Fade Into Darkness

Found...?

"Yes, it's Stratford, Westfield... Near the Starbucks... Yeah, inside... no, she's unconcious... breathing?.. yeah.. okay thanks... yeah..." I keep my eyes closed. The floor is cold against my body. I can't tell what is colder, my body or the floor. The chill is in my bones. I hear voices. Everywhere. His voice is the loudest. That man. I'm guessing he's calling an ambulance. Fuck it, I open my eyes and stare across the floor at about 8 sets of feet. I turn my head and look up. Faces everywhere. Whispers. Some aren't bothering to whisper. I'm the missing girl. They all know me. How? Why? I'm irrelevant.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, I'm here. The ambulance is coming. It'll be okay!" I sit up slightly. Not much. My body is so weak. I have enough energy to shake my head.

"No, you don't understand. I'm fine. I don't need help," my voice is cracking, a hoarse whisper. It doesn't sound like mine. I look down. Who's legs are those? They're tiny. Bones. Who's body is this? Can I even call it a body? There's barely anything left. Who's skeletal hands are holding me up against the floor? Who's body is this? It's so... small...

It's me?

It can't be.

I'm HUGE. There's no way I'm this small. I have never been this small.

"Don't move, it's alright." The man's hand is on my shoulder. I try to shrug it off but instead I fall back to the floor, my limbs floppy like a rag doll.

"She's shaking like a leaf! Look at her!" An old woman exclaims from beside me.

"Here, it's okay," he says, laying his starbucks fleece on me. His arm holds me up so I'm leant against his chest.

"Why does everyone say that?" I ask, tears filling my eyes.

"What? Oh don't cry, don't worry! The ambulance is coming," he looks scared. Why's he scared? He's not the one who's going to be locked in a mental institution if he goes home.

"Everyone says it's okay and alright. Or it'll be okay and alright. You're wrong. They're all wrong. It isn't. It won't be," the words come out as jibberish and the man hushes me, adding another random person's coat to my layers. I shiver despite them being there.

"You need help, hun. It's okay, we're getting help," I can't focus. The lights are blinding, the noises deafening. I can't cope. I can feel my heart. It's so slow. My vision is fading. My chest is burning. And I'm coughing but why? Why am I coughing? Why can't I breathe?

Black.

Darkness.

Death?

No. Not death. It can't be. That'd be nice though.

I'm in a dark room. It's cold. Empty.

It's not a room if it doesn't have a door, is it? No. It's a stone chamber. Cold, wet stone.

And lights? But I don't know where they're coming from.

I'm in the corner. I'm naked and shivering, my bones scratching at me from inside, deadly sharp and trying to cut their way out of my thin layers of pale, ashy skin.

"You're dying."

Who said that? I don't say it. I think it. I can't talk. I can't move. I'm not even in my body. It's like I'm watching from outside of it.

"You're going to die. You didn't realise you were that sick. You just wanted to be thin. But you were already thin. You were skeletal. You were dying and now you're really dying."

Who are you?

"You don't recognize me yet. You'll see. When you pass through though. We'll meet properly then, I'd suppose. I'm just here to see you transition firstly"

Am I passing through yet? Am I going to die?

"Ah. That's down to you. If you keep laying there and being dead then you will."

But I don't want to die.

"So get up."

I can't. I'm not even me!

"Yes you are. You're just choosing not to be. You want to live? Get up. Live. Fight. Stop being so weak. Weak little Cara, always giving in. So give in one last time, huh? Why not?"

You don't understand, it's not that easy.

"Of course I understand. Of course I do. I've been in that corner. I've been you. I made your mistakes. I am literally and figuratively your failures. So you want to live? Get up. Live! You want to see your family and have a life? Go on then. You want to be alive again? Get UP!"

I'm unable to respond anymore. Instead, I'm jolted back into my body painfully. My face is pressed against the floor and I'm paralyzed. I'm... dying?

Wait, no. I need to get up. Like she said. Live. But how? It's useless. I can't do it. I'm useless.

"You'll never be able to do it if you don't believe. You need to act fast. You're dying. Do you want to die? You're really gonna give up like that? Quitter. Pathetic little fail-"

NO!

"Right. Then don't."

I focus hard. I need to start small. My fingertips. I need them to...

MOVE!

"That's the spirit. Well, I'm off now. This is your choice. Live, or die? Fight or flee? This is your last chance, Cara. I mean it."

It's like I can feel the voice leave. It's eternally quiet. Lonely. But I need to live so I need to fight. I do fight. I want to scream in frustration but only a frail breath comes out. I push against the invisible barriers in frustration and my body jolts below me. My chest screams. It's like I'm drowning... drowning in death.

I fight, I push, I scream. Suddenly, I can feel my body convulsing below me. My chest pangs. I'm screaming and pushing and suddenly I feel it.

My heart beats.

Silence again.

I push again.

It beats.

Again.

Beat.

Again.

Beat.

I keep going and suddenly, I'm flying backwards and out of the room into darkness but there's a sound carrying me off and it's the sound I'd been striving for.

A pulse.

And I'm thrown back into pure darkness, the pulse holding me. Driving me into peaceful oblivion.

{EDITED}