Unattainable

Chapter 6 Inside

"There's not much to tell."

Shawn pulled his arm off of my shoulders and swung his legs back up on the roof and sat cross legged facing me.

"I doubt that."

I kept my eyes on the road below and the small group of people arriving down below.

"Why not we join them, it's getting a little cold up here-"

Shawn grabbed my arm and gently turned me towards him.

"Not until you tell me about yourself."

"But shawn-"

"No buts ma'am, you already know more about me than you should."

"Like the fact that you're not a moronic clone?" I rolled my eyes as our gazes met.

"Like that fact that I'm vulnerable."

It was quiet with only the sound of rustling leaves dancing on the ground below narrating the silence.

I could either keep the walls up or let someone who seemed to care peek through for only a night. Letting my guard down was what tonight was about right?

"You're not the only one who's vulnerable."

He smiled as I mimicked his seating position and leaned my head into by hands.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I said, "with you of all people."

"I don't want to force you to.."

"No it's okay I just-"

"Don't trust me."

"I have trust issues, especially with strangers."

He seemed to stiffen at the word strangers.

"No don't call me that, we aren't strangers anymore."

"Acquaintances?"

"Friends." He stuck out his hand.

I smiled and shook it whole heartedly.

"If you insist," I laughed, "how about we play get-to-know-Astrid some other time?"

He let go of my hand. "I would like that."

Easier than I thought. "Good."

"Good."

Again the silence.

"But know," he interrupted, "you can always talk to me. I know how to keep my mouth shut you know."

"I'll have to take you up on that."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and tapped into his contacts.

"Well let's make sure it's possible then." He passed the phone to me.

"You want my number?"

"Well," he winked "friends CAN text can't they?"

I shrugged as I typed in my digits. "I guess I could make time for you..."

"Easy there missy!"

We laughed together as a dark truck pulled up in front of the dark driveway. It parked as we took back to our original perch. Two guys and girls jumped out and made there way to the trunk, pulling at a tarp and unveiling cases of beer. They eschew grabbed two and made their way up the driveway towards the now blaring music, laughing all the way.

"Looks like the party has arrived." I noted.

I looked over to see shawn staring blank faced at the group.

"You alright?" I rested my hand on his shoulder.

He startled and sat up. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you know them?"

"What they're bringing yes," the alcohol, "them; not at all."

Did he have a drinking problem at sixteen years old? Impossible.

"Want to sit awhile?" He asked snapping out of his daze. He was avoiding going into the house.

"Sure," I wasn't in any hurry to join the drunken festivities. "What do you want to do?"

He shifted close to me and reached into my pocket where I was hiding my hands from the cold and pulled out my left hand, intertwining his fingers with me, releasing a warmth unattainable by mere garments.

"Is it okay if we just sit, enjoy the sober realness of now?"

I nodded at him, catching a glimpse of what looked like insecure fear in the corner of his wide eyes.

"Of course."

And in that moment I knew that as soon as we went inside, Shawn was determined to loose himself.

But why did he want to leave reality so desperately?