Don't Let It Break Your Heart

22: Regression and Depression

Harry became clingy, nowadays, Louis couldn't help but think it was due to his brain starting to relapse once again, maybe at this point he wasn't going to have a single prayer. Nobody could honestly pinpoint whether or not it was in the cards for Harry to be able to go home or if this was his final journey. No. Louis thought to himself and closed his eyes, Harry was seizing again. 

This had only been the third one in almost two weeks, but it could be the villain going against him in his life story. This time though, when Louis had been put in this situation, he knew it was better to be there for him, loving him, and if anything, be his shoulder when everything gets daunting.

 That thought in itself almost scared Louis to the point of tears, forget that, he was tired of crying. Even though he basically cried at least once every day for the past seven months now, he was ready to stop. He sunk to the floor realizing now that he may be in this alone. Sure he had Anne, and even his friends were there. Needless to say, Zayn was there, but sometimes, even when someone is there it feels like they aren't really. His life was slowly crumbling like a piece of wasted paper into the bin of mistakes. 

Louis collapsed on the bathroom floor, he couldn't take it. The how are holding up, the endless apologies, and the times where people would hold him close and act as if they understood. Maybe they were just trying to engage with him. Yeah, that had to be it. Because half of the people that arrived to see Harry, he didn't really recognize. 

Stop it. This is all a nightmare. Make it stop. I just want my Harry back. Louis could only sit there, wondering what he was supposed to do now? Of all the things he could say to Harry, what would be what it take to finally give his composure and have closure. 

           "Please," Louis whispered, I just want him, is that too much to ask? Is it so wrong to want the one you love to-to be well again?" On his knees, he felt as if he was praying to whoever might be listening. He prayed every night now since the night Harry was taken to the emergency room and Anne stayed by beside him, especially when he became doubtful and she was there to recognize the fear and worry in his eyes. 

Seeing this coming a mile away would be almost like saying jinx for bad luck. Louis sighed, unevenly, the ultimate jinx is what he had, and somehow when he met Harry he gave him what was only known as the kiss of death.

Why was this destiny for them, Harry not being the strong one? Louis being in inclose spaces with his own emotions, and finally realizing how difficult a relationship could be, it wasn't even Harry's fault and he knew that.

   "I'm crying again." Louis whispered, his hands reaching to wipe his tears, "I promise myself I wouldn't cry again." 

That had to have been the line of the year for Louis, promising himself this over and over, it could almost drive him mad maybe even to the looney bin.

Louis thought of Harry, as big tears made their way down his cheeks. He was beyond exhausted, his face numb and his heart had a hole tearing from the inside. Yet here he was worried about the person who he proposed to almost an entire month ago.

       "Louis, you can't go through this alone, you know that?" Zayn spoke, however, Louis blocked most of it out, the only thoughts that remained in his head were unanswered questions, disorientation made everything in a daze and he could almost see Harry in the doorway, smiling and laughing as he used to. His eyes dancing, unlike his two left feet.  "Look at yourself... man you are losing it, you can't do this to yourself."

 Louis felt that the time he has known Harry even though it was quite a while, didn't seem long enough. He knew he was out of it now because Zayn was doing everything he could to converse with him still, even now Louis wasn't himself. He was losing himself, it didn't take a genius to know it either. Slowly, grief was taking over, and Harry was still alive.

          "Lou, honey, c'mon we need to talk." Anne, who barely had the strength herself at this point still tried to be there for Louis, he was her sun, not just her son-in-law. Her presence to Louis was collective what held everything in his life together, even when illness managed to pull one thing out and it began to crumble like the Jenga blocks, the damn game he remembered Harry begging to play over and over again.

 Oh how he would give anything to play them now.

"Lou, honey, when was the last time you actually slept in your own bed, hmm?" Anne's voice, sincere and loving. He couldn't lie to her, as much as he really wanted to cover up how exhausted he really was, looks were not deceiving one bit. "Darling you need to go home and try to get some rest? Alright? Her hand on his shoulder to give him the undoubtful comfort he had been needing this entire.

Why was it so hard to just admit to himself to focus on what he needed, Harry would be disappointed in him for his recent behavior, and he knew that. Almost as if on cue Louis nodded and whispered a quiet "You're right, Anne."

The truth of the matter wasn't that being okay was hard, what seemed to be the most difficult thing right now? How was he suppose to let go? How was he going to survive the lonely nights, the reminder that he would no longer have the sweet hellos or good mornings, even so much as the left over smell of coffee when he left for work.

 God it was all too much and he just felt the need for a break, Anne was more than right, and the remedy to any issue he ever seemed to have, would she still care about him this often if Harry wasn't here. Louis didn't want to have to answer that question, not yet anyway.

     "Uh, I-I'm going to go tell Harry b-bye." Louis all but chokes out when he realizes what he says, what if this is the last time he tells him goodbye or that he loves him. Louis shook the questions away like he just had a nightmare, He would walk in the room and just talk with him. Just for a minute. 

Thank you for reading my legends who are superior. Please comment and vote!