The Way It Ends

3. Only if you knew

There's a war inside of me
Do I cause new heartbreak to write
A new broken song?
Do I push it down
Or let it run me right into the ground?

Meredith woke with a major headache, last night being all blurry and fuzzy. She heard a man groan beside her as the alarm went off.
"Ahhh," she screamed jumping up in the bed pulling the sheets over her. "Oh god," she dropped her head in her hands as memories from last night came flashing by.
"Well you're not a morning person," Derek slowly woke up. Meredith stood up, the sheets still wrapped around her.
"This is humiliating on so many levels. You have to go." she started walking towards the bathroom.
"Why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off." Derek sat up.
"How about I'm going to take a shower and when I get back you won't be here, so goodbye, uhm goodbye," she tried to remember his name but couldn't quite put her finger on it.
"Derek," he answered putting his hand out.
"Right, Meredith," she shook his hands. "Bye Derek," she left turning around and going into the bathroom.

At the hospital
"Would everyone listen up," Ellis shouted, standing on the staircase trying to get everyone's attention. "I would like to introduce you to our new chief of Neurosurgery, Dr Derek Shepherd and our new OB/GYN Attending Dr Addison Shepherd." Everyone was clapping except Meredith. She stood there frozen realising what she has done. "What the hell is up with you?" Cristina asked nudging her in the side.
"I, uh, it's nothing," Cristina was left confused as Meredith fled the room.

Derek's eyes caught Meredith waking away as fast as she could.
"Well then I think we should get to work," he tried wrap up the conversation to catch up with her.

He ran down the stairs and followed her, grabbing her hand and going through a door that led to the stairwell.
"Meredith let me explain," he was now face to face with her.
"This is very inappropriate Dr Shepherd," she was turning around but was stopped by Derek running in front of her.
"Dr Shepherd? Last night it was Derek?"
"Last night I didn't know you were my boss and that you were married and having a child. A child!" She said it twice, trying to get sense of all this.
"That's exactly what I'm trying to explain Meredith,"
"I'm leaving now, and it's Dr Grey," she stormed out slamming the door behind her.

Derek punched the wall getting very furious. How was he ever going to explain this to her if she won't even let him talk. He heard a knock on the door, "Derek," Addison came through with a worried face.
"Why are you here? Who asked for you?" He had his hands on his hips trying to stop himself from hitting her by accident.
"I'm trying to get you back. I'm trying to explain all of this to you..."
"No, you don't get to explain," Derek interrupted her. "You know when would've been a good time to explain? 8 months ago when we found out you were pregnant. Yeah that would've been a great time because maybe then I would've still considered giving you a chance but you blew it. So no, you don't get to explain," still staring at her as he walked past her and stormed out.

"Meredith what the hell was that about," Cristina caught up with her in the hallway. Meredith pushed her into one of the on call rooms and locked the door. "You don't get to tell anyone, you understand?" She pointed a finger at her sounding very serious.
"Meredith what the hell did you?" Cristina got worried. Meredith took a deep breath and started talking, "I slept with Derek last night," she blurted out not knowing what her reaction will be.
"You and McDreamy did the nasty?"
"McDreamy?"
"Well look at him," she lifted her hands up. "He is... dreamy." Meredith cocked her head to the side thinking about it. She puckered her lips agreeing to Cristina while nodding.

"But this is not the point," Meredith shook her head. "The point is I slept with Derek, our boss and that's not even the worst part."
"Oh yeah, you're a dirty mistress now you know that."
"Cristina," Meredith sounded serious.
"What? Am I wrong?" Meredith rolled her eyes, "I need your help," she said trying to forget what Cristina just said.
"How am I going to help you?"
"I don't know," Meredith placed her hand on her forehead, walking around in the on call room. "Cover me," she finally said. Cristina gave and idiotic look, "Cover you."
"Yeah, when he comes closer I hide behind you and you'll cover me," she sounded like it was the most brilliant idea ever.
"That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. I can't cover you."
"Why not?"
"Because he's not stupid Meredith, he'll see you either way,"
"Then tell me what to do," Meredith begged.
"I... just go on with your life. Ignore him when he tries to talk to you in private. And be around Bailey. She'll definitely scare him,"
"That's brilliant. Thank you Cristina," she touched her shoulders and left the room.
"What would she do without me," Cristina mumbled under her breath following her out of the room.