Don't Let It Break Your Heart

11: Remedy of the Heart

       "Harry, you know back in secondary school... when we ate lunch together behind the stands?" I don't know if you do, so I thought I'd remind you, I know you can hear me." Louis bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling. There wasn't anyone in the room besides himself along with Harry and however, he was starting to feel alone. 

"We would talk about our nonsense homework yeah? And you would tell me how you wanted to find true love one day, but you didn't know exactly who you were yet. I don't know if you found yourself yet or not, but I would love you no matter what."

Louis took Harry's hand in his own, slowly looking at the figure who gently lay in the bed and he tried to come to terms with the 50/50 chance of Harry getting better. The feeling of guilt lingering in the air like the oxygen he was breathing. 

   "I-I wrote some lyrics down w-while we were here you know? I mean it was so quiet and - and you look like an angel... couldn't help it?" Louis smiled, slowly shrugging his shoulders. 

He slowly sank back in his chair overthinking as he always did, and it happened to be one of Harry's pet peeves, only because he did the same thing. 

  "O-okay..."

Louis takes in a deep breath, slowly looking at his hands before beginning to softly sing. 

                                  Life gets hard and it gets messed up

                           When you give so much, but it's not enough

 "I can't do this..." Louis shakes his head, I doubt you can even hear me." He spat putting the palms of his hands against his temples. "I know you are possibly getting better Harry, but what if you don't huh?  What if after everything you've done to get better- it's just- it's all thrown away and for what. And you know what... I can't even do anything... I wrote those lyrics out of loneliness, but I bet nobody will give a damn."  

Even after it all, despite being so close to Harry all in all he kept things to himself. For example, his dream, being a popstar and selling music for a living. He was over that now, but the lyrics came easy to him. Like a girl writing in her own diary. Music was his outlet and the way he vented his feelings about things, but now he felt hurt.

        "Mr. Tomlinson, there is someone who delivered roses." A nurse says, a genuine yet since smile on her face, "They chose to be anonymous so keep this between us." Soon the flowers were delivered and Louis held onto them tightly, he was surprised to see that the roses came in a vase. His smile, though it being small, was still prominent. And he was thankful for the anonymous person. 

As Louis set them on the counter next to Harry's things, his eyes watered a bit more. 

He could see a bit of movement now, in just the very tips of his fingers, Louis thought before that it was a good sign that maybe he was recuperating at least to some degree. "Haz, can I hold your hand?" His tears beginning to roll down his now flushed cheeks. He didn't want to seem like a heavyhearted person, but the feeling and burden came back to haunt him every time.

 It was depressing in here, obvious as it may seem, to watch Harry just lay there, he hadn't known anything else.  Even going home to rest, felt selfish, most importantly because Harry could die - not saying that he would but- even he knew there was a possibility. Louis looked down to their hands, which were linked together and he swallowed.  

"I still believe in miracles you know..." Louis whispered yet, it felt as if he didn't even speak. "Took forever to believe in them after me mum died, but lord have mercy on your soul Harry. Everything hurts, seeing you wasting in this bed and I can't even do anything."

 Louis gasped as he felt Harry lightly squeeze his hand, what just happened, he thought maybe he was imagining it. But the visual of Harry being better and doing their normal everyday activities played inside his head like going to the park and laying down in the grass just listening to the birds chirping. If Louis was really thinking back to it, he could hear Harry's voice.

 He vividly saw his emerald eyes glance towards his own, the back to the sky where the sunset had overcast across the sky. "Can't believe how much I'm in love with you," Harry smirks leaning over to give him a quick kiss. Louis remembered the kiss and knew how Harry was always so gentle with him. 

He felt it again, the squeeze from Harry's hand. His eyes burn now, from holding back his tears and he noticed tears beginning to roll down Harry's cheeks, what did this mean? 

     "Harry, are you crying?" Louis being in shock didn't know exactly how to respond, but he shakily wiped away the next tear that fell, he slowly wiped away another and kissed Harry on the forehead. He was in deep love with him, had been for years, and even now could smile wishing the best for his love. If he were to get better, Louis would most definitely be over the moon. But if not, at least he could say that Harry was a fighter and he would be at complete peace. 

     "You going to go with Gems and me?" Lottie asked from the doorway, Louis was in complete tears again and didn't even acknowledge how long he had been sitting there. 

Instead of answering her, he shook his head slowly, in which she gave him a gentle hug. 

    "Don't worry Lou, it'll be okay, I know you're scared, and it's completely normal."

His sister was right, it was normal to fear things, but this was a really big circumstance. His husband Harry, might not even leave this god awful hospital.

     "C'mon I'll get his mum to watch him, and we'll get you a vanilla latte just like you prefer."

Instead of arguing with her, feeling despair take over and he nodded, maybe this was the break he needed. All he could think in his head was "I love you, Harry." 

And then he glanced seeing a smile on his love's face. 

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave comments!