Fade Into Darkness

Leaving.

"HEY! CARA!" I ignore the teacher's voice as I speed towards the gate.

"Cara! Where are you going? You do not leave the school premises during schooltime!" Again, I fake deafness. Fuck her.

"CARA! Stop right now!" I turn, fire in my eyes.

"Fuck you." I growl, before turning away again and grabbing the metal gate. I use the handle to step on and pull myself over it, jumping down the other side and slipping. I don't notice the blood coming from my knee until I'm running down the street and I can't stop then.

So I ignore it, just like I ignore everything bad in my life.

I ignore it and pretend I'm fine and run away from my problems.

Run away.

I only slow after 10 minutes of running when I realise that I am outside of my house. Thankfully, no one is home. I'm presuming that my Mum is working and my Dad is out with his friends doing whatever the fuck it is he does.

Good.

I use my keys to unlock the door and walk in. I haven't got time to waste. The school will be calling my parents and Mum's work is an hours drive away. My dad doesn't use a phone as he thinks they are 'a waste of money' so I'm safe from him meaning that I have about 50 minutes to get ready and out.

I'm upstairs in an instant, in my room, pulling out my huge hikers rucksack from under the bed. Time seems to be nonexistent as I speed around my room, packing clothes, jewelery and anything of value that I have and can sell.

Into the rucksack goes: about 3 outfits and 2 sets of pyjamas; my jewelery box which contains most of the valuable items I have and a hidden compartment where I keep money; my blanket and teddy; my phone charger and earphones; my measuring tape and painkillers, laxatives and my meds and my passport, birth certificate and ID.

I can't bring too much as I still need room in my bag for anything I buy or shoplift. I need to be smart about this. I grab a notepad and pen and scribble a quick note.

Mum and Dad,
I'm safe. Don't panic. I'm taking a bag and staying at a friend's for a bit.
Don't come looking for me. I'll just run further. I need my time and space. Leave me alone. Do not contact me. I need space.
I'm sorry.
I love you,
Cara

That should keep them sort of off my back for a bit.

Am I really going to a friend's?

Nah.

I'm going AWAY. Not just away, I mean AWAY.

So, as I check my watch and see that I've used 10 minutes of my time, I rush into the bathroom where I grab my toothbrush, toothpase, hair wash and body wash. I then take my bag and the note and head downstairs where I put the note on the table before moving the it and lifting the carpet to then lift the floorboard which hides my Dad's stash of money. After stuffing the huge wad of notes into my bag, I replace everything I moved and head to the kitchen where I grab my water bottle and fill it up. After that, I take one photograph off of the mantlepiece. It's of me, Mum and Dad together a few years ago in Scotland. We looked so happy.
Well, I guess I'll have time to look at that later. I fold the photo and place it in my pocket before heading to the front door where I put my big winter coat on (it's supposed to be 22 degrees but I'm FREEZING) and head outside. After locking the door, I put my hood up and begin to speedwalk down the path.

To be honest, I'm not fully sure where I'm going. I just know that it has to be away from here. Away from the home that tries to feed and stuff me like an animal on a farm. I can't cope with it anymore.
So yeah, I don't know where I'm going yet but it'll have to be away from Birmingham. Somewhere they won't find me. A small town or something. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

And as I walk, I smile. I genuinely smile because I feel FREE at last. Free from the torture and refeeding and pressure and pain.

I'm leaving.

I don't bother to check my phone as I'm presuming my Mum is trying to call me now. No time for that. Nah. Instead, I light a cigarette and walk towards the train station as I puff on it casually, the sweet nicotine hitting my dizzy brain and sending me into a mini euphoria.

God, I've missed freedom.

[EDITED]