Unattainable

Chapter 23 Back On Queen

FLASHBACK SHAWNS POV

I stood on the platform waiting for the train to come. I had my luggage next to me and Aaliyah was sitting on her mismatched pile of bags as we waited.

I glanced at my phone and I knew what I was waiting for.

She can't text, me. It would hurt her too much.

But it didn't hurt too much I mean it shouldn't have because I promised her I would wait.

I will.

"Shawn," Aaliyah interrupted the hurt for a moment. "When is the train coming?"

I shrugged my sleeve back and looked at my watch.

"It should be here in about five minutes." I reached for her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"It'll be okay."

"Promise?"

How many of these can I keep?

"Promise, you've always got me." I ruffled her hair attempting to bring a smile to her face.

Aaliyah was always the one who was putting a smile on my face but today a cloud hung over her and I could tell she was scared to go back home. She was just getting to the point where she could understand what was really happening to our family.

Bull.

We stood hand in hand on the platform as the tracks began to rattle beneath us shaking us rattling us inside.

Her small hand stiffened in mine as the cars approached.

"We can do it." She encouraged as the train slowed past us.

All I wanted to do was take her away from here so we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. Just to get away from it all would be ideal but that wasn't possible.

The last car stopped in from of us as I gathered her bags in my arms and the doors opened. We stepped on and I let Aaliyah lead me to a window seat on the top part of the car. We stumbled up the narrow stairs and slouched into the seats as I shoved the bags underneath her feet that couldn't quite touch the floor.

It broke my heart to watch her visibly suffering as the train buzzed and slowly started pulling out of the station on Queen Street. Aaliyah rested her head on the window as my phone started buzzing.

Tasha.

I answered hesitantly.

"Hey, we just pulled out-"

"Shawn, look out the window."

I felt myself bolting out of the seat and swinging down the stairs to the door that faced the platform.

I pressed my hand against the door to steady myself as I was greeted by Tasha standing on the end with a large sign.

I read it and felt myself choking on the hurt that was suddenly threatening to spill out from inside.

Bottle it up and save it for later.

I felt myself hunch over as the train started speeding up and I had to grab the rail to steady myself so I could get back to Aaliyah.

I pulled myself up the stairs slowly as the train took a turn and I was slammed against the wall. I couldn't stand up.

It hurt too much.

I let my arm be crushed into the walls as I kept trying to pull a myself up to Aaliyah.

"Shawn!" I felt Aaliyah's hand grab my arm pulling my up the last step.

"I'm fine really." I sat down in the seat across from her against the window.

"You're not," she paused a minute as she slumped down. "But I know you won't admit it."

There's some things better left unsaid.

The train picked up speed as I ran my hands through my hair. Aaliyah rested her head again only this time a tear slid down her cheeks.

My heart wasn't breaking for me anymore it was breaking for her and Tasha and my parents and everyone around me because it's selfish to hurt.

The only way to stop hurting is to stop caring.

And in that moment, I decided to stop caring.