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Chapter 194

Got nothing but love for you, fall more in love every day

– 5 Seconds of Summer, Valentine

. . . .

The snow's been falling all last night and this morning, blanketing everything outside and trapping the street's residents inside our houses. Harry's off work for the day, possibly tomorrow too, and I've been working in our bedroom at the makeshift office we crammed into the room.

After Sophie was born, we knew it'd be selfish to keep the study and stick her in with Lilly or even Max when she was old enough to not sleep in our room anymore. I knew it was hard for Harry to go through his book collection, donate the ones he didn't care about anymore, or try to decide which to keep. I knew that office meant a lot to him. It was his place to isolate when he needed some alone time, but he told me one night while holding our daughter that he'd give up a limb for her; an office was nothing. I admired the selflessness, but I understand the loss.

Right now, I do miss the privacy of an office. Plus, when I did bring work home, I felt more diligent in the study, and less likely for distractions. Now, the desk is crammed in the corner perpendicular to the glass door. I try to be there for my clients as much as ethically possible, but it can be hard when I'm listening to my clients via phone or video chat and hearing one of my babies crying in the other room. While I'm not with a client or updating my notes, I try to spend more time with the kids to make up for my absence. Normally, Anne watches Sophie and Max while Harry and I are at work, which it's not like she can babysit today.

I'm on the phone listing to the dial tones, trying to reach a client. When I hear the voicemail spiel, I take that as a no-show and decide to take the fifty minutes to give Harry a break.

I walk out into absolute chaos.

Lilly groans while baking in the kitchen, pushing her earbuds in her ears with her iPad propped up and a show playing on the screen. While she's trying to drown out the other noise, George is barking at Gunther. Sophie's crying in Harry's arms while he's kneeling in front of Max who's throwing a tantrum.

"What's going on?" I put the question out there, but Harry's so frustrated with all the current noise that it's just another layer to the mess.

I lift the baby out of Harry's arms and check her nappy to see if that's a factor in her crying. When I check that it's clean, I bounce her to see if it'll help, but when everything I try fails, I sit on the couch and pull the neckline of my sweater down, along with my bralette, to feed her. She latches on and my heart rate slows down from the one less stressor. Harry hushes George and the dog runs into the kitchen towards Lilly.

"Max, why are you upset?"

He sniffles and scrunches up his sweet little nose. Harry's holding onto Max's waist and watches him intently.

"Daddy won't let me play outside!"

"I told you, Max. I will take you outside to play when Mummy's done working and can watch the baby."

"No," he gripes again. "Now."

He doesn't like the answer Harry's given him and yanks out of his father's hold on him, drops down to the floor, rolls side to side, and cries his little heart out. I see the exhaustion rolling off of Harry in threatening waves. He's been up since before the sun rose to help with the baby, and now as it's mid-afternoon, I can tell he just wants a nap.

Before the impending headache starts, Harry kneels down to Max and starts softly coaxing him down. The child stops wailing and stares up at his dad with watery eyes. Harry starts asking him what he would like to do other than going outside, asking him every option he can get out of the little boy.