Don't Let It Break Your Heart

17: Just A Blubbering Mess

Louis took a deep breath, his hands were trembling and he became weak in the knees. He had a hard time staying focused, especially when Adam walked in with a genuine smile. The butterflies in the stomach arose straight away and his eyes remained on Harry, the lad had a tiny juice box in his hand and he was enjoying the sweet sensation of apples. 

    "Hello, Harry... Louis it's nice to see you both today." Adam beams, his smile never leaving as he became closer. "Are we ready to try physical therapy today?

Louis wasn't expecting this to happen so quickly, he sat upright now, Adam without a doubt had Louis's full attention now. He turned to the both of them and took Harry's juice box once he had finished and chucked it in the trash. 

  "Are you ready Harry?" Adam inquired of the lad, kneeling down beside him, he needed to be down on his level, especially because he knew Harry had some boundaries of his own now. Adam knew without any doubt that the boy had complications now, but they were only obstacles and soon he would overcome them.

Harry could only look at him, his eyes implying that his attention was there, but he really wasn't. And he couldn't explain how he was feeling. "Can you talk to me? Harry?" 

Louis, for the first time during their stay in the hospital, witnessed the worry in his eyes, the pain and guilt weren't far behind, and just like that  Louis was sobbing. Life wasn't fair, their fairytale was supposed to unravel and he was supposed to marry him. 

         "Marry me." Louis practiced the two words over and over, as he peered at himself in the bathroom mirror. "Harry Edward Styles, will you marry me?" As Louis took a step back he could hear the door open from the kitchen, Harry was home from the bakery and promised cupcakes when he returned home. "Don't know what I would do without you, Harry."

As Louis brought to mind the sweetness of their relationship, he didn't even realize that he was full-on crying now, doctors, as well as nurses, surrounded Harry. Maybe he would be okay after this, whatever this was. Sometimes, when it became really bad, like now, Louis prayed to whatever gods were out there. 

He prayed for happiness and peace and strength. He wondered why angels didn't provide and care for the humans who were struggling, and he always felt like the weaker one because Harry had always been his shield. At least, until he became sick. Then, it was as if he blamed himself that Harry was in the shape he was in. His love, his best friend, for god's sake Harry was his hero. 

Green eyes, brunette curls, and all things sweet. How could you find someone better than him?

Louis swallowed, witnessing the incident before him with red-rimmed eyes and tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt like such a wreck, but this wasn't just anyone. This was Harry, if he died, oh god he would never survive the blow.

      "Louis, hey, listen." Adam walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, before having him turn and meet Harry who now had his eyes closed. "He had a seizure okay? We don't really know the situation right now but his condition is o-okay."

If numb had a face, right now it would be Louis Tomlinson, he couldn't speak on Harry's behalf. What if Harry wasn't going to get better, what if this was all pointless. He thought about it, several times but he didn't dare say it. "What do you want us to do, Louis?"

What was he supposed to say? What was even the right thing anymore? Couldn't they just have him live happily until it was all over? Why did he have to keep going through therapies when they didn't even help him? The seizure triggered him to become mute again. Probably will keep him paralyzed as well.  Louis couldn't answer Adam, his plea for help was overlooked and nobody realized that Harry's sand in the hourglass was almost empty. 

       "You don't get it, do you, Adam?" Louis was now just a blubbering mess, his eyelashes almost sticking together from crying, "There is nothing we can do for him, he is dying, why-why can't you people see it?" As Louis stood up, he felt weakness fall from his shoulders, and for one time, he had the strength to say what needed to be said.  "He doesn't need treatment, it's not working anymore. You keep trying and trying for godsakes just let him be."

It was hard, keeping that inside for as long as he did. The tiniest grain of hope he once had, was no longer. He couldn't keep holding onto Harry, if he did he would never be able to let go. He and Harry need to make a closure, even if it meant that Harry couldn't speak to him in the last moments of his life. Adam of course had no words, he only wanted the best for his patients, and Louis was seeming to refuse treatments for Harry. 

"It was only a seizure, he'll be alright, Louis." Adam tried to assure him but instead of believing him, he shook his head knowing he couldn't do it. 

He can't keep being the strong one, it's so tough, it was becoming a lot different than he wanted things to turn out, and no matter how positive he was life was difficult for Harry. "Don't worry, alright? L-Louis look at me, breathe, everything is going to be fine... maybe try going for a walk? Get some coffee from the Starbucks next door."

Taking a deep breath Louis tried to find the positive in all of this and to be honest it was easier said than done.  But he nodded anyway, "You're right, I'm sorry, thank you for taking care of Harry." As he slowly stands up he can see Harry's eyes flutter open and he looks tired, even though he was just resting. "Hey Hazza, I'm going to get a coffee, do you need anything?"

Harry only thought for a moment, and his weary smile returned. "J-Just a tea, thanks."

Thank you all for reading, remember not to go to bed without a cuppa tea!