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chapter eighteen
Yanmei was nervous for today. currently she and the ganng were on a ship headed towards the Fire Nation. she hadn't been there in nearly 7 years, since she was banished. but now that Zuko was Firelord, her banishment is lifted, and she is free to go back to her home country. she wondered how it had changed in the time she was gone, if the palace was any different, and if she might see Azula lurking somewhere.
the thought of seeing her again made herself panic. it brought back memories of the last time she saw the princess. the look of evil on her face as she directed the lightning towards her heart, the satisfaction she felt when Yanmei was pronounced dead, the tears that ran down her face as she smiled and said a final goodbye to Yanmei.
"we're here!" Aang jumped up with a laugh as the ship approached the gates to the Fire Nation. Yanmei's anxiety grew with each second that passed. she didn't want to do it. she didn't want to face her childhood. she didn't want to see Zuko after he basically ended their friendship on the night of her arrival party.
"I don't think I can do it," she spoke aloud as she grasped her chest. her heart was pounding and she was breathing heavily. she felt as if she was going to have a panic attack.
Sokka held onto her hands and lowered them from her chest, "it's going to be okay. i'll be with you the entire time. Ozai and Azula are locked up, they can't hurt you anymore"
"I said the same thing about Folami and Shan," she looked over at her boyfriend and laid a hand on her stomach, "just because someone losses their bending or is gone, doesn't mean they can't hurt you"
Sokka frowned deeply, "does the thought of having your baby hurt you that much?"
Yanmei looked down at her growing bump, which was growing faster by the day and was now noticeable, and she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know exactly how I feel about it, but thinking about it... remembering everything that they did... I don't want to remember it. I want to forget it all. I just don't think i'll be a good mother"
she's sees Shan's face in her head and bites her lip, "I'd look at the child's face and all I would see is him. I'd relive it all everyday, but I just want to forget"
"you wanna know what I think? you'll say this stuff over and over just to convince yourself that's how it'll be. but then when this baby is born, you'll see their face, and you'll love them unconditionally. they won't be a reminder of the bad things, but that you survived it all. you kept fighting because of that baby, because you didn't want them to be apart of that life. you'll hold your baby in your arms, and you'll know that what you feel is love, something that neither of you would have if you stayed there"
"since when did you get all smart and wise?" Yanmei smiled. hearing him say that was something she didn't realize she actually needed.
Sokka put his arms behind his head and sighed, "what can I say, i'm becoming a better man"
