Wicked Plan (Complete)

23- Confessions

Lying on my stomach on the warm grass I take my pencil and begin to sketch the first thing that comes to mind. Something that makes me feel warm and safe, happy and wanted...

"Mila..." Sofie skids to a stop and lands hard at my side  "Is Shawn a movie star?"

"No" I say with annoyance, Sofie has been star struck ever since the day she first met him

"He looks like a movie star" she says dreamily, an 8 year old with her first crush... but of all the faces to crush on!!!! "Is he coming to dinner soon?"

"No" my chest tenses at the realisation that Shawn will probably never be coming to dinner again

"Is he your boyfriend?" She looks so excited it actually hurts me to tell her no he's not my boyfriend "Well can he be my boyfriend?" I break out in loud genuine fits of laughter before wrapping my arms around my sister and pulling her into a bear hug. Thank God for Sofia, no matter how hard life seems she smiles and everything is suddenly okay.

"Mija!" I hear my mother's voice from the front of the house " You have a guest" I don't move, don't adjust a hair or uncrumple my grassy overalls, sure Eva or MJ will be coming around the yard but then all of a sudden a 6ft 2 boy, dressed in white sneakers, blue jeans and a magenta t-shirt comes in to view and I almost blackout from shock.

"Shawn..."  I pant whilst pushing myself to my feet and then realising what a state i look so dropping back down hard onto the grass

"Can we talk?" I look to Sofie and then back to Shawn, it dawning on him quickly this conversation may not be suitable for 8 year old ears

"Hey Sofe, can you go and feed Thunder for me baby?" I ask with the biggest smile whilst handing out a palm full of candy I had hidden to act as motivation if my energy levels dropped.

"Okay but Shawn, can you come and play Minecraft before you leave?" As Shawn promises her that he will I see a sadness in his eyes, a resolutness that what's going to come won't end well and I begin to feel my chest cave in already.

Sofie skips her way into.the house and I push myself up into a sitting position and for a little while we just sit and look at each other, neither of us saying anything.

"I missed you" Shawns words hit me like a knife into my chest. It was the last thing I expected him to say but  as I feel my chest flood with emotion I realise my entire being has been waiting to hear it.

"I missed you too" I manage to breathe out, clutching to the blanket beneath me.

"Do you want to tell me what happend?" He widens his legs and pushes his hands deep into his pockets the way that always drives me wild.

"Nothing" my voice  shudders as I speak, giving me away for sure and he drops down onto the grass next to me

"I know it was Eva. I know she said some stuff about me because she doesn't want you anywhere near me and she has good reasons to feel that way" he reaches for my hand and my gut clenches, knowing somehow that something bad is coming "I met her last Summer, at a party, I was there with some friends and wasted as usual"

I try to pull my hand away but he holds it tight in his much larger one, his eyes begging me to listen but I'm becoming more and more terrified of what I'm about to hear

"We had sex Camila"

I grab my hand away from his grip as I attempt to grab a hold of my mind

Shawn and Eva ...

That's why she was so angry

Shawn and Eva had sex...

Shawn had sex with Eva, my best friend...

No matter which way I say it it doesn't sound right, it doesn't make sense so I push it away somewhere deep inside and then like u always do. I pretend it doesn't matter

"Okay" I answer like it means nothing as my heart pounds against my ribcage erratically " Why are you telling me this? It's got nothing to do with me who you do or don't have sex with" I want to run and clean my teeth after saying those words knowing it was Shawn and Eva that did it.

"Because she's angry with me and I deserve it but she's taking it out on you and you don't deserve it" I feel my eyes screaming to cry as I tighten my grip on the blanket, frustration flooding every part of me.

I don't want to cry but I'm about to

I don't want to care about Shawn and Eva but I do

I don't want to miss him when he's not around but I did... I really, really did

I look at his handsome face, those full pink lips that taste so good and I know the parts of Eva they placed kisses on first and that provokes the first tear to fall. He reaches to wipe it away but I slap his hand away and then look down to the grass, defeated.

"I had to tell you, I'm sorry if it bothers you but I wasn't sure if she would and I'm not the type of guy to let anyone hold something over me. It was last year, she was a girl I didn't know, it's not cute it's just... it's how I am"

I nod and never lift my eyes. The weight of the last few weeks holding my gaze firmly to the ground.

"Camila I don't know what's going on here exactly but I'm not the guy for you" I nod again "I'm a walking disaster, I'm going nowhere in life except maybe to jail"

"Don't say that!" For the first time I lift my head up and my eyes lock on to his beautiful whiskey coloured orbs "You can be so much more than you think, you just need someone to believe in you"

"What about you Camila? Do you believe in me?" He reaches out and smoothes his thumb over my jaw line and my entire body shudders "I'm going to go, I just thought I should tell you about... You know" I nod once more as tears drip unforgivingly down my cheeks and I see a look of something sad in his eyes as he clears his throat and then pushes himself back to his feet

"Don't go!" I suddenly blurt out and he spins to face me, his eyes wide with something that looks like hope.
"You can't... You uh, you promised Sofia you would play Minecraft" His fave breaks into a wide, beautiful smile and the butterflies in my stomach flutter into life, I should take it as a warning but it feels so good and he looks so beautiful that I just stand there and enjoy the feeling for a second

"Minecraft date with an 8 year old... who would have thought this is how my dating life would turn out?" We both share an easy laugh and then I take his hand gently and lead him towards the house, at some point during the short trip her intertwined our fingers and smiles down at me almost shyly and I know right then that I'm a gonner. I have feeling for the school bad boy and he's going to break my heart, one way or another.

*I intend this to be the only update today because I need a really good planning session for how this is going to progress. This is a good time for you to get involved if you want, send me anything you want to see more or less of, any questions you have. I'm always open to feedback

*Dedicated to my friend spreadlove93 who is having a rough time right now but is the sweetest human