Unattainable

Chapter 24 Agreed

SHAWNS POV

Flashback Is Over

"...And at that point I was just thinking that I needed get out of town for a little while...Shawn are you even listening?"

Astrid's voice brought me back to the table we sat at at the Pickering Diner. I kept letting my mind wander down the 401 to Toronto and I need that to stop.

You need to stop thinking about her.

"I'm sorry yes I was..I mean for awhile but...I zoned out and-"

Astrid's face fell only slightly as she pushed a smile back onto her face. "It's okay it wasn't a very interesting story-"

"No please! I'd love to hear it tell me again," I sat up in my chair. "I'm listening."

She blushed and looked away from me. "I don't know if you remember but last night when we were on the roof, you told me you wanted to hear about me and who I was and all that, and I fell you now and you missed it all."

You're great at letting people down.

"I'm sorry I really am. I'm here now." I wasn't going to make the same mistake.

She just shook her head. "Where did you go?" She asked leaning forward curiously.

How does one tell someone that they were back in a time and place where the thought of them would have meant nothing and would have been extremely disappointing? You can't, therefore you don't.

"I was just thinking about our project and school and such."

She didn't buy it and I knew it in the way she looked into my eyes and made me feel uneasy. "Oh."

We had walked back from the beach hand in hand and as the rain came back to paint the earth again, we had run hand in hand down to the diner closest to the docks. We had come in soaked and laughing and it was all going well until we had ordered and the sing had come on the radio.

Our song.

And that was when Astrid started talking and her face faded into someone else's and her breath kissed my cheeks with different lips and her voice become another. That's when I had zoned out.

"I don't know about you, but I am really not feeling this whole go back to school on Monday deal." I groaned trying to change the subject as she stirred her drink, her face now her own in my eyes.

"Yeah, it does suck."

I could tell she was annoyed.

"Hey when Monday comes," I shifted in my seat as she slowly looked up at me. "What do we...?"

"Do?" She finished for me. "That's going to depend on who's around you isn't it?"

Oh boy.

"I mean, if it's Daemon what happens? Are we strangers? Are we just classmates again?" Her voice was slowly growing anxious and her eyes were alive, scanning my face for an answer.

"Astrid I don't know.." I honestly couldn't say because I didn't even know what we were. We had only met I mean really met. I had met her long ago though, in stolen glances across the room, through encounters in dreams, through words that I'd written that she would never know.

She was the reason I wanted to face the world some days because somehow and I can't even explain it, seeing someone who you know could understand you without having every exchanged a single word, is enough to pull you out of bed and into reality.

And even though I knew my heart was unattainable, I wanted to find it once again and give it fully to her. I had left it on the platform at Union Station, and I needed to get it back.

"You don't know?" She was now standing and she started to walk away. "Figure it out and get back to me on that okay?" She marched to the door and walked out into the drizzle.

I was falling in love with a girl who was growing to despise me. I can't let that happen.

I reached into my pocket for some cash and left it on the table as I ran out after her. She was halfway across the parking lot when I reached her.

"Astrid wait!" I reached for her arm and stopped her.

"No! You're not the only one with baggage, Shawn okay?! You're not the only one who doesn't know who they are what they're doing what tomorrow's going to look like and how it's going to all play out. No one does okay? I am risking the most valuable thing of mine when I'm around you: my heart and my head because those two things go hand in hand like we do. And if you can't figure out if it's worth the social status risk to be seen with me than it's not worth it. I've known you for a day, not even and already look at the confusion that we have to deal with! Being uncertainties it's...it's-"

I stepped forward and took her face in my hands as I felt the rain start to smooth across my cheeks.

"Beautiful," I finished. "Being uncertainties is beautiful. I know, I know you've got baggage and I am ready to help you carry it. I know there's a lot at risk with emotions but I am ready to tell people you're mine and I'm proud of it because I'm so undeserving of you and the inky thing I could ever be ashamed of when I'm with you....is me."

A boom of thunder bellowed above as her eyes met mine and I watched them fall shut as she kissed me. Passionately. This girl was the living definition of what it means to live passionately. To take each moment, kiss, look and embrace it as she did me.

So there we stood in a headlight lit lot with raindrops applauding us as the tapped the pavement around us as we moved slowly out of the open and into the alleyway between the diner and the warehouse next to it.

We stood in the dry as a hot mess on each other's lips and in each other's hearts as the mutual agreement to take Monday head on together was made through soft heated touches and whispered sweet nothings in the light of the street lamps.