
Pulling her hair back, the nervousness doesn't leave, it just increases. She should have never came to speak with him.
"We might never have the chance to talk again. If you and I both find a job in whole different places. Once we are on Chandrila, everything will change. It's the new start. You can let the past out of it all now."
Hux doesn't answer, staring at one empty wall. Not feeling like speaking again, Rose also keeps quiet. A few minutes later, she is about to stand up, when Hux finally decides to speak.
"I know I won't be able to thank you. So I am thanking you now and here."
"Why are you saying that?"
"You just said it, we might not be able to speak again. So I am telling you know. I have been too much of a coward once already, I better thank you now."
"What are you referring to?" Rose curiously asks.
"When I left the Empire and when you found me on that ship, one Stormtrooper had helped me a lot. She gave me her ship, a weapon, support. She saved my life as much as you did. I didn't thank her. Too weak, too selfish."
"Maybe she is still alive," Rose proposes.
"I don't think so. She must have died along with the millions of Stormtroopers." He sighs and pulls his sleeves down.
"Well then, maybe you will see her again in your after life."
"That is very comforting," Hux remarks.
"I'm a bit nervous right now, so yeah, I'm not good at comforting you."
"Why are you nervous?" Hux asks with a frown.
"Because I don't really know what to say to you."
"Yet still you were the one who knocked on my door. Why did you want to speak to me so badly?"
"You are the only that I share this secret with. I know it could be imprudent to speak with you now, but I had this urge. We didn't say a lot on the trip, but I felt like we kept things quiet that should have been said," Rose responds with her head down.
"I'm sure that we don't need to tell us everything. You have saved my life and I'm thankful. What is there more to say?"
"Well I guess his was stupid then," Rose sighs.
She stands up and wipes the dust off her clothes. As she heads to the door, Hux interrupts her.
"I wouldn't describe is as stupid. It's actually kind. You are giving me an opportunity to speak."
Slowly, she turns around and looks back at Hux. He still sits on the ground and glances at her with his blue eyes that are shining in the twilight.
"Why did you help me?" Hux decides to ask.
Frozen in the doorframe, she stares back at him.
"I don't know," she lets out. Maybe she did know, but not consciously. As she saw that distress call on Ajan Kloss while Poe, Finn and Rey where out in space without her, she decided to do something too. It was so selfish that she rather keeps it shut. When she thinks of it, there was more. Not just the need of acting, instead of waiting for others to be the heroes, something pulled her.
"Do you think I deserve it?" a silent voice asks.
At first, Rose doesn't understand what Hux just said, but as she sees his eyes filled with water, she knows. "I don't know."
"Then what do you know?" Hux carefully unfolds his body and steps closer to Rose.
"I don't know," she answers with a smile.
"Great." There is no smile on his face, but Rose sees that his lips twitch for a brief second. "I guess that you didn't tell anyone about it."
"No, I didn't. They were just a little surprised when I came back, but I invented an excuse." When the silence fills the room again, she adds: "Did you tell anyone?"
"No. I kept this silent too."
"But why are we though?" Rose wonders.
"Judgement, I estimate," he responds.
"Anyway, I don't think there is so much to say, unless you want to tell me something."
Hux looks at nothing and then slowly shakes his head in response. Deciding to leave, Rose turns around again. And once more, he stops her from going.
"Do you also feel very lonely sometimes?"
Her hand stops from pushing the handle down, her breath is cut. This man is full of surprises.
"Yes. Everyone does," she answers without looking back.
"And then why aren't we telling it to anyone? We keep our mouths shut."
"Because we feel ashamed, because we don't want people to know that we can be weak."
"It seems like you know more than you said. Even I didn't know the answers to those questions."
"It's my opinion, maybe you think about it differently than I do," Rose remarks.
Hux's nose jerks, staring at the ground.
"Are you okay?" Rose asks insecure.
A deep breath in and he straightens his back. "Yes, totally."
Rose lifts her eyebrows, of course he would say that.
"No. I'm not. I don't deserve this." Still avoiding to look at her, Hux let out those words in one breath.
Suddenly Rose feels uncomfortable again, she puts her shaking hands behind her back. She remembers when they fought against him with Finn. It is difficult for her to think that this is the same person. His chin up, his chest proud, now a broken man stands in front of her. Does he really deserve this? She can't tell.
"Please don't do anything irreversible," she lets out extremely quiet.
His wet eyes look back to her. "Did you think – ?" He lets out the rest of the sentence in suspense.
Rose nods. "I don't really know you, you might do something like that!"
He comes closer to her, menacing. "Take my own life? Never! I am the most selfish person I know, so I would hurt people and maybe kill them if I need that to feel better!"
The raised voice makes Rose step back, blocked against the door. That broken man can also be a monster.
"I won't hurt you," he adds, completely calm like nothing just happened. "I said that I might give you something back for saving me. Is there something I can give you?"
The panting stops her from speaking, plus she has no idea what he could give her.
"I'll let you think then."
"Okay. Well, I need to do something, so I'll leave you here with your memory. You can also come with me if you don't trust it enough. Bye, Hux."
As soon as she has left the room, she pulls herself together. She breathes into her hands who are cold and still shaking. Before going back, she waits for her breath to calm down. At the end of the hallway, a voice stops her.
"Rose?" Hux's head that comes out of the doorframe says. "Thank you."
She smiles and rapidly turn to the left. What was that?

(Promise - Ben Howard)