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Chapter 193

But it's never too late
To come back to my side
The stars in your eyes
Shined brighter in Tupelo
And if you're ever tired of being known
For who you know
You know, you'll always know me

– Taylor Swift, Dorothea

. . . .

My pregnancy didn't ideally go the way Harry and I wanted it. Looking back over the list of symptoms I felt week-by-week while I was pregnant with Max, they were far more amplified during this pregnancy. My back was excruciatingly painful this time around, and I was beyond irritated at everything, especially Harry. I was harsh on him, I know that, and I hate the mood swings side of my pregnancies. He's only ever been helpful to me and the kids, taking up the slack when Max wanted to play but I was six months pregnant and unable to bend down at that point. I saw how much he had to balance his work life and home life, especially when Max persistently wanted to play with his toys in his play area with me, but when he got frustrated that I physically couldn't sit on the floor to play, Harry would drop whatever it is that he was doing to play with his son. Most of the time, it was grading homework or tests. I hated not being able to do the things I used to, but the upsides to my pregnancy were so good.

Harry and I were so beyond excited to find out the sex of the baby, and from that point on, I always gravitated toward that side of the baby items and picked out things I want to have for the baby. The kids had differing opinions to one another, but they were both excited to finally see the little one when the due date came.

We expected it would be difficult for Max to be in the waiting room, considering it was directly outside from the delivery room. We all knew it would be hard for him to be hearing me screaming as if my guts were being ripped out and have no idea how normal those sounds are. Dad wanted to be here for me from start to finish, so Lilly and Andrew took Max out for breakfast this morning and then to a playground while I was dilating in the hospital with Harry. I had started feeling contractions last night at eleven at night and when it was time, Harry woke Lilly up, told her he was taking me to the hospital and to take care of Max. They came to visit while I was waiting to deliver and I was still only feeling contractions at that point. When he was leaving, I felt sad to see him go and the whirl of emotions, plus the epidural, made everything hyper-real that he was leaving and I wouldn't see him for hours, unknowing of what would happen from then until the baby was born.

Despite Max being a healthy baby and having a relatively normal birth, I still had my fears for this baby's delivery. I think I'll always have this fear of delivery, and considering Harry and I decided this would be the last baby, I just needed to get through this delivery and I would be okay until our kids start having kids of their own if they choose that route.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly and our little baby was born this afternoon on August 12th at just after five in the evening. Harry texted Lilly that the delivery went well and to bring Max upstairs. Like we did when Max was born, Harry walked out and brought the kids in to meet their little sister first. Max wanted a little brother, and Lilly wanted a sister to outnumber the boys in our family, so when they found out, she was excited and Max was bummed out a little bit. However, once we showed him a video of a 3D ultrasound during the eighth month, he was fascinated and a little grossed out by the wax-looking baby. He talked about it with everyone he could that he was getting a little sister. He was always excited about the baby, and refer to her as Baby for the duration of the pregnancy. It was precious the way he would treat me while being pregnant, reminiscent of his father. When I would sit or lay on the couch, he would fix a blanket over me and "tuck in the baby" because it was her bedtime. He would offer me his snacks, rub his little hand over my belly, and kiss it, treating it like a delicate glass vase. The rest of the family all said he was a carbon copy of Harry with how he cares for his family. It was sweet to witness and hear about my two boys.