The Void of a Future King (mxm)

9. Let Me In

Today is the day I come out to my dad. The kind lady from the cemetery, never thought I'd say a sentence like that, has been on my mind ever since we had that discussion. I've been using these few weeks to analyze how I can take control of my life.

That's what Colin would've wanted me to do.

I figured that I can't bring him back to life. I can't go see Remiul. He's probably happy without me. It's not like he's tried to reach out to me. He could've hired a private detective or something to track me down if he actually cared. He's probably realized how happy he is with his wife and has completely forgotten about me.

Not that I care.

Who am I kidding!? Of course I care! That old man has made me so happy. When I was around him the attraction was undeniable. It was hard for me to focus on anyone else but him. All I ever thought about was trying to impress him with my wall climbing, riding through the woods, and my violin.

Even when I wasn't around him he was on my mind all the time. When I ate, I wanted to share with him how amazing food is. When I lied in bed, I wanted to cuddle with him. After violin lessons I wanted to show him what I learned. When I went to sleep I wanted him to be by my side. When I woke up I wanted to see his face.

But none of that matters anymore. Remiul is out of my life, for good. He doesn't care, so I have to move on.

The only thing I can control in my life was coming out to my dad. I knew that I had to do it eventually. Now was the time, I could feel it. If anything went wrong I'm already going to find a princess to marry soon. I could just pretend to be straight and live that life. It would be easier. Or I could move away from the kingdom.

I pushed all my thoughts aside as I look in the mirror, practicing how I was gonna say it and what face I would make.

"Dad..."I mumbled under my breath. "I'm a raging homosexual."I whispered to myself. I tried to make my face almost look guilty and sympathetic for my dad.

I knew that wouldn't be good. The term 'raging homosexual' wasn't a very delicate way to put it. The word homosexual was too proper and raging was a bit intense. I wouldn't look apologetic either. I'm should be proud of who I am.

"Padre!"I whispered enthusiastically. That wouldn't do either.

"Dad.."I decided to stick with that. It was an oldie but a goodie in my book.

"I kissed our future king."this time, I said it more confidently. I decided it was good to be confident but I don't need him knowing the king might be gay.

I'll try again.

"Dad. I'm gay and not the happy kind."

It was blunt and straight to the point.

But is that the right one? Is that what I want my coming out to be?

I practiced over and over again what I would say. I tried different ways of saying it, different faces, and even having an accent. It didn't take me long before I through the accent out the window.

I decided to take my dad to a fancy restaurant when I come out to him. Knowing my dad, it would stop him from making a scene. It would also be good if it went well, then we can celebrate. If it goes bad at least I can get some good food.

I had a few hours before any of that would happen though and nothing to do. I was supposed to be playing my violin but my fingers and wrists were still pretty sore. I didn't want to damage myself before my concert that was coming up. A lot of famous violinists were going to watch so I needed to be there and do perfectly.