Unattainable

Chapter 13 Messages

I slouched against the wall and put my hands on my heart.
It was beating a mile a minute and I'm not sure it's because of what Shawn did to me internally, or the fact that I now had to make it past my parents without waking them and convincing then that I HADNT just spent a night in the arms of boy they didn't even know.
I mustered up my courage and I slowly made my way to the stairs, pulling myself up quietly with the support of the creaking banister. I didn't want to wake my patents, heck, I had no choice.
I inched down the hall, past my brothers room and slid quietly past the master suite. If my parents woke up....
I shut out those thoughts as I continued to the end of the hall and opened my door. I shut it quietly as I kicked off my shoes, then made my way to the bed. I pulled the covers back quietly and let myself be enveloped by them as I pulled out my phone.
There was a message.
"I can't stop thinking about how lucky I am to have enjoyed your company tonight. That fact that this is happening makes me realize that there are still good things out there waiting for me, and tonight made me realize that I didn't have to give up just yet. I can't now, not ever, because I've found something that makes me aspire to live; and she's found me too."
Shawn.
I felt my eyes brimming with tears although I'm not sure why. It was beautiful, no reason to cry, but it was the way he had said he'd 'found something that makes me aspire to live' that made my stomach churn.
Was something wrong with him? He seemed to have it all together but then again, those who cannot teach.
I pushed the thoughts and text away for a moment as I quickly messages Taryn that I was home now and didn't need a cover. I would just say I got home late from get house is all. Sure id be in trouble, but I would live.
The message sent and I went back to Shawn's, and I started typing as my eye lids became burdens to hold.
"Thank you for tonight, I really needed to live you know, like ACTUALLY love for once? I'm so used to hiding behind the person everyone makes me out to be, that sometimes I forget who I really am but tonight, I got to be her for once. And quite frankly I'm happy it's you who got to meet..and find her."
I sent it before I could think twice. Moments later my screen lit up.
"No matter what you think about the both of yous, I like you both very much."
My heart fluttered.
"Is that right now, Mendes? ;)"
"Yes, so much in fact that I'm actually going through Astrid-separation anxiety. I miss your hands in mine, your arms around me, and your lips against my mouth."
I hesitated a moment as I felt myself fall another hundred feet for this boy. He had me under an inescapable enchantment that I knew was going to posses my smile for a long time.
"I miss you too. Gosh we sound ridiculous we've only just met.."
I felt myself putting the walls back up slowly- but not without a fight.
"Do you believe in fate, destiny...happy endings?"
Well he sure changed the subject.
"I guess so why?"
"Well if you believe then I need you to believe this: You and me, right now? At the moment this is fate, this is how it's meant to be because not only have we winded up in each other's classes, lives, arms, emotions, we are in each other's minds and hearts now because for as long as I live, when someone says 'passion' I'll forever associate that word with the kiss I gave to Astrid Livingstone on September 15, 2014. So don't you see? This is our moment this is our now and we are living it together wether you like it or not. So accept it and let me take down the walls you just put up. Please?"
Do you ever have those moments where it all seems perfect and nothing harmful can touch you because you're not actually existing as a person who's heart can be broken rather an immortal lover?
That moment that just passed. That was one of THOSE moments.
"I'm so lame, I can't match your incredible text wooing skills there Shawn but I can give you the 'okay' to get to know me. The me you kissed tonight, the me that sat up on a roof and got tipsy with you. You've already stolen a pieces of my heart so in giving you all of me to discover because no one-no one makes me aspire to live like you do."
He read the message and took a moment to respond.
"Do I have your permission to discover more of Astrid Livingstone tomorrow?"
"Of course, and we can finish discovering who the most misjudged person is too because we still have to finish that project."
"Crap..I forgot about that...well time spent doing school work in order to see you is time well spent."
I smiled to myself as I turned over in my bed.
"It's a date. Goodnight, Shawn. Thank you again...for everything."
*SHAWNS POV*
I rolled over in my bed as my screen lit up and I ready hearts captors message.
I felt the swarm of butterflies that had been unmoved for so long finally come back to my stomach as I grinned from ear to ear.
I felt absolutely giddy and moronic acting like this but I had no choice: She had won me over an I couldn't escape her mesmerizing enchantment any time soon.
I began to type until I heard a car door slam outside of window. I slipped out of bed and pulled the blinds out of the way to unveil a dark truck in the driveway: Dad.
I ducked away quickly and five into bed a the door slammed downstairs and a thudding of feet in the stairs matched the panicked beating of my heart.
He was home again.
I pulled out my phone and typed a quick response to Astrid, shut it off, and slipped deeper into the sheets letting them swallow me whole as I drifted off into an unsettling dream land that can only be described as my reality.
Remember to wake up; you see her tomorrow. She's worth facing him.
*ASTRIDS POV*
My screen lit up one last time before I surrendered my senses to the exhaustion.
"No, thank you. You're already getting me through more than you know. Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."
My eyes fell shut before I could even consider the meaning behind the text.