The John Hughes Club

Chapter Thirty Eight

Chas

My summer break wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be a time for making memories with the girl I love. Memories that we both would one day look back on and fondly chat and laugh about. Yet here I am, feeling more alone than I did after losing my mum and her parents. Back then, I still had grandpa and grandma. I know things have improved with my father, but we'll never have the bond I had with my grandpa...never.

Things are definitely better between us, but they'll never be right. And now that he's with Megan Diaz, that's just sealed our father/son fate. I can't not be happy for him. I can't wish for him not to have found love again. Grandpa always used to say that a man without love, is a man without direction. Losing mum, made dad lose his direction, lose himself, and Megan Diaz has become his map. For all of the misery he has caused, I still can't find it within myself to want that happiness taken away from him. And yet, I can't deal with the sacrifice that both myself and Mindy have had to make for our parents. I can't deal with it, and I don't want to deal with it. Which is why I have been spending more and more time in my workshop. For as much as I am glad that my dad is happy, I just don't want to be around his happiness. All of mine has gone, and until I can get a handle of all that I am feeling, I need to keep my distance from my dad. My workshop gives me that distance. It's my bolt hole. The place where I can freely pine for Mindy, and not feel bad for doing so.

Four weeks ago we parted on the beach. Four weeks ago, our hearts died a little. Until you've experienced such a hurt, it's almost impossible to put into words. I can't say them, but I often write them. It's like I am dissecting all of my pain, then penning the post mortem of my feelings onto paper. Those words aren't nice to read, they're not prose of pleasure...they're transcripts of my sorrow.

When I heard that Mindy had gone back to Stratford, I wasn't surprised. I too, found my place to retreat to—my workshop.

I don't think anyone really knows whether she'll return to Minehead and back to Archleigh High. To be honest, why would she? Her strings to her strained relationship with her mum, have completely snapped. Her bond with her father is incredibly strong...there's really nothing for her to come back to. And that kills me. Second by second, I die a little more inside. As quick as Mindy came into my life, she just as quickly left it. I try to keep myself occupied. I've started creating larger carvings. They keep my miserable membranes ticking over and my hands busy. When I'm not working with wood, I listen to music, watch films, and keep up with my revision. I may have lost the girl I love, I'm now trying not to lose everything else. It's very hard trying to plan for my future, when that future has done a complete 180 on me. My life keeps moving the goal posts, and I'm trying so damn hard to not just throw in the towel on it. Every moment of every day, I just have to keep on keeping on. Part of me doesn't want to forget Mindy, while another part does. It's painful remembering her. It's painful knowing how great we were together. That beautiful girl is my first love. That beautiful girl would have been my first everything. Then four weeks ago, she told me that was the last of us. That hurts just as much today, as it did then. That's why it's going to take me a long time to get over this. A love like ours doesn't end, just because we have. No, I think Mindy Diaz shall always be in my heart. Over time, she might get pushed to a back shelf...but she'll always be somewhere inside of it.

"Chas?" Wrenching me from the beats of my pitiful heart thudding in my ears, Zigs' voice replaces those depressed beats, "You in there?" he shouts, knocking a few times on the door of my workshop, wondering if I'm inside.

Opening it up for him, I force a smile on my reluctant mouth. "What's up?" I ask, almost reluctant to let him inside.

"Just checking you're okay, mate...that's all." Zigs has taken it upon himself to do the occasional welfare check on me. Depending on my mood, it can either be thoughtful or annoying. Today, it's annoying.