The Way It Ends

48. Packing

"I still think we should cancel," Meredith shrugged as she watched Derek pack their suitcase.

"We're not cancelling," Derek rolled his eyes.

"We could say I got the flu. They can't hate me for having the flu," Meredith suggested and leaned forward.

"Meredith, I know you're scared."

"I'm not scared," she stood up, "Who said I was scared?"

"Oh, then what are you?" He smiled, stopping for a minute.

"I'm concerned. As your girlfriend who is about to meet your family should be allowed to be concerned," she walked over to him her hands in her front jean pockets.

"You're allowed to be concerned," he said softly.

"So, my concerns are saying we should tell them I have the flu," she wrapped her hands around his torso.

"You're cute you know that?" He wrapped his hands around her and sliding his hands into her back pockets, and pulling her close.

"Don't flatter me," she pouted.

"It's not flattery when it's the truth although now you're even cuter, with the whole lip poking out a little," he brushed his forefinger across her bottom lip.

"Ass," she hit his hand.

"Ow," he acted hurt.

"You deserved it."

"Maybe," he smiled and leaned in to kiss her.

"You promise you won't wonder off and be with your brother in-laws?" She pulled away from the kiss and rested her head on his chest, hugging him tighter.

"I told you, I'd superglue our hands together," he said sarcastically.

"That's a bit absurd Derek," Meredith giggled.

"But I'd do it if it meant you'd feel more comfortable going to meet my family."

"I know," she hugged him tight one last time, "Okay," she pulled away, "Let's pack."

"Do you feel better?" He asked

"A little," she said softly.

"Better than nothing."

"Yeah," she answered shortly and started packing the suitcase quietly.

Derek wanted to ask her if everything's alright because she's been acting a little weird lately. For one minute they'd act like Meredith and Derek and then she'd go quite for a while. Shut everything off and be in her own little world.

She's been doing great with therapy too. So, that couldn't be the problem. Last session Dr Wyatt said she's been doing great. So has Derek but he never really had serious issues. He was more or less the main problem of Meredith's problems. But nevertheless Meredith was finally healing and on a path of normality. Or as normal as she'll ever get. At the very beginning Dr Wyatt said she'll never be the same. The thing that happened to her has changed her forever. In a bad way and a good way. But that was okay with Derek because the woman he fell in love with never left. Sometimes it disappears, like moments like these but he knows it's in there and he can and will not ever leave her. Not that he's thinking of leaving her. That thought has never crossed his mind. She was his Meredith and if someone looked at her the wrong way, he will threaten them. Which sounds cheesy and stupid and clingy and every other synonyms for those words but it's what he would do. He would never tell Meredith that because she would break up with him right there.

"Uhm, Derek?" Meredith interrupted his thoughts. Her voice sounded sad and confused. He looked up immediately and saw the sadness in her eyes.

"What's wrong Mer?" He asked.

"There's nothing wrong I'm fine... sort of," she started wringing her wrists.

"Sort of?" Derek came closer to her but kept his voice calm, "Does something hurt?"

"No! No, no nothing hurts. I'm fine," she shook her head.

"Then?" He asked, his hand resting on her shoulders.

"Do you want kids?" She asked out if the blue.

"Oh, uhm yeah, I mean... eventually... yeah," his hands were now crossed across his chest, "Why do you ask?" He asked a bit worried now.

"I uhm, I went to my gynaecologist this week and uhm," she swallowed hard, "I went to her because my period was late."

"Mer," he breathed, "You're... are you... are you pregnant?" There was a shock of fear plastered on his face for a second but then relaxed with the tiniest sparkle in his eyes. He didn't want kids yet. Their relationship was still a little unstable and they weren't even married yet. But as he thought about what it meant. He wouldn't be having this baby with anyone, he'd be having it with Meredith.

"That's the thing," she choked, "I can't... have kids. With the injuries that I suffered... there's 1% chance that I'd be able to carry that baby to term. And if I do it might not even be healthy," she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Oh, Mer," he pulled her into a hug.

"She said my uterus was hostile," she cried into his chest, "How am I supposed to do anything if my body can't do the one thing it's supposed to."

"Mer, there are so many women out there who aren't able to have a baby but Mer there are other options," he pulled her away from his chest and wiped away her tears and rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Yeah, like what," she said her voice still shaky.

"You can do IVF that can increase your chances," he tilted his head.

"She did mention we can try that but Derek that's me being all hormonal for weeks."

"I don't care. I can take hormonal Meredith, I do it every month," he chuckled.

"Ass," she hit his arm trying not to smile.

"I know, I'm sorry," he pulled her into a hug again.

"What if the IVF doesn't work?" She mumbled.

"There's adoption," he stroked her hair.

"Would you love her or he the same," she pulled back but not leaving his arms.

"Of course I would. Her or he would be my child and most importantly I'd be sharing them with you," he smiled and placed a hand on her cheeks.

"They're not toys Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes playfully, "You can't share them."

"Only you can ruin a good moment," he laughed, placing a kiss on her lips. Meredith smiled against his lips and rested her head against his chest again.

"Do you feel better?" He asked.

"Yes, thank you," she squeezed him tight.

"Don't worry about it Mer. We will figure something out. And if kids don't happen for us, I'll love you all the same," he squeezed her tighter.

"I love you," she whispered.

"And I you," he said.

Meredith's uterus was hostile. This was all not what he expected this conversation to be. He had expected her nightmares coming back more often. Or her having ptsd. Instead she was worried she won't be able to carry kids. Which was the most normal worry she had in ages.

He expected to have this big conversation about having a child. He never expected Meredith to want to be a mother. She'd be... she will be a great mother, he never had doubt in that. But she never showed any signs of wanting to be a mother.

Right now he couldn't stop smirking. Glancing at her every so often. He felt at peace. Everything was finally going the right way for them. And the positive side of all this is that Meredith is not freaking out. If he would've brought the baby topic up a few months ago she'd be running for the hills. And now not only has she brought the topic but she was worried he'll hate her if it wasn't their baby.

She was it for him. He knows it. He knew it for a long time. But right now he was sure. He was one hundred precent sure Meredith Grey was going to become his future wife. It was matter of right timing till it becomes official.