MCYT oneshots (requests open!)

cut it cut it all you whore (tubbo and schlatt)

(hey commie you wanted this and this is kind of a crack shot because honestly, my mental capacity is so fuckin low have you met algebra)

3rd Person POV

"Come on, sit down already! Sit down!" Tubbo whined, tugging at his dad's sleeve. Schlatt adjusted his tie, sighing. Maybe he could take a little break from work.

He plops down in the chair, and Tubbo immediately starts to dig in the nearby drawers. Starting to regret his decision when he sees all the hair products, the businessman tries to escape from his child.

Clearing his throat, Schlatt started, "You know, Tubbo... I am really busy..." but trailed off when the kid's disappointed face reached his eyes. Tubbo's face melted into a frown, and tears started to gloss his eyes.

"No, no, please, kid!" Schlatt begged, "Not the sad eyes!"

Tubbo sniffed, wiping his eyes with the scissors in hand, making Schlatt's eyes go as wide as saucers, "I'm sorry dadda... I ju-just wa-wanted to spen-d ti-me with yo-ou!" Tubbo starts to wail and his sentences get choppy. Schlatt panics and tries to pacify the crying boy.

"Ok, let's do this, then! Do whatever you want to my hair, we have all the time in the world!" the ram-hybrid soothes his child, stroking his hair gently.

Cheering, the younger brunette gets to work right away. He pokes and prods as the older's hair, although careful of his horns, styling and shaping it however he wanted. After a few minutes of uncomfortable shifting, Schlatt began to find his son's movements relaxing. Now he knows why his friend Technoblade doesn't complain whenever his little brothers mess with his hair.

Once he's finished, the child taps his father a few times before making him stand up.

"Let's go show everyone!" Tubbo excites, ready to boast about how good he made his dad look. 

"Can I at least look at myself first?" Schlatt asks, to which Tubbo screamed a 'no' in reply while shaking his head violently.

Leading his father out of their little home, Tubbo marched to the central part of L'Manburg, where everyone was messing around. As expected, everyone was there, so Tubbo clapped his hands loudly.

"Everyone!" Tubbo started, shouting to gain everyone's attention, "Look at how cool I made dadda look!" Schlatt shyly appears from behind Tubbo and braces himself for the reactions. 

Silence is followed until Niki gently said to Eret, "It can grow back...?"

Catching what the girl said, Schlatt whipped his head in their direction, "Excuse me?"

"Uh... you... you don't know what you look like?" Eret mused, a smile cracking onto her face.

"No, Tubbo didn't let me look in the mirror," Schlatt reasoned, starting to fidget.

"For good reason," Jack snorted.

"I heard that, Manifold!" Schlatt yelled, annoyed. The one in question chuckled awkwardly before shooting finger guns at the dad and son.

Fundy looked to Wilbur and asked, "Hey, Dad, can I do that to you?" Wilbur stared at his 13-year-old child before yelling at him about respect for the living and how long being that beautiful takes. The older ram-hybrid stares at all the gatherers, before deciding to ask Techno. He doesn't lie.

"Tech, how bad is it?" Schlatt asks, a hand rubbing his forehead in distress.

"It's pretty bad," Techno deduces, adding on a hearty laugh.

"God, do I need a beanie like Wilbur?"

"I say just shave it all off." Techno supplies, to which Schlatt cries out.

"What do you mean?! It can't be so bad that I have to shave it all off!"

"Yeah, and Dream isn't homeless. Get a haircut, dude."

"This isn't going to be good at all for my enterprise," Schlatt complained.

"Yeah, yeah," Techno waved off before heading towards Phil.

Tubbo is still standing there, and an innocent gleam in his auburn eyes. Schlatt sighs, knowing he can't be mad at the kid for longer than a minute, which to remind everyone, has already passed.

"So, everyone thought it was great, right?" Tubbo asks, but he already knows the answer is of course.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, kid, they didn't like it much. I'm gonna have to get a haircut now." Schlatt says brutally. He may not be able to stay mad at the kid, but he can still have that crushing honestly like always.

"Wh- What?" Tubbo's eyes are already going to the waterworks, "Did I do something wrong?"

"Eh..." Schlatt avoided the question, diverting his eyes to his newfound interest in grass blocks.

"I messed up, huh?" Tubbo sniffs, wiping his nose messily, "In that case, I'll just have to get a haircut with you!"

Schlatt's growing worry melts into heartwarming care as he picks up Tubbo and twirls him around in the air. The unexpected turn in Tubbo's mood boosted Schlatt's entire day.

"We'll get matching haircuts, alright?" Schlatt asks rhetorically, spinning the younger boy around in glee.

"Yeah, but I don't want your ugly beard!"

Schlatt nearly drops the child.

"Wh- What did you just say about my beard?" Schlatt asks as he stops twirling the boy, and his eyes darken.

"Uh..." Tubbo laughs awkwardly.

"..." Schlatt breathes silently, making Tubbo nearly piss his pants from fear.

"Today," Schlatt started, "We coded it so that my child either becomes an orphan, or his dad becomes a parent-widow. Manhunt."

And so, the games began.

(what a lovely twist huh <333)