Salmon

21: Family

21: Family

   Isang araw pa lang na tulog si Kaiden, pero hindi ko na kinakaya. Gusto ko mang sumunod, at sumama para makita siya, natatakot ako sa pwedeng sabihin sa akin ng magulang niya. I knew I deserve every bad words the could throw, but I didn't think I was ready for that.

   Sumandal ako sa hindi kalayuang pader sa kwarto ni Kaiden. His parents were outside of his room kaya hindi ako makalapit. Dito lamang ako nakatambay, hindi iniinda ang sakit ng binti sa kata-tayo. This was nothing compared to Kaiden's situation.

   "Pwede ka naman doon," si Ate.

   Umiling ako. "My guilt couldn't face them, Ate," paos kong sagot.

   Bumuntong hininga na lang ang kapatid ko at akmang magsasalita pero pinigilan ko na siya. I knew she would say it was not mmy fault, pero palagi na lang ba?

   "Doon ka na," pagpaalis ko sa kaniya.

   Nang makaalis si Ate ay padaskol akong sumandal sa pader, hindi na intindi ang mga taong palingon-lingon sa direksyon ko. Wala akong magawa kung hindi pumikit na lang dahil pagod na masyado ang mata ko. I wanted to go there, and feel his warmth, to be there for him the way he was there for me— pero hindi ko pa kaya. Nasa isip ko lang ay ako ang dahilan kung bakit nagkagulo ang pamilya nila.

   Pasalamat na lang nga ako dahil mabait pa sa akin si Kuya Nate.

   What's happening right now was just like when Salmon was hospitalized, except from the facts that I had the guts to visit him before. Nakatatawa pero dapat ay inasahan ko na. His parent's rage wasn't out of place that day, his parent's rage was directly to me. Their curses, their glares, the way his mother's tried to control herself from hurting me— it's all coming back.

   "Dapat hindi ka na lang nakilala ng anak ko!" Salmon's mother shouted. "Unang pakilala pa lang sa'yo ng anak ko ay hindi na kita gusto! Lalo mo lang pinatunayan na dapat lang sa'yo ang pagtrato ko!"

   I remembered Trisha's emotionless eyes staring at me. She was just leaning on the wall— they, actually. Alicia, Reiner, and Dave were also there. They were all waiting for him to wake up, gusto ko rin sana pero ayokong ako pa ang maging dahilan para atakihin ang Mama niya kaya luhaan na lang akong umalis.

   I really thought he woke up.

   Pinaglalaruan lang pala ako ng utak ko sa mga nakikita ko.

   Ngayon ay nuullit na naman. Gustong-gusto kong saktan ang sarili— bakit kasi ako pa ang ayos? Bakit hindi na lang ako ang nakaratay?

   "Hello!"

   My eyes were still heavy, but I tried to open them when someone spoke. It was a young lady. She was smaller than I, but her beauty was familiar. Her chocolate hair reached her shoulders. Her eyes were as chinky as someone I knew, her nose was pointed, and her red Cupid's bow lips was pursing.

    My eyes grew wider when it hit me.

    She—

   "In case you don't know, I'm Kia Natalie Villejo." Her voice was as soft as her features. She looked like she couldn't even hurt a fly. "Just call me Natalie."

   I could've answered her I knew, but my mind was elsewhere.

    "Hey?" she urged.

   I blinked a few times, and cleared the lump on my throat. I didn't want to admit, but I was nervous.

   How did she find me? How did she know about me?

   "I'm sorry..." was the first thing that came out from my mouth.

   Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan kaya naman tumitig lamang ako sa kaniya. I almost cried when her forehead creased, she even tilted her head, and stare at me— they had the same eyes.