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Chapter 92

I'm wasting my life on pointless things
I sometimes think
When does life begin
I'm falling out of conversations
I can't pay attention
Repeat the question
I need to be alone
Or I'm gonna lose my shit

– Girl in Red, i need to be alone.

. . . .

I've never seen Harry so stressed out, and that says a lot. Ever since the death of his dad, Harry hasn't been the same. He won't admit that the death has taken a toll on him, but it has. It's been a week and he's only smiled three times, if that, and all those times were a front for Lilly.

However, she sees through it. She knows there's something wrong with her father. She's questioned him about why he's sad, but he won't tell her. He won't even talk to me about it.

Every day when he gets home from work, he goes into his office and swamps himself with even more work. He hasn't eaten much and his sleep patterns have been all over the place. He'll wake up at four and fall asleep at eight at night, but even then, he's restless and never stops rolling around.

The funeral was miserable for him. He and I stayed in the far back corner, and he didn't really associate with his family much. They saw him; his mum tried talking to him but he made little effort to reply. Gemma, on the other hand, hasn't spoken to Harry since that day at the hospital. The funeral they had planned was beautiful, but Harry kept his head down through most of it.

Gemma gave her eulogy towards her deceased father and had to step out afterward for a brief second. At the end of the service, Harry and I left and drove the long trip back home. However, it wasn't as talkative coming back as it was driving up. We stopped to get Lilly who had a blast and filled the empty silence until we got home.

To give Harry some space to himself, I took Lilly out on a little shopping trip then out to lunch today. I know I don't like kids much, but she's enjoyable to be around. She's fun and sassy and isn't a total pain in the ass like other bratty kids. The adults in her life, excluding Emma, have raised her exceptionally well. To be honest, I love her as if she were mine.

After several hours of walking to countless stores, we both finally get exhausted from walking and go back home. I yell for Harry that we're home then help remove the tags from Lilly's clothes to throw them into the washer. When I get done with that, I change into more comfy clothing then look for Harry. Being my first guess, he's in his office with his head in his hands and a pen cap in his mouth.

"Hey," I sit down in front of him and watch his tired eyes scan all over his paper. He's worn the same clothes for three days and his hair is clumping together from not washing it. His stubble has grown out a little bit as well and the bags under his stunning eyes are dark and heavy. "How was your day?"

"Fine," he says bluntly and straight to the point. "Yours?"

"I had a great time. Lilly's a really great kid."

"Yeah," he continues scribbling on his paper and I feel him closing himself off even more.

"Did you eat?" I ask him. I want to talk to him. I want him to finally converse with me without one-worded answers.

"No."

"Do you want anything? I can make something for you."

"I'm not hungry."

"Ok well, do you want to finish up season two of our show tonight? I know you're dying to see what happens."

"Violet, please. I don't want to talk right now."