Stonewall prep (A Brett fanfic)

Constellations

You couldn't seem to focus. Every time you tried there was always something wrong, it was too dark or too bright, your chair was creaking too much or it was too loud and somehow too quiet. The room itself felt suffocating like the room was being pressurized and someone was just waiting for Willow to pop. You felt like you were being swallowed up by the floor, drowning in your own thought but before you could someone knocked on your door. "Hey Willow, you left your stuff in the library, can I come in?" It was Brett. Your stomach dropped and your palms got sweaty, it felt like your legs were made of led and your knees were made of Jello. Willow stood up and answered the door, plastering a fakely sweet smile on and hoping to god he didn't notice. 

"Hey", He kissed you on the forehead and walked past you before placing your things on the bed. "I looked for you last night but you weren't in your dorm or in the library." "Oh, well I went out to get some dinner." "You left your stuff behind." "Yeah, I was kinda loopy and out of it." That's pretty dangerous, I could've driven you if you had asked." "Well, I didn't wanna wake you up." "I'm always here if you need anything Willow I promise." "Thanks, Brett." After a moment of awkward silence, he scratched his neck and mumbled, " Well Im gonna go, I've got some homework to get done." "Okay." He leaned in and kissed you softly, you kissed back. After a moment the two of you pulled away for some air, "did you get new chapstick?" "Huh ", You looked up at him. "You taste like Cherry or Maybe Strawberries?" "Uh, yeah Veronica gave it to me." He, nodded before walking out he said, "I like it." As you closed the door behind him you softy muttered to yourself, "I do too."

You had tried to wash the smell of her out of your sheets and your mouth, but no matter how much you tried that sickeningly sweet berry scent seemed to fuse into everything. Your clothes, your carpet, your bed, in the middle of your spiraling thoughts someone knocked. Instead of waiting for you to open the door, they let themselves in.  "You know that defeated the whole point of knocking." "I know but considering everything I thought you wouldn't have minded if I dropped by." Your head shot up and there she was. "Hello Willow, it's good to see you." You stared at her, her eyes the sea of golden honey that were her eyes. "Donna", You hated how that was the only thing you were able to say. "I think I left my wallet over here last night." "Um you can look if you want, I don't know where it would be." She just nodded her head before proceeding to look throughout your room for her wallet. You just stared at her laptop screen, you couldn't bring yourself to type, you just stared. "You know", Donna spoke, "I wouldn't mind if this became a regular thing between me and you." Your voice went dry, you didn't want this to become a regular thing she didn't want to hurt Brett or Donna. She wanted to say that she regretted it but that was a lie she, regretted parts of it. She shouldn't have been the one to kiss first.  Donna's fingertips ghosted over Willows collarbones and it felt like someone had set her skin on fire just as it did last night. Everywhere Donna touched made her feel like electricity was running through her veins. Willow stood straight up cause Donna to jump back. "Sorry I wasn't trying to overstep." "I don't want this to become a regular thing, Donna." "Really because if that were true, you would've kicked me out by now. " You just looked at her, she wasn't necessarily wrong, you probably shouldn't have let her come in. She just looked at you,  and you couldn't think, but luckily she took advantage of the silence, "You did enjoy it didn't you or were you lying this morning?"

Your mind wandered to this morning when the sunlight illuminated her skin and you could see the little freckles that graced her collar bones like small constellations. You had let her stay over because the two of you were both exhausted and as much as you wanted to deny it you enjoyed her warmth and the comfort that it brought. You liked the way she mumbled in her sleep. She liked everything about last night you know minus the fact that she was cheating on her current boyfriend who she genuinely thought she loved. She loved him. Huh, she had never thought about it like that, that the moments they shared were moments of true emotional significance. That regardless of how screwed up the both of them were they had found each other significance, they had made peace within each other. He was her constellation in the suffocating silence and the moments that she shared with Donna were only reminders of the silent beauty that he made the people around him radiate.

And yet some part of her, some twisted part of her wanted to do it again. Wanted to see how far she could push it before it broke. The thing with writing it she had spent so many years writing characters with motivation, with purpose. The thing is real people, ones that you don't create in the empty void of your own head are greedy, and broken and don't deserve the redemption or the credit they receive. They deserve to watch the world burn ad end up being the ones holding the match.

So Willow had the choice of putting out the fire by stomping on the first chance it had to grow or picking up some lighter fluid, drowning out every sense of moral right there was and allowing herself to become part of the overwhelming noise.

A/N: what do you guys think? Also I'm moving my updating schedule around and I will now post on every Friday. Also I recently got Tumblr and I will be doing a Q & A in honor of hitting 5k. If you would also like to comment or message me your questions here feel free. Please stay hydrated, wear a mask and have a good day/night