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Chapter 191

I love your dad 'cause he gave you to me
You're half me and you're half daddy

— Adele, My Little Love

. . . .

Harry's been having a rough time lately. It all began when Lilly had her first day at uni, starting at the University of Manchester. She initially had the notion of moving away to go to school, leaving us all behind, but when she was accepted into this school, and so close by, she decided to stay here. While Harry was beyond relieved she decided to live at home while continuing her studies, the reality had settled in that his eldest was growing up and now his youngest is, too.

Today is Max's third birthday. While I woke up early this morning to get a shower and prepare for his party at my parents' house, Harry lay in bed facing the glass door covered up by the curtain. At first, I thought he was asleep, but when I walked around the edge of the bed while I was drying myself off, his eyes were open and staring straight ahead. A thick strip of light broadcasted onto his face, revealing the desolate thousand-mile stare in his eyes.

Sitting down beside his waist, I moved the blanket down to rub his back. His gaze never strayed from the several feet straight in front of him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I had asked him.

The rest of the house was quiet except for the occasional sounds of George walking through the house and the heating system buzzing in this chilly November freeze.

He shook his head, unwilling to communicate verbally with me.

"I know you're going through a rough time right now, and today isn't making it any easier on you. But, it's Max's day. Your feelings are valid, Harry, and I get what you're going through. I can't believe Max is already three. It feels like just yesterday when we were trying to conceive," I said to him. "But, I don't want Max to feel like today isn't special because of a shift in mood. Kids can sense that."

"They're growing up so fast," he said so softly that my heart broke and I'm still feeling the heaviness of its shattered pieces.

"I know," I replied just as wistfully. "They're only going to get older, but right now, they still need us. And they will for a long, long time–both of them."

"He'll be going off to school next year."

"It breaks my heart, too, that he's growing up. I can't believe I've been a mother for three years. But one of the best parts of having children is watching them grow up. Lilly's a brilliant girl, already going to uni. Max is still our baby and will be just as incredible. But it's going to be a long, long time until he's grown up."

He laid still for a couple of seconds then the blanket started moving and his hand wrapped around my forearm. He begged me to lay with him, and I did for a few minutes. I cheered him up as best as I could without also getting down myself. When he was finally feeling a little bit better, he got out of bed to get his shower. I got dressed and then snuck into Max's room. He was asleep in his dinosaur pajamas, his hair a mess, and everything from his hands to his face was completely relaxed. Seated on his little bed, I rubbed his back comfortingly as I did to his father shortly before that. Max stirred, his button nose scrunched up, and his tiny fingers rubbing his tired eyes.

"Max, it's time to wake up. It's your birthday!" I said cheerfully but in a light tone.

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's taking a shower. But once he's done, he'd love to see you."

While Max played with the animals in the kitchen, I made us breakfast until Harry joined us, scooping his son up from the floor and tickling him with the child's joyous giggles floating around the room. He wished him a happy birthday and listened intently to Max talking about what he wanted to do today. Lilly woke up and joined us just in time for her brother's birthday breakfast. After the table was all cleaned up after breakfast, I took him into our bathroom to wipe down the syrup from his chin and fingers. We picked out his clothes together and waited for the other members of the family to get ready.