Fade Into Darkness

Unpacking

After Jai took me to my room, he left to put all of the paperwork away and upload the information onto the computer. Before he left he also told me that a doctor would be coming round to do all my physical checks.

Now I'm alone, I take a moment to breathe and call myself a little. The bedroom I'm in isn't too bad. Three of the walls are white and one is a deep purple which is pretty nice. The room itself is fairly big and there's a window with a mesh cage looking out at the hospital grounds. I can see the smoking shed nearby which makes me think that maybe they'll let ms out for cigarettes if I comply. I hope so, I've definately missed them though I was too distracted to ask to go for a smoke in general hospital. I turn away from the window and it's weird green anti ligature curtains and look at the other side of the room where there's a big wooden thing that has a tv case, desk and shelves all connected together so they're also anti ligature. There's a lock box at the top of the left side which I presume is for any items I'm not trusted with. The bed is fairly decent, a slightly big single however the mattress is a thick blue plastic covered thing underneath its hospital issues white sheets and thick duvet. At least there's a thick duvet. I move towards the bathroom which doesn't actually have a real door on it. Instead, it actually has a weird fabric magnet door that swings open and shut as you go through it and can be pulled off the wall easily. The bathroom has a sink with anti ligature taps, a toilet with no toilet seat and a small metal sloped showerhead that sticks out of the wall with a thick blurred glass screen and a touchscreen panel to change the temperature and turn it on. I head back out to my room and wheel myself over to the bed which is where I out my bag when I came into the room. I realise they hadn't actually went through it and decide to unpack it myself. I take out my few outfits of dirty clothes, throwing them into a purple laundry basket that is in the corner of my room. Next, I take my toiletries and put them in the bathroom. I still have all of the money i stole from my family in the bag and decide to put it on the bed to hand in to the staff, along with my diet pills. I take the old food from my travels out of my bag, throwing it into the bin. I then take my phone and charger out, plugging the lead into the wall and my phone so that can charge up. I out my headphones and speaker beside them and go through the rest of my bags contents until I come across my one half smoked pack of b&h blues which has my black clipper inside and another sealed pack. I instantly panic about where to put them and in the end I just shove them into the secret inside pocket of my bag, throwing it onto the top shelf where it isn't visible from the floor. I'll keep those to spoke out of my window if they don't let me out. After sorting all of the bag out, i'm exhausted. My face is sweaty from the effort of that seemingly simple task which is making my NG sticker and forehead plaster peel a bit however I ignore them, sitting on top of my bed covers and picking up my phone. I go onto my contacts, select my mum and call her.

"Hey sweetie! What's happening? How are you doing?" My mum's voice is bright and strong. Probably all a facade to keep me happy but it's still comforting.

"Hi Mum, I'm alright. I'm at the unit. The ward is called Atlantic Ward and I've only met one nurse called Jai but he's nice," I say, smiling a little with teary eyes.

"That's great baby! I called up a little while ago and they said you were doing your admission and they'd call me back later,"

"Mum, when can you and Dad come to visit? I want to see you. It's already so lonely here," I desperately hold back my tears but my voice cracks and gives me away.

"Oh bubs, I know it must be so strange. Tell you what, I'll call them back now and as what's the soonest time we can come, okay? Dad just went to do our food shop so as soon as he is back we can come. Let me call them now. Do you need me to bring you anything?" I instantly feel a bit better at the thought of hopefully seeing my mum soon.

"Thank you Mummy, I love you. I'll message you a list of things to bring. I'll speak to you soon, okay? I love you, bye!" I hurry my last words before hanging up, instantly going onto my messages and typing out my message.

Hi Mummy can I please have:
- Clothes, comfy casual and pretty
- My blanket
- My teddy
- Pyjamas
- Some books
- My sketchbook and box of drawing things
- Big makeup bag
- Laptop and charger
- My water bottle
- More toiletries
And can you ask if I can be taken out for cigarettes please, maybe you can persuade them. If they say yes can you and Dad get me 2 packs of B&H blues and my red clipper from my window ledge. I know you don't like me smoking but it's the only thing that makes me feel okay and I need it right now. I love you.

I send the message and my mum replies after a minute.

Hey baby, that's okay I'll pack you a bag now and I'm just on the phone to them now so will ask, it's okay I understand. Love you too xx

I smile happily at the reply and scroll out of her messages back onto my contacts where I select Matt's profile however just as I'm about to press the call button, there's a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I semi-shout and the door opens, revealing a woman probably in her 30s.

"Hello there, Cara! My name's Evie. I'm just doing my checks, is everything okay?" I nod, forcing a small smile.

"Yeah, yeah. All good, thank you," I say as she leaves.

I sigh and turn my phone on again, pressing the button to call Matt. The phone doesn't even ring twice before he picks up.

"Oh my god, Cara! Your Mum spoke to me when you were found and updated me when you were in the hospital, are you okay?!" As soon as I hear Matt's panicked voice, I feel awful.

"Matty, I've missed you so badly I'm so sorry," I say quietly, my eyes filling to the brim with tears. I blink and they spill down my cheeks.

"Hey, hey, it's okay Car, it's okay. I'm just so glad you're okay honestly I thought you were going to... I thought... I'm just glad you're okay." His voice begins to shake near the end and it tears my heart into pieces until suddenly, someone knocks at my door.

"Look, Matty, I've got to go. I'll call you back in a bit, alright? I love you," I say, my voice high and shaky with sadness. Jai opens my door and stands in the doorway for a moment as I finish up the conversation.

"Okay Car, I'll speak to you soon. I love you too," he says before hanging up.