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Chapter 32

I don't wanna be alone 

– Harry Styles, Golden

. . . .

I had to get away from Harry as soon as possible. For two minutes of me standing there, clutching my stomach from the wave of nausea washing over me that's about to swallow me whole, and Harry being supported by the sink, I silently run out of his house. Slamming the door behind me, I run down the front lawn. Harris's car is still parked at the curb, surprisingly, and I dart over to it immediately upon recognition.

Harris looks up, startled when I slide in and slam the door shut, falling into his open arms. His hand swirls around on my back as he whispers sweet words of encouragement such as: "Things are going to get better" and "You don't need him anymore", but he was wrong, I need Harry in more ways imaginable.

"Can we, uh, please drive? I don't want to be anywhere near him right now," I ask politely, trying not to seem too pushy.

"Here," He grabs the neckline of his sweatshirt and pulls it over his head, his dark green shirt riding up a bit. "Take my sweatshirt. You're freezing." He hands it to me with a small smile and shifts the car into drive.

I don't object to his offer, and immediately slip the thick material over my head, flipping the hood up and leaning against the fogged-up window. He turns the heat up just enough that it's comfortable and so I'm not freezing my ass off.

"Where should I take you? You could come back to my house. My parents are out taking the twins on a birthday treat in London for the day, and the others are at my aunt's house. Or I could take you back to the school?" he questions as he stops at the end of Harry's street.

"I don't wanna go back to the school right now. Do you mind if I come over to your house? If it's too much of a burden, you can just drop me off at my dad's." I wipe my raw, wet cheeks with the sleeve.

"You're not a burden. I'll take you back to my house." He holds onto my hand comfortingly and smiles while looking straight ahead. "Everything will be okay in the end. I promise."

"Promises are meant to be broken. Don't promise something you can't keep."

"I always keep my promises," he replies and stays silent the rest of the trip to his magnificent house.

Once we're parked, we run out of the car, into the rain, and under the protection of his porch. He pulls out his keys and unlocks the door to the chilly house. After adjusting the heat setting on the thermostat, he guides me upstairs to his bedroom.

"I can get you some clothes. Jean material is not comfortable for a lazy day." He shakes his head and shuffles through his closet which is unexpectedly overflowing with different styles of clothing. You would think that someone wouldn't have many clothes if they went to a boarding school and was only home on the weekends. "Are sweats and an extremely oversized sweater okay?"

"I'll take anything you give me. Thank you, Harris." I wrap my arms around his slim waist and watch as he disappears out the door, shutting it behind him.

I pull both his sweatshirt and my t-shirt over my head, tossing it onto his bed. The warm sweater is slid over my torso. The soft cotton pools around my shoulders. The material is more form-fitting but still is a bit baggy at the same time. The sweatpants cause the same problem, but with the adjustable string, I'm able to fit it to my size pretty well.

Minutes later, Harris returns to the room with his dog trailing in after him then jumps up on the foot end of the bed by my feet. He throws an ice cream carton onto the bed and hands me a spoon.

He treks over to his large closet and takes out a pair of simple gym shorts, replacing his black sweatpants.

"Alright." He flops down on his bed and picks up the TV controller from his bedside table. "What would you like to watch on Netflix? Friends?"

I shake my head while biting my thumbnail, the side of my hand collects my tears as I remember that it's Harry's favorite TV show.

"Wow. I'm surprised you didn't jump at the chance of watching that." He chuckles and continues scrolling through his list of TV shows. 

This exact position we're in reminds me too much of one of our really good nights. We laid in bed together, scrolling through Netflix until we decide to settle on Friends. We got along really well that night. Neither one of us started up an argument. We joked around, laughed; we talked about everything. 

"You okay, Vi? You're tearing up again." Harris props himself up on his elbow and smooths the tears away. Even his dog looks at me with big whiskey coloured eyes.

"I keep thinking about Harry. I want to hate him, but I love him at the same time." I loop my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest.

"It's okay to hate him. You'll eventually get over him, but for now, let's just forget about him."

"I don't want to get over him," I stated. "I want to get under him." I can't help but laugh at my inappropriate joke, but honestly, how was that not funny?

"Yeah. Okay," he laughs and continues scrolling. 

Out of nowhere, a tear builds up in each of my eyes at the laughter and jokes. That used to be how it was with Harry when he was having one of his good days. Now I lost the person I think I'm in love with. He's a difficult man–that's undeniable, but there's a certain attraction that I have for him that isn't based solely on his looks. 

"Vi, you can let it out if you want." He wraps his arm around me and pauses the TV. "I'm not judging."

"He's such an asshole." 

I wheeze with an unattractive frown on my face. I'm a wreck. My cheeks and eyes are most likely puffy and as red as a cherry from the crying. I keep having the same itchy feeling in my eyes from the flow of salty liquid oozing out of them like a fucking tsunami.

"I know. But hey, at least look at the bright side, we'll be gone from that school in a couple of weeks," he says in a hopeful voice. "Plus, the dance is next week. Did you get your ticket yet?"

"No. I didn't think I was going to go, but then Harry influenced me to since it's my last year there. That's why we were at the dress shop, but, I didn't get my dress so I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Well, good." He reaches over into his nightstand drawer and pulls out two thin cardboard rectangles. "I would love to have the pleasure of taking you as my date, as friends of course."

I take the tickets from his fingers and look over them. My mind is jumbled with the whole timeline of this year's events. Harry being the main cause for my tears, joys, and regrets for each and every event. He has caused so much pain in my life and I think I deserve to have at least one night of fun with my friends without the restrictions and decisions of Harry. I agree to be Harris' date and decide to push Harry out of my mind for as long as possible. I know it'll be difficult, but the memories of him need to go.

. . . .

I hope you liked it!

– Re-uploaded on February 8, 2021