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Chapter 163

I long for you
Just a touch
Of your hand
You don't leave my mind
Lonely days I'm feeling
Like a fool for dreaming

— Sam Smith, To Die For

. . . .

Harry's POV

I watch Violet back down the driveway, the lights of the car disappearing down the road within a matter of seconds. Standing alone in front of the house, the street abandoned and no souls insight, I'm left absolutely alone. My knees give up, and I sink to the rough pavement. I'm blubbering more than I ever have in my life. The rough texture of the cement digs through the material of my trousers and scratches my skin, but I don't care. I don't fucking care about much of anything anymore.

I'm left feeling incomplete without my other half by my side. I feel like I'm suffocating. My entire body aches in a way that it never has before. I've broken bones when I was younger and have had sprains, but none of that has hurt quite like this.

I'm in emotional pain, and that's taking more of a toll on my overall health far greater than any of those injuries induced. This feeling is agonizing, constricting my body and sending sharps jolts of anguish to zap through my chest.

I feel like I'm emotionally dying.

I can't stop playing over the moment she said that she wanted to break up. I couldn't believe it. My mind went blank and my heart stopped at that very moment. I prayed that my mind was making it up, but when I saw the hurt and pain in her eyes, I knew those words were intentional.

She's been in this debilitating pain for a week now—all because of me. I can't help but wonder, despite her saying that it isn't just about the pregnancy scare, to think that if I had just forgiven her sooner, then we would still be together. My anger and self-pity distanced us and made her put things into perspective. The result: the dissolution of our relationship.

I loved both this relationship and Violet more than life itself. I would've done anything for that woman—I still would. I've never felt this strongly of any of my past relationships, and now, this one is as dead as the others.

Now everything's over.

I'll never be able to hold her or hug her. I can't sleep next to her at night and cuddle up to her while we sleep. I won't ever be able to touch her cheek and kiss her. I won't have the opportunity to talk about my day and listen to her talk about her's. I'll never be able to tell her I love her ever again, and that kills me even more.

I had taken Violet for granted this past week. Not once since the unveiling of the pregnancy incident have I thought about us ending our relationship. I was confident that this was just another bump in the road and we would get through it eventually. I'll admit that I was an ass to her—I know that. I don't know what I was thinking with how long I could prolong the silent treatment I made a mistake in doing. I made her feel so low and depressed. I hate that I've caused that for her.

From the start of our relationship, I vowed to be a good boyfriend to her, and I've tried my hardest. I've slipped up, and this past week has been no exception. I was a fucking dickhead. I ignored her, screamed at her, betrayed her for days on end. It all fucked with her head, and it ended my relationship.

The moment our relationship picked up traction, I knew, even from the start, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. That's never changed once. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's the only person that truly understood me and accepted me.

How can she expect me to be able to find another relationship as raw and authentic as this one? I don't think I'll ever be able to love another woman as much as I do with Violet. She was always the person that listened to me when I needed to talk. She gave me advice when I needed it. She was just everything to me.