Docs Bizarre quotes and HCs

-/:(*{12}*):\-

Mostly AU with a splash of Part 4 and 5 for your travels while I struggle to find Risotto's cannon height-

Mat, 5'11: I may be short but I am all knowing
Risotto, 6,7: you don't know what the top shelf looks like.
Mat: you motherf-

Mat's Father: *hands Tík to Mat* if someone gets nosy... just, y'know, stab them
Young Mat: stab them?
Mat's Father: politely
Mat:...

"'Tík' translates from Icelandic to 'Bitch' so whenever Mat refers to their sword, they refer to it as 'my bitch.'

Diavolo, texting: RISOTTO IM REALLY DRUNK AND I FUXKD UP SOME HOT GUY WALKED INTO THE BAR AND I YELLED DIBS
Mat, texting: SQUALO I CAME THROUGH THE DOOR AR THE BAR AND SOME DUDE YELLED DIBS

Diavolo: MATTHEW HJÁLMAR EINARSSON-
Mat: WHAT ARE YOU MIDDLE NAMING ME FOR.

Josuke: it's been 15 minutes and he hasn't texted me back. What if he's hurt?
Koichi: Josuke, just give him some time.
*meanwhile*
Okuyasu: *struggling to spell gorgeous*

Josuke: are you in love with Kakyoin?
Jotaro: ...... no
Josuke: then why do you draw hearts everywhere on your notes with "J + K" in them?
Jotaro, sweating: it means Jotaro + Krustaceans-

Risotto: *wears a slightly lighter shade of black*
Melone: I see your getting out the spring colours.

Poggers I have hcs-