Salmon

20: Sorry

20: Sorry

   Idge woke up with a loud noise from her sister. She couldn't remember anything that night, but when she saw her sister tearing up on her side, memories flowed inside her. Salmon, with blood. Her with excruciating pain on her wrist.

   "A— ah!"

   "I— Idge!"

   Idge closed her eyes while trying to clutch her head with her hands. She was trying to push the images flashing in her mind, but they wouldn't budge.

   "S— Si Salmon, Ate?"

   Her eyes were closed, but she could hear her sister's gasp from her side which made her worry. However, she couldn't focus her attention on one thing as the images seemed to eat her up.

   "Idge, stop it!"

   Tears were continously flowing from her eyes to her cheeks while Ingrid was stopping her hands from slapping herself. She couldn't think of any idea on how to stop those images, but to hurt her head.

   "S— stop them!" Idge cried.

   She felt her sister hugged her from the side, still holding her hand. They were both crying, but Idge seemed not to care about her sister. Her thoughts were only on the blood scattered on the ground, and the knife that was continously burying on Salmon's chest.

   "Salmon's fine..."

   Iyon lang ang nakapaghinto kay Idge sa pagwawala na mukhang ikinahinga ni Ingrid nang maluwag. Natulala sa kawalan si Idge, hindi malaman ang gagawin. Gusto niyang makita si Salmon, pero natatakot siya sa magiging reaksyon ng pamilya at kaibigan nito.

   She felt like everything she was about to fix, couldn't be fix anymore because of what happened. Hindi man sabihin ng Ate niya, alam niyang kasalanan niya ang nangyaring iyon.

   "What... what about Trisha? Dave? Anong sabi nila?" kinakabahang tanong ni Idge.

   Despite knowing their reactions, she was still hoping they wouldn't abhor her.

   She's... she's their friend, right?

   However, she would be kidding if she wasn't anticipating violent reactions. She could already feel Trisha's dagger eyes, Alicia's shouts, and Dave and Reiner's cold approach to her, and it's terrifying her.
  
   "I haven't talk to them yet."

   Hindi na lamang sumagot si Idge nang mapansin niyang umiwas ng tingin ang kapatid. Napaigik siya nang maramdamang sumakit ang palapulsohan. Doon niya lang napansin ang puting nakabalot doon. Suminghap siya at pumingkit nang maalala na naman ang nangyari nang araw na iyon.

   She didn't believe her sister when she said Salmon's fine, but she had to give her a benefit of the doubt. What if, Salmon's really fine? Iyon na lamang ang nasa isip niya.

   They hadn't even had the chance to talk, for heavens sake!

   Sa pag-iisip ng kung ano-ano, hindi niya namalayang nakatulog siya at nagising dahil sa ingay sa paligid. She opened her eyes, and let out a gasp when her face greeted someone's palm.

   ***

   Nanginginig akong natawa dahil sa mga naalala. Natatawa ako habang umiiyak at ramdam ko ang paghigpit ng hawak sa akin ni Kaiden. Gustong-gusto kong manakit, hindi ng ibang tao— kung hindi ang sarili ko. I couldn't believe I had nerve to ask for forgiveness when I did that?

   Sana hindi na lang si Salmon ang nawala.

   Hindi man lang kami nakapag-usap...

   Dumilat ako at naabutan si Kaiden na nakasandal sa kama ko habang nakatitig sa akin. Madilim sa kwarto, pero ang ilaw na nagmumula sa labas ay tinatamaan ang mukha niyang marahang nakatitig sa akin.