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Chapter 158

You got a cold, cold heart
Do you feel at all?
You build a house of cards
But it's going to fall

— Ruelle, Secrets and Lies

. . . .

"I think I'm pregnant."

Bonnie's concerned frown drops to one of surprise. Her hand releases mine and presses it against my back to pull me against her body in a warm embrace. She shushes me calmingly and brushes over my hair, much like Harry does. I hold her against me, feeling the comfort from her soft hug.

"Come on," she says quietly and brushes my tears away. She shuts the door and guides me to sit on the sofa with her. She hands me the box of tissues from the console table behind us. I press the soft material underneath my eyes, but it gets soaked from the continuous, never-ending stream of tears that haven't stopped falling for an hour.

"I'm sorry," I cry out.

"Don't apologize. It's alright."

Pulling another tissue from the box, I say, "I can't be pregnant. I have school, and I'm enjoying my life with Harry. A baby will affect everything."

"You've mentioned it before briefly, but why don't you want kids in the future?" She asks innocently.

"My dad's probably told you, but my mum lost her baby...then died. I'm terrified that I'll turn out the same. The idea of an innocent little baby relying on me for everything terrifies me. I don't like that the future of another human is dependent on me. I'm scared that I would do something and unintentionally hurt the baby."

"Most parents have that same fear," she discloses. "I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I grew up babysitting other people's kids and enjoyed it. I'm in pediatrics. I love kids, but when I found out I was pregnant the first time, I had the same concerns that you have now. I questioned whether I would be a good mother to the baby... well, flash forward a few months to find out I was having twins. That was double the responsibility. I felt that way throughout the entire pregnancy,"

She continues, "When I looked down at my children the day they were born, all those fears vanished. All I could see were the two beautiful babies I brought into the world. Being a parent is one of the hardest things a person can be. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, but I don't think you would be a bad mother if you are pregnant. You are a wonderful, caring, loving girl. You warmed up to Mason, and I see how much you love and care about him—same with the twins and Lilly."

"It's different when I'm not their full-time parent."

"Fair point," she replies. "You won't be alone if you're pregnant. You have us and Harry along with his family. There's a support system for you. Whatever you decide, we're all here for you."

"Dad won't like it."

"I know," she answers softly. "Let's worry about that once we found out whether you really are pregnant, okay?"

I nod. I move onto my third tissue and blow my nose. I'm an absolute wreck.

"What made you think you're pregnant?" She asks me.

"I was texting my friend this morning, and she mentioned her period and that it's almost done which made me realize that she and I both had it at the same time last month. I haven't gotten mine yet. Then I threw up, and I've felt nauseous all morning. I've been moody lately, too."

"Now, I'm asking this not to pry but just from a doctor's process of questioning, but, are you having sex often? Was this a one-time fluke?"

I can tell it's awkward and uncomfortable for her to ask me as she is still my stepmother, but I understand that any doctor I would see would ask me something similar.