Chapter 39

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ERYK'S POV:

We walked down a long, concreted hall that had seven chairs aligned against one long table that was separated into individual columns. Sitting down in box #5 that was assigned to me by the correctional officer at the front desk, I looked around at a few other people around me. In a lot of ways, they seemed to be depressed as I was but not for the same reason. They seemed to be conflicted with the hardship of being separated with their loved ones.

"I'll be standing back against the wall but to the left, so I don't interfere in his reaction. If you need me at all all you have to do is signal me over." Charlie patted my shoulder and waited for me to give a signal of approval.

"Yeah, thanks." I said before turning my attention back to the glass in front of me.

Before I could catch my breath, there was an alarming clicking noise as a lock was opened that would allow the heavy-metaled door swing forward. Two correctional officers had him in handcuffs that were connected by a chain that circled down to his feet.

"Man he looks like shit." I said under my breath. I guess the last few months of withdrawal had really shape-shifted his appearance.

His eyes were bloodshot red and he was sweaty, but he managed to keep his head up unlike all the times at home. Before I could process that he was actually before me, he reached to his right and grabbed the phone. He kept his piercing eyes on mine as the one officer unhooked the chain and connected it to the table, giving him only enough room to grab the phone.

"What am I doing here Eryk?" He asked coldly.

"I wanted to talk." I said, still stuck in my own subliminal thoughts, not even realizing that the phone was barely even near my mouth before I spoke.

"Come again?" He said as if he was already annoyed.

"I just wanted to get some things off my chest." I said more confidently. "To confront my victimizer."

He gave me a confusing smile and shrugged his shoulders in a condescending response. I didn't return a response, instead I just sat there and studied him. My therapist once told me that there are two reactions that imprint on our collective consciousness and the one most applicable right now is our ability to cast away every physical or mental information that causes displeasure or sadness.

Physically, whenever I think of Jeff and my life with him, I often get these holes and knots within my body and for so long I ached for them to disappear. So, I avoided the topic whenever possible. It's so ironic that I've wanted closure for so long that I haven't even considered how I would emotionally react with him standing right in front of me. I hadn't realized the quality of rawness I would feel, being exposed to the situation and trying to gain some emotional support despite my bias against him.

"Well? Are you going to say anything?" He asked impatiently.

"You know," I stopped and laughed at my insecurity. "I've uh...I've been rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to you if I ever saw you again."

His eyebrows raised but he shook his head, indicating that he had no interest in what I was about to say. As if I could never influence him or anything he feels.

"I was gonna start with something really conventional," I took a deep breath. "something like 'go screw yourself', then I was going to get into a lot of really spiteful things like telling you what a low-life you are, that you have no regard to anyone around you, that you are the source of everything wrong in your life."

I stopped to wait for his response but he just sat there. At least I wiped that condescending expression off his face.

"Stuff like that, things to be directed at you in a very pointed way because you systematically ruined my life!" I could feel my heartbeat pounding and my temperature rising but there was a mystic look in his eyes that somehow made me soften. "But then I would eventually run out of steam and I'd finish begrudgingly with 'thank you for agreeing to meet with me and letting me get that out of my system.'"

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