The Way It Ends

36. Don't do this

Derek woke up abruptly to the sound of his pager going off. He got up grunting and left the room, grabbing his scrub top in the process.

"The scans are up Dr Shepherd," Alex told him as he joined him in the room. "What do you see Karev?" He asked crossing his arm trying to teach but his mind was somewhere totally different.
"He's freaking lucky," he chuckled as he continued, "He tore his dura," he pointed at the screen. "Mmm yeah that's right," Derek said quickly, leaving the room fast, "Book an OR stat and page me when you're done. Oh and call psych I think this might've been a suicide attempt," he ordered him and went back into an on call room. The minute he closed the door he threw his shirt off and dropped on the bed. He was physically and mentally drained from yesterday and this morning. So many things were on his mind right now. Starting from Meredith to the things he has to do today. He laid there with his eyes closed trying to take a short nap before he has his hands in a mans brain. But sleep just didn't come to him. He closed his eyes and a vivid picture of Meredith was seen before him as her words could be heard as an echo:

"When I'm around you I just feel suffocated."

"You're like this burden."

"You're like this bad drug that just won't stop killing people from the inside."

"I have to get away from you because whenever I'm near you I just get hurt, I get clobbered."

He sat back up on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. He had his fingers interlocked as he laid his head on his hand, gently hitting his forehead and thinking how he could be less of a trouble for Meredith. They're working at the same hospital, eventually they're going to cross paths. He stood up and brushed his hands through his soft hair that was already messed up which didn't happen very often. Even on his bad days, his hair was always perfect. But the constant pulling and tugging that he has been doing lately wasn't helping his hair. He realised he left his bag in the on call room as it sat on the chair right where he left it last time. He went over and grabbed the files out of it and placed it over the bed. Sitting down he started reading through it. Everything was in there. Every little details of Finn's family and Allion's family and whoever worked for them. They weren't huge families. All very small. Except for Allison's, that had huge list of names. Derek was even in it. He flipped through pages when all of a sudden it hit him. "Allison," he whispered, lifting his hand up looking like a lightbulb just lit up in his brain. "I've got to talk to Allison," he packed everything up and headed out when he realised he still has surgery to do. Her ran to the attending lounge and and hid his bag, hoping no one will go through it right as he was paged to the OR. He ran down to OR 2 and started scrubbing. Mr Linden was already laying on the bed being put to sleep and Alex came through the doors scrubbing in right beside Derek. "Are you alright Dr Shepherd?" He asked as he saw he wasn't his usually perky self all day. Derek nodded lightly and looked back down into the sink. The both of them finished scrubbing and walked into the OR to be greeted by nurses who gowned them and helped them put on their gloves. Derek stood over the patient and took a deep breath, "All right everybody, it's a beautiful day to save life's let's have some fun!" He faked a smile under his mask trying to give himself hope that he lost couple of months ago.

— (it's the next day)

Meredith woke up the next morning, her head resting on Tom's chest as she rubbed her eyes adjusting to the lights that came through the blinds. She squinted her eyes looking out the window and turned to her side moving her head to his shoulders and resting her hand on his chest. She drew circles on it when she swung her head up to see who's she laying on as she thought it was Derek. She sighed in sort of a disappointment and snuggled back into his chest. "Hey," she heard that familiar raspy morning voice.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" She laid her chin on his chest.
"No not at all. How are you feeling?" He rubbed her back in circles with his hand and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I feel like crap," she laid back down. "I need to go to work to get my mind off of things," she said standing up and going into the bathroom. Tom following her. "Are you sure? I think you should take a few days off," he crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. "I've taken so many days off. I'm falling behind and I don't want to get fired. Surgery is the only thing that keeps me happy these days," she glanced at him then looked back down at her toothbrush placing a streak of toothpaste on it.
"Hey!" He joked acting offended. Meredith rolled her eyes and tilted her head looking back at him, "And you of course," she giggled and started brushing her teeth. Tom walked up behind her and wrapped his hands across her waist and kissed her neck. Meredith laid her head back as she continued brushing her teeth. "I'm glad that you're back," he said enjoying the smell of her hair. "I never left," she turned around confused and leaned back on the counter. "I know it's just... technically... you know what never mind," he smiled and pulled her closer to his torso. He didn't want to tell her he took her to Derek because he thought they broke because of her bad dream. She turned around a little bit and spit the toothpaste into the sink and turned back continuing to brush her teeth. "I'll make you breakfast," Tom offered her.
"Oh that's not necessary," she felt nauseated at the mention of food. "I'll grab a granola bar on my way out. I can't be late for work," she spit the toothpaste out again and rinsed her mouth. "You have to have something proper to eat or at least let me make you a smoothie," he tried to remember what Derek said: "And make her eat. She'll refuse it at first but just don't stop until she agrees."
"Tom I don't have time to argue," she tried push his hands off her waist, "I have to take a shower and then rush to work. I'm already running late," she looked at her non-existing watch on her wrist.
"I won't let go until you agree," he stood his ground. Meredith gave up fighting him and agreed. He smiled from ear to ear and kissed her on the cheeks before letting her take a shower.