There'll Be Storms (Spanking Story)

Chapter 60

*Just a short chapter to close out Eryk's departure*

CODY'S POV: 

We stood near the truck, watching as Eryk walked through the giant steel doors after being greeted by an older man in a uniform. I guess we waited for him to pass through, not expecting a second signal of goodbye, but I think it was more because neither of us wanted to move because  then reality would set in. Eryk walked in with a smile on his face and, just before he walked up the staircase, he turned and nodded at us both. 

I looked down at my shoes, letting out a loud sigh of relief and of apprehension. I was glad that it was finally over, the first step in this rough situation, now I just need to survive. 

This morning I woke up with a knot in my stomach. My entire being felt empty and motionless and my head was spinning with the remembrance of former trauma. In my head, I kept telling myself that this was the worse feeling, even when I had to face mom's funeral. This was worse because instead of withdrawal, this felt more like abandonment. 

I know that's not Eryk's intention. . .and I do somewhat understand that he needs to improve himself if he's ever going to make it. I even understand that he's doing it for the both of us. What I don't understand, however, is why memory likes to haunt me. I thought extreme trauma was supposed to block out certain memories from revisiting your mind. . .but I guess even Mr. Davis can be wrong at some times because I remember exactly everything that happened. Every detail that occurred was fresh in my mind, and it really makes me want to jump outside of my skin. In a twisted sense, I guess it allows me to find some order in a mind full of chaos. . ..I guess if I had to justify it, some part of myself was fixated on remembering the details because I knew eventually everything would come to an end. It would slowly fade away. Details would go missing, features would become blurry, and this made it even more precious. I wanted to hold on to that feeling because it fuels my memory of her. . .and my bitterness toward the world. It was like my mind was playing a trick on myself. I guess a person's brain really is the most frightening thing of all.  

When I watched Eryk walk through those gates, it was like adding another block into the cold structure of my mind. He once told me 'just look to the future and stop worrying about the past.' Everyone, everyone  tells me to let those memories go. But what they  don't understand is that those memories are part of me, they're who I am. If I let them go. . .I don't think I'd have anything left. 

"I'm ready whenever you are Cody." Charlie said from behind, leaning back on the grill of the truck. 

Ready. Yeah, I'm ready. 

"Let's go then." I whispered to myself as I made my way back to the passenger door. 

We entered the truck and descended down the driveway in silence. There was an unpleasant amount of pressure in my chest from the awkwardness between the two of us. Eryk was the adhesive that kept Charlie and I intact, he bridged the gap in more situations than either of us would care to admit. With Eryk gone, it's forcing me to start over. It's like the last couple of months never happened because I had Eryk, and now I have to do it all over again. 

"So, are you nervous about baseball tryouts? They're coming up next. . .Saturday, I think?" Charlie asked, trying to break the silence. 

"I'm not really nervous." I shrugged. "And yeah, I think they're Saturday. At noon." 

Nodding, he made a sharp turn onto the exit for the highway. "Have you decided what position you'd like to play?" 

"I think I want to play left-field, but I really like second-base too." I hadn't really given it much thought, I'm just trying to keep up with the conversation. 

"Well, if you want, maybe we can stop at the fields on the way home? Burn off some steam, get some field practice in. . .." He looked for some reaction from me, but I think he was met with disappointment. 

I felt entirely numb. 

"Uh," I didn't really want to say no. I could use the practice, and the distraction. "we didn't pack any of our stuff."

Smiling, he rubbed his hand against his face. "I packed it early this morning in case you'd agree."

"Oh." I smiled back; Charlie was so proactive. "Yeah, then let's do it." 

"Awesome. We can go to the ones near your school."

"Cool." I said as I returned my attention to the passing trees and other cars.