The Void of a Future King (mxm)

19. Today

56 Days Left

For each day that passes time did not seem to follow. Everyday morphed into one long one that droned on and on and on. As day turned to night, and night to day, it didn't matter. It all felt the same; like nothing. When Remiul swung the mallet that he had been swinging since his teenage years he didn't feel anything. At the dinner table there was no more teasing but, either way, he wouldn't care. He just couldn't get himself to care; only to fake a smile or act like everything was ok, so no one would question him.

The only thing Remiul could get himself to care about was Asher. He knows he's a father and has a responsibility to his son; to provide love and support to him. It doesn't matter what he's going through. For a while he seemed to forget that, but vowed never to again. Looking into his sons faultless eyes he knew he never couldn't afford to.

His own sons perfect eyes made him think of his own perfection- or lack thereof. In the past few months Remiul has managed to become a completely different person. Before Samuel everything was so simple; he married Arabella, had a child with her, and was set to rule the kingdom and make his father proud. Now, none of that seemed to be the same. Not his lifelong promise to Arabella, who he had cheated on. Not only cheated but brought into their home to parade around in secret. He used to look at Asher and see the creation of him and his wife but, even now, all he sees is her in him. He couldn't imagine his son was a part of him, a man who had disgraced his mother.

Rem didn't even want to be king anymore, not in the way he once had. He knew, deep down, his father could never be approve of a life where his son is not king.

Remiul reached his hand down to Asher's, mirroring his wide smile. His son wrapped his tiny fingers around his fathers thumb, squeezing as tightly as he could manage. His skin was soft against Remiul's, reminding him of the delicacy of the little man that looked at him.

At this point, he was not even living for himself. He never felt like he really had been. His marriage to Arabella was expected by his mother, which encouraged him to talk to her in the first place. The crown was expected by everyone, especially by his father. Remiul was happy to do it all but never considered what he wanted. Now, as his thumb connected to his sons hand, he couldn't think of anyone better to guide his life upon.

He couldn't feel sorry for himself anymore; it doesn't set a good example for his son. He should be strong and brave in the face of adversity. And he was not.

"That all changes today." He spoke aloud.

The first thing Remiul decided to do was cut back his responsibilities as much as possible. His priorities, he decided, are his father, the crown, and his child. His life had no capacity for anything else; he was not to give his time to anything else.

"You're quitting? Your Royal Highness, I do not advise this. You and the whole team have worked so hard for this. I know things have been rough lately-"

"I have evaluated all my other options and this is the best decision."

"If you really feel that way..."the coach did not want to push. It did not feel to be his place anymore, now that he'd be the future king. It was different than when the prince had been 16, only a child. Now, he was not his student anymore. "But I'm not going to be the one to tell the rest of the team. Respectfully Prince Remiul, I believe they deserve to hear it from you."

"If that is you're only wish, who am I to decline? Set up a meeting for lunch tomorrow. I want to handle this as civilized men."

"You know the team. Does that sound like them to you?"

The conversation with his coach was at the top of Remiul's mind but he fought to push it down. He decided today would be the day of ridding himself of anything that made him revert back to the state he had been. Regret overcame in his heart when he recalled his departure from the team, even if it was a more desirable option than staying. He is not ignorant to the disappointment this would cause his team.