Unattainable

Chapter 12 Puzzles

I walked hand in hand with Shawn in a peaceful silence through the neighborhood.

The silence was loud in a way that can only be understood when you can exist beside someone and be speaking volumes to one another without exchanging a single word.

The street lights cast light shadows alongside us, walking with us down the road and all the way back past the school. Our hands were still intertwined as I led Shawn down a corner street onto my road.

"Your stuff." He broke the silence, "Its still at my house."

I looked at him in the shadows of the early morning.

"I guess I'll just have to come by tomorrow."

He smiled back at me. "I guess so, if your parents let you that is."

I stopped walking and he stood in front of me, bending his neck to force his forehead to mine.

I looked down at my shoes to hide the colour in my cheeks.

"I think I'll be okay, I'll just have to text Taryn and tell her she doesn't have to cover for me anymore."

He pressed his lips slowly to my forged and I felt them turn up into a soft smile that caressed my face and lightened my heart.

"I'll be waiting to see you and I probably won't sleep at all tonight because I won't be able to comprehend the fact that this has happened; that I kissed you, met you, and am now falling for you."

He let his lips linger down my cheeks and to my lips as we collided again. And we understood.

As we kissed this time it was different. I felt fear slowly trickling into the picture that was now my present.

I mean there I was, standing in the middle of my street, street lights serving as spotlights for a beautiful scene and gesture of caring that was playing out on my lips right then, and all I can think about is wether or not to accept it.

His hands made their way down to my hips and I felt his cool finger tips slide under my coat and press against my skin. I pushed them away with mine.

"Shawn, please." I couldn't do this. I knew I couldn't.

He let his lips fall from me as he looked up at me.

"What? Did I hurt you."

'Not yet.' Where did that voice come from? I looked at his eyes to search to see if I had said it out loud; I hadn't.

"No, I just-"

"Want to take it slow I understand," I could hear a tinge bit of disappointment on his words. "I'm just I don't know it IS different for me and I don't want to loose it, you know?"

I nodded. "I tend to hold onto things too tightly and when I should let them go, I can't. I'm not sure why I struggle with accepting my realities that I encounter but I do and that's me." I let my shoulders fall a little but Shawn's hands grasped them and held me back up.

"I understand," he turned me towards the direction of my house and we started walking "it's scaring when you start to care about something-"

"Or someone." I added.

He squeezed me arm. "Yes, and it's all because we know that when you care you feel and with feelings comes pain, but Astrid."

I motioned to my house and he stopped me on the driveway.

"I'm willing to care about you, heck I already do. I'm ready to hurt and feel and be happy because of you and I know that if my heart feels anything right now it's because I'm with you."

I didn't want to cry, but no one had ever been able to make me feel so special like he did.

'This is going to quickly.'

Shut up. "I want to feel for you too but you have to accept the fact that I'm scared and in not sure what to do with these feelings that are giving me butterflies." I looked up to see him smirking and just beaming.

"I give you butterflies?"

I rolled my eyes and smack his shoulder. "Yes," slow down. "I don't know!"

His face fell slightly and he tried to force a smile but I caught it before he could hide his disappointment, so I pulled myself into his arms.

"Yes," I inhaled his smell it was warm and inviting. "You give me butterflies, Shawn Mendes."

I felt him hug me back as he rested his chin on my forehead.

"What does this make us?" He asked above me.

I groaned. "I thought we were done trying to figure it out for tonight!"

"Okay okay! I just I want to know what to do when I see you again." I pulled him towards my door taking every precaution not to squeal the stairs.

I felt my courage return to me as I reached up and pulled his face back to mine.

"Do this."

And we kissed again, only about the tenth time that night but it was as memorable as the first and as sweet as the last and it left me wanting more as I sleepy opened my door and left him smiling on my porch.

I was falling for the boy outside my house who walked away that night as confused as me, and I saw the crash coming into view an to be honest, it wasn't landing off balance that I was afraid of: Rather it was the fact that I might just want to fall for him all over again when it was done.

*SOERY IT WAS SUPER SHORT ITS REALLY LATE HERE AND IM EXHAUSTED BUT I PROMISED AN UPDATE SO I HOPE YOU LIKED THE LITTLE OF IT THAT IT. BUT HEY ITS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT. XOXO THANKS FOR READING THIS ILY*