The John Hughes Club

Chapter Forty One

I didn't think I'd see this place again, yet here I am. Inhaling my nervousness, I put one foot in front of the other towards Archleigh High. I'm not even inside of the school yet, and already, I'm getting the stares and the whispers. It's just like being the new girl all over again. The stares and the whispers back then were because of my goth makeup, now, they're because of the lack of my goth makeup. In some ways, I am a new girl. This is the raw version of Mindy Diaz. The girl who can't be bothered to hide anymore. The girl who doesn't want to hide her pain behind the blackest makeup she can find. This is me—unveiled and vulnerable.

"Mindyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Rushing over to where I anxiously am, Ella wraps her welcoming arms around my upper body. "I can't tell you how great it is to have you back!" Drawing herself back slightly, she now wants to get a good look at me. "Your hair has got longer." As a fellow curly-haired girly, she bounces the ends of my hair against the palms of her hands, grinning. Then, she eagerly cuddles me all over again. "Ohhhhhhh, it's so good to see yoooooooou in the proper flesh!"

Locked in an enthusiastic hug, we rock from side to side. "It's good to be back," I earnestly say, chuckling in her arms. And strangely, it really does feel good. I've missed Ella—her sweetness, her gentle lisp, her positivity and her genuineness—all feel great to be around again.

"There she is! Obviously you were needing to get your witty, teen heartthrob fix from the Zigster...yup, you'll not find another me in Stratford-upon-Avon," he cockily announces, hurrying to also hug me.

Now laughing, it's equally just as great to see Zigs. "I don't think the world could handle two of you," I joke, hugging him really hard. Joking aside, I've missed this sentimental clown. For all of his messing around, there's a lad who you could trust with your life, sitting just behind the veneer of his foolish façade.

"What class you got first?" I ask my two friends who have just welcomed me back into the Archleigh High School fold like I haven't been away for the duration of the summer.

Linking her arm through mine, Ella answers first, "I've got English Literature."

"I've got History," Zigs chimes in, happily striding beside his happy-go-lucky girlfriend.

"I've got Science," I lightly state, trying to ignore all the eyes that seem overly interested in my goth-free face. "This honestly feels like my first day all over again," I moan with some amusement, dragging my own eyes away from the amount of eyeballs now on me in the corridor.

"Ignore them, just like you did the first time round," Zigs protectively replies, doing a long glare back at all those who are still curious about my lack of pale foundation, mascara, and eyeliner.

"You seen Chas yet?" Ella whispers, not wanting all the curious pupils to hear her asking me.

"Not yet," I whisper back, the whole of my chest cavity feeling like I have a herd of Bambi's bouncing around within it at the mere mention of his name.

"I'm sure you'll see him soon." Smiling, Ella then flicks her gaze over to Zigs. "We'd better get to our tutor room for register." Taking hold of his hand, her attention falls back on me before they hurry to class. "Catch up at break time, yeah?"

Smiling as I nod, my reply is keen, "Yeah."

Both of them then give me a farewell grin, leaving me alone with some persistent stares from some meandering pupils and the thrill of my own acute excitement jumping around in my chest. At some point today, I will see Chas again. That makes me both anxious and expectant. Anxious, because he may not look at me in the same way. Expectant, because I long for him to look at me in the same way. The summer now feels like it was a pointless punishment. Nothing has actually changed. Mum is still with Rob Summers and I am still crazy about Chas. Our summer apart hasn't altered anything for my heart, but I have to be prepared that it may have for him. All of my nervousness comes back to grip me, but I'll not display it for all the beady-eyed kids to see. Instead, I stand tall, chin up, depicting an ease I certainly don't feel inside.

As I make my feet move, forcing them to put one apprehensive foot in front of the other, I hear my name being called, "Mindy! Wait up!"

Looking over my shoulder, I widely smile to Ros as she's running to catch up with me. "You've just made my Monday worth getting out of bed for...I'm so pleased you're back!" Embracing me with her one arm, we continue hurrying to our classrooms. "I'll come and find you at break time." Pecking me on the cheek, she dashes off with a big grin on her face, more than happy to see me here again at Archleigh.

Now, I just need to cross paths with Chas. I need to know whether he is just as happy as Zigs, Ella and Ros, that I am back. Or, I just need to know whether he is happy. When I left, I made him unhappy. I made myself unhappy. And for what? I stupidly ran away from something that no longer feels enough of a reason to have ran from. It no longer feels enough of a reason to have stupidly left Chas. My mum and his dad, should never have been why I abandoned the best thing to have unexpectedly wandered into my life. The only excuse I have, is that I am a teenager who just wasn't mature enough to handle a complicated situation. That's all I've got. I was confused, anxious, insecure, embarrassed and angry...and reckless.

Recklessly, I gave up on what Chas and I had.
Recklessly, I ran from my feelings for him.
Ultimately, that may have cost me.
It may have cost me, dearly.

If the price of my recklessness is Chas, then that's what I deserve. I only know that I had to return to Archleigh, just to find out what debt my heart needs to pay for my running away. If the boy I love no longer loves me, I'll know and understand why.