New Levi x Reader One-shots [Captain-Fan]

Cheater!Levi x Reader - Circle - [AU]

Warning: this story contains suicide.

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They say time heals all wounds, but sometimes, wounds lead the permanent deterioration of someone. Time only made the pain worse, and neither pills nor alcohol would ever be able to mask that agony. That dull pain in his chest never seemed to fade with the ticking of a clock. Time was crippling. Time hurt. All he’d ever think about nowadays was how he’d never have the life he desired with the one person he wanted the most. As these thoughts stirred in his head, he reflected on the obstacle that stood in his way of obtaining that happiness. Simply, he was his worst enemy.

    He thirsted for those first few phases of his relationship with you. Those days where love was fresh and each day was a new adventure.  Before he dated you, his life was a mess, filled with darkness and empty purpose. To him, you were like a savior, ridding him from his anxieties and heavy thoughts. For so long, everything was pure bliss. Your dates together were always more simple in nature, but the quality time was worth more to you than the most expensive gem.  He made you happy, and you made him happy. The days with him were spontaneous and excitable, and it left you wrapped around his finger. Truth be told, he was genuinely happy back then. Everything was absolute perfection.

     

So why did he have to go and fuck it all up?

If he could do it all over again, he would.

“I love you.”

    Those words you had craved for so long, those three simple words, those mere eight letters; why did he deny them from you? He felt it there in his heart, and yet something deep within trapped that emotion from ever being vocalized. What you wanted- no- what you needed was for those words to fall upon your ears just once. Was that so much to ask? For anyone else, of course not. But something always stopped him from giving in to his inner complex. Was he scared? Did he take this too seriously? He honestly could never give up a good answer for this. His stubbornness indefinitely created a rift in the relationship. And when you turned your shoulder, he turned to someone else.

     

     

One bad decision created a deathly chain reaction.

    He honestly didn’t give two shits about this woman, but the thought of somehow taking a stab at you excited him. “If you won’t give me attention, I’ll get it from someone else.” The distorted logic was simple enough to follow. Levi’s insecurity with himself was always his greatest downfall, so he preyed on whoever would constantly make him feel like he mattered And yet, wasn’t that the exact thing he wouldn’t give you? He was a hypocrite of the highest caliber, and only now did he feel disgusted with himself. But he continued these illicit acts with this woman, and the greatest part of this was your ignorance.

     

Time passed, the distance grew greater, and the hurt grew.

    He questioned if you knew of his doings since you’d hardly ever touch him or even look at him for that matter. At this point, your living arrangement seemed more like roommates rather than a couple. Time with you now was a rarity, and even when you were alone together, your mind was off on some other otherworldly spectrum. When he was with you, he’d think back to those days of when you first found love in each other’s arms. He missed you. Frankly, the thought of marrying you circulated in his mind, and it was a comforting one. Maybe if you both were married, he could cut off his sinful affairs and that would be proclamation enough to prove his love for you.

     

 Maybe, you both could love each other again.

The world is cruel though, especially to adulterers like him. Before he could find the right time and place to propose, he found you lying bloodied on the floor, a forty-four magnum your limp hand.

Everything…was blank.

    He wanted to scream, to cry, but most of all, he wanted to pick up that gun and atone for his sins. It was a suicide, but at the end of the day, he knew he was solely responsible for this. He allowed himself to sink so low and ignore you to the point where you felt the need to take your own life.

He didn’t deserve the easy way out.

He deserved to rot in his misery with a stained consciousness for the rest of his existence.




So, he wept. That's all he could do now anyways. He cradled your cold body to his own, and wept until he became completely numb.

    Now, tired eyes gazed over at the few photos of you both that he kept sanctified on his nightstand. It was that period of happiness; the closest to heaven that he’ll ever be. He wanted to reach out and touch you again, but that would do no good. You were too far gone, and had been for awhile now. The closest he could get was feathering his fingertips against the glass of the picture frame, trying to remember your every detail. To say he was disturbed now would be an understatement. Oh how he missed you. But this was the price he’d pay for his actions; his heartbreak and eternal guilt were simply the tip of the iceberg. He was feeling the pain you had felt in your last days here on this earth, and that was enough to make him stick this out. He now had endless time to reflect on those detrimental wrongdoings.

     

     

    Life is such a precious thing. It takes so much effort to save or bring lives into this world. However, life is a fragile delicacy, susceptible to death and destruction at any given moment. It is in the changing of life that we find ourselves traveling as people; sometimes for the better, and sometimes for worse. Levi could only ponder now on how his life would be different if he would have just given you his time. If he would have just stayed faithful.

If he had just said

“I love you.”

Regret was something even the whiskey couldn’t get rid of, and like his days before you, he reverted back to an infinite depression.

Everything was in full circle, just as he deserved.