The Way It Ends

38. England

Meredith came home after a 48h shift. She was absolutely knackered. Her own two feet could hardly keep her up. Derek watched her walk out of the hospital seeing her stumble in her steps, trying to keep herself awake. He was thinking about offering her a ride but he was too mad at her. Or at least that's what he's been telling himself, his stubbornness took over. Meredith got in her car and started the engine when her phone went off. She rolled her eyes knowing exactly who it was. Tom has been calling her all day, yesterday. It was time to finally pick up. She looked down at her phone sleepily and put it near her ears, "Hey Tom," she yawned in the process.
"Meredith. Hi," his voice sounded welcoming, "I know you had a long two days and all you want to do is sleep. But I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you," he said. Hearing him say that made her feel so special. Her sleepiness disappeared as she straightened up, "I miss you too but I would like to sleep in my own bed today. I'm closer to the hospital and I need to be in early tomorrow," she said with a yawn.
"Okay baby. Drive safe. I love you," he said.
"Yeah me too," she said before hanging up the phone. The phone was thrown into the bag as she cringed at her words. 'Yeah me too?' She thought to herself. Who on earth says that? You say 'love you too'. Meredith banged her head into the steering wheel before driving off.

Meredith arrived at her house. Everyone already sound asleep. She sneaked up into her bedroom and threw herself flat on the bed and fell asleep in an instant.

She was in a white room again. Laying on the ground. She sat up and saw Derek in a gas mask looking at her and shaking his head.
"Derek?" She whispered. She stood up and started running towards him when gas started filling the room once again. But this time it was much quicker. Meredith looked at Derek and screamed for his help but he just stood there shaking his head. Huge disappointment on his face. "Derek please-," she pleaded until her last breath. She dropped to the floor and closed her eyes. Tom came running towards her and wrapped his arms around her and brought her out. She laid there unconscious. Derek came up beside her and laid a kiss on her lips making her wake up in an instant and coughing her lungs out. She looked around to look for Tom but he was nowhere to be found.
"I thought you were better then Addison Mer." His voice sounded weak, "How could you do that to Tom?" He asked.
"Derek you have to believe me, there's nothing going on between me and Lucas. He was just trying to help me figure things out." Meredith tried to explain as she had her hands crossed begging for his understanding. But Derek just shook his head and went far away from her.

