Unattainable

Chapter 30 Ladders

FLASHBACK OVER
SHAWNS POV

The cold damp air moistened my cheeks and dampened my lips as I let the breeze lick my wounds as I plodded along the road towards home.

Home means "where the heart is" but my heart was somewhere else.

I kept letting my mind wander to the question that I had been trying to push to the back of my head where the pain was throbbing: Astrid or Tasha?

What I had with Astrid might be seen as a repeat of summer to some but to me, it was new and different. I was feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time, and that was hope. I don't know maybe it was because of what had been happening at home and she was my two day escape, or maybe it was real.

"Ouch!" I stumbled over a crack in the pavement and my knee gave way and I was on the ground. I grimaced in pain and clutched my bruised elbow as the pavement soaked through my jeans and kissed my bones.

The ache in my body reminded me of the bigger issue at hand: Daemon.

I ran my hand through my hair as I stood as clenched my eyes shut trying to disappear from whatever this now was.

Monday was coming and I would have to face him and everyone else not as "Shawn the follower of Daemon; willing to do anything and everything asked of him" but as "Shawn the kid who is dating the loser and got beaten up."

She's not a loser. She's the best thing that's happened to me in awhile.

My house drew closer as the street lights above flickered off and the pounding in my head went numb. The truck was in the driveway which meant dad was home.

"Just what I need."

I trudged up the driveway to the unlit porch, only slightly illuminated by a burning smoke in the ash tray. Fresh.

He had been up and out in the past five minutes which meant he was more than likely waiting up inside.

There was one option and that was climbing through my bedroom window. I backed off the porch and made my way around the bushes to the side gate and quietly unattached it, slipping thorough and shutting it behind me.

I let my hands find the house wall and lead me to wear I had the ladder hidden and propped against the wall going up to my window. This had been my exit and entrance route many times these last years.

"Here it goes."

I placed one foot in front of the other on the cold metal, letting my arms help me pull my lower aching body up towards the sky. If only the ladder didn't stop at the window and could take me up and away from here. But it wouldn't and I had to focus on getting inside without getting caught.

I was about two steps away from the window when my bedroom light flickered on. I froze.

"Manny," Mom. "Please he was out with Astrid they might have just gotten stuck somewhere you don't have to do this."

"Does it look like I care why he's late? It's the fact that he is out!" He slurred.

"That makes no sense c'mon lets just go back to bed, we are going to wake Aaliyah."

"Shut up!"

Silence, broken by a stifled sob.

"Emanuel," I heard her whisper pleadingly. "Please."

My bed creaked as I hear someone sit on it.

"I'm waiting here until he gets back."

I held my breath hoping she might drag him out of the room and I could just crawl in and disappear beneath the sheets and hide from him but she didn't. She just walked out and shut the door behind her.

I felt my fingers starting to ache from the cold and knew my inky choice was to go in.

I took a deep breathe, said a prayer and slid the window open.

My eyes met his. Cold, menacing and deadly.

"Where have you been." Was all he said as he kept his eyes on me. He didn't even notice the bruises appearing on my face. He was going to put more there I just knew it.

"Dad..I-"

"Where have you been!" He screamed standing up from the bed and hauling me carelessly through the window as I stumbled at his feet.

"Dad, please!"

"Were you with Daemon again doing what caused this whole mess! Were you out wrecking our family again, making the mess you always seem to cause because you don't think of anyone but yourself?!" He was yelling it now and I was doing everything in my power to keep myself from screaming back at him.

"I was taking Astrid home," I backed away and slowly stood, "we just got delayed."

"Why, are you planning on wrecking her life too?!"

"No, no I was just making sure she got home okay?"

"Do her parents know what a waste you are. You worthless piece of-"

And he brought his hands on me and hit.

Over and over and my voice left me like the feeling left my body.

"Manny!" I heard mom scream. I was on the floor and he was supporting himself with the wall. Aaliyah was beside her with her hand over her mouth and I've never seen so much fear in someone's eyes.

"You," I heard mom say, "get out of this house. Right now."

"Karen," dad's voice was breaking. "Do not-"

I watched her pull the phone out from behind her. "I will call the police and they will remove you by force if they have to. I'm letting you go easily, so go."

And I think the moment he turned around and saw me on the floor with blood in my mouth, I think that is the moment he went sober because I've never seen my dad cry before. But there, in front of us all he fell apart for the first time.

I tried to stand and take Aaliyah in my arms but I couldn't muster up the strength so I just lay there watching my family fall apart like my body was.

Home: where the heart is.

What heart? There's nothing here but brokenness.

Nothing.

And it all went black.