"I fucking hate you," Meredith threw herself on her back hearing the giggles from behind her.
"Oh come on. At least you kissed McDreamy," the same dark figure appeared in front of her.
"What else could you possibly show me?" Meredith grunted, sitting up. She was tired of seeing her face every time she slept. Derek's face would be more pleasing. Tom's! Tom's face would be more pleasing. God why can't she accept the fact that Derek is not hers anymore. "Before you answer that?" She put a finger up and stood up, "Can you have a different face? Because seeing myself is kind of disturbing at times," Meredith said truthfully.
"Trust me. If I could I would've already," the figure chuckled. "Now! Come with me we're going to the glass box," she took her hand.
"Ugh I don't want to. I've seen enough," she rolled her eyes.
"Clearly not enough! You're already messing up and it hasn't even been two days," she grunted.
"If you know the answer, why don't you just tell me?" Meredith asked.
"Because I can't!" She answered.
"But you said you know the answer." Meredith tried to decipher her words.
"That is indeed true. I know exactly who to choose," she nodded.
"Then tell me!" Meredith begged.
"I can't because you haven't decided yet!" She snapped at her.
"But you know the answer," she screamed back.
"But you haven't figured that out yet so I can't tell you!" She replied in a calmer voice.
"Ughmph you are infuriating," Meredith clenched her fists in front of her face. Her replica just smiled and swung her shoulders front and back, "I know, now watch," she did her fancy hand wipe and a scene appeared in front of them. Tom was seen in front of them, devastated. He was sitting on the bed looking at old photos of Meredith and him. "When was this?" She asked.
"It's not was, it is," the voice answered.
"He's looking at photos of us right now?" She asked.
"I would like to believe so. See he's been worried about you." She told Meredith over her shoulder.
"But he sounded just fine on the phone when I talked to him," Meredith explained.
"Because he doesn't want you to be worried. You've been very distant lately and you've been very clear about your personal space. He only wants to respect your wishes," she told her trying to figure out her emotions.
"Why are you showing me Tom? Last time it was all about Derek. What are you trying to tell me woman?" Meredith shook her by the shoulders. There were so many things spinning around in her head. Everything was just so unpredictable and so out of her touch.
"This is your dream," she put her hands up in defense, "I'm just living in it," she explained to her.
"Ahhh but you told me you know the answer," she clenched her fists again, stopping the tears from pouring down her cheeks.
"I do. And so do you. It's right in front of you," she changed the scene to Derek and Tom standing beside each other. Meredith stared at Derek. He was in his handsome red shirt. From the first night they met. His hair laid perfectly on his head. Smiling at her with teeth and with eyes. His beautiful ocean blue dreamy eyes that sparkles at the sight of her. There he was, the man she once knew and loves or loved. She went and looked at Tom. He was standing there smiling. Not showing any teeth but still filled with the same amount of love. His eyes brown. Different from what Derek has but still gorgeous. Especially when the sun shines on his face. The golden specks sparkle in his eyes. It's truly a treasure. He was in his famous black Burberry suit. A white shirt underneath it. A bit tight on him, showing of his muscles. Just the way she likes it. He wasn't those bulgy body builders. He was slim and tall but muscular. His hands were in his pocket as he stood there nervously. British written all over him. They both stood there radiating with love. She started walking towards one of them but remembered the glass door. She looked up at the guy and stared into his eyes. A smile occurring on her face. She turned back around and looked at her subconscious, "This is torture! He's he is right there and I and I can't get to him," she waved her hands.
"Because Meredith. This is all in your head. Wake up and finally give yourself the answer." She stepped closer. This time she was warm and welcoming.
"But I don't know if that's the answer," she shook her head.
"Yes you do," the figure nodded.
"But what if I'm wrong? I don't want to live my life with this regret," she sat down on the floor. The voice following her.
"That will unravel as time goes on. But just look at them. Really look at them and think about your decision," they turned back around. Both of them still stood there staring the women, "It's a hard, life changing decision, that is going to affect your future. Let it be good or bad," she explained. By the swipe of her hand she changed it back to the picture before. Tom still sitting on the bed. Reminiscing about the old days. How they were so happy. It changed again to Derek. He laid awake on his bed.
"Something is bugging him," Meredith called out, "I know that face. That's when he's thinking about something he did wrong today," Meredith felt kind of satisfied that she knew that.
"Do you think it has to do about what he witnessed today?" She asked.
"What do you mean?" Meredith looked at her confused.
"You and Lucas," the dark figure clarified it for her.
"How do you know about Lucas?" Meredith was confused.
"You know for a surgeon you are very dumb," the voice said frankly.
"Oh shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "This all seems so real. I forgot it was a dReAm!" She leaned in close to her as she talked to her. The figure just chuckled and turned back to Derek. He was now sitting up and brushing his hands through his hair. "So what do you think Meredith?" She asked her again and watched her staring at Derek.
"I just don't understand why he took it so hard? We're not together. It's none of his business," Meredith told her frankly.
"Jealousy does have that affect on people," the voice nodded and changed it back to Derek and Tom standing beside each other. " I need you think about it long and hard. You've almost made the first move by going up to one of them but glass door stopped you. So just relax, go through your options. Imagine your future with them," she told her.
"I already know my future with Tom," she rolled her eyes. Shivering at the thought of that becoming true.
"That is just one of many possibilities," Meredith suddenly whipped her head to the voice. "You mean that's not the only way my future can go?" Meredith asked.
"It's all on the details. You change one tiny thing and your whole future is changed. Everyone's future is changed," all these wise words came out of her mouth. Meredith was trying to understand her. Meredith turned her attention back to the boys, "I look at them and all I know now is that I am horny. This ache between my leg just won't go away," Meredith earned a chuckle from the vice again, "Yes they are both very dreamy men," she told her, "Now wake up and take care of the problem. And choose a man. I love you but I really don't want to see your face again. And yes I know we have the same face but I'm still the cute one," she smirked as Meredith rolled her eyes. The figure stood up and walked to Meredith ready to choke her.
"Wait!" Meredith stood up backing away, "Isn't there another way of waking up? I can hardly breathe when I open my eyes," she tried to change the voices mind. But she keeps forgetting that it's her. A very stubborn side of her. "What's the fun in that," she gave her a mischievous grin and flew right to her, tightening her grip around her and choking her